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A Life I Never Meant Chapter Twenty Two
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After the long flight and my meeting with Bette I finally felt tired enough to sleep. As I crawled into bed I was my mind was fraught with thoughts of Bette and Shane but as soon as my head hit the pillow it was all forgotten about, just for a few hours anyway. I’m awake again now and it’s not even 7:00am. As I lie here in bed I think forward as to what I have to do today. I have to go to the funeral home with Bette. I don’t think that I ever imagined that I would do anything with Bette again, so to do something that’s so sad and painful as that. I can barely comprehend it.
I haul myself out of bed and into the shower. I keep telling myself that if I keep myself busy then I won’t have to think about anything. Of course, I know that I should be thinking about what Shane would have wanted at this time and how we are all going to get through it, and I know that I should be thinking about what I want to say to Bette, and what my true feeling are. Typically, though, I just want to run away from all of this, but I know I can’t, so I resolve to stay and get through it, one day at a time.
The hot water running over me has a cleansing affect. If I shut my eyes then I can picture myself in better times, before any of this happened. What I’m picturing is my time with Ally, when we first starting dating. How she would smile at how nervous I would get around her, and then whisper the most soothing things in my ear, telling me that we would take it slow, and that she would wait for me. Then I wonder if it’s significant that I’m thinking about Ally and not Bette. I’m actually thinking that this is a good thing, but I wonder how it impacts on the conversation that I’m going to have with Bette in the not too distance future.
After I get dressed I sit on the bed and calculate what time it is in New York. I know Ally will be at work but I have to talk to her. She said that I should call her anytime if I needed to talk, and I believed her. I want to shake the feeling that I should ask her to come out here. Having seen Bette yesterday it feels like an incredibly selfish thing to do but I need her here, but I don’t know how to ask her. It’s strange how I keep repeating the same mistakes and yet somehow expect to get a different result. As I listen to the ringing on the other end of the line I start to pace around the room, working up the nerve to ask her.
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Hey City don’t read the comments they are more disheartening than the central theme of this story. Sadly by the time you would gave gotten this message you would have aready read them. Maybe I’m different but I don’t get a needy or selfish Tina in this story. I do however wonder why Bette’s happiness is being determined by Tina. I know city its your story and you tell it the way you see fit. I guess thats why this story is so difficult for me to comprehend. I can’t ever imagine anyone’s happiness being determined by somebody else. I feel we should seek forgiveness from within. And it just seems that Bette was never able to forgive herself for destroying her relationship. Masterful as always City, Peace Out.
I’m not sure about the others but is the author’s note a bit ominous? In any case, I’ll just have to wait a see. Your story rocks!
Perhaps Tina is feeling insecure about all of this. A confident Tina wouldn’t practically beg Ally to come to LA unless she really was falling apart over Shane and there was no tension where Bette is concerned.
City, I think you are trying to make fans fall in love with Ally. She is nice, really nice… I will try to “like” her.
Intense Chapter, IMO Tina has built up this wall when it comes to Bette she is plain old scared to let her in because she knows that is going to unravel its a defence mechanism so to speak, Bette has this power over her that is never going to disappear, these lyrics are borrowed from Natasha Bedingfield:-Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal youAnyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you. They pretty much sum up Tina and Bette in your story. The way Tina is treating Bette is pretty cold and I don’t really think Tina knows how to reach out to Bette, we must remember that it is 5 years later, for them to come face to face with each other it is not under the best of circumstances, Shane gets in an Accident they think all is well then bang she dies this would knock the wind out of anyone sails,Shanes death was completly unexpected…I may be the only one here but I don’t think it is wrong of Tina wanting Ally by her side, Ally is her girlfriend, Ally knew Shane not well but she still knew her, Bette also knows that Tina is dating Ally and she is aware that it could be getting serious. Maybe when Ally comes to L.A. she will realise that Tina and Bette do belong together. CityGirl thank you for sharing your story it is a pleasure to read.
Ally I am trying not to like but it is very hard no too. I hope when she arrives that Tina’s walls she has put up around Bette, crash at the funeral & Ally see’s with here own eyes, the Love that Tina still has for Bette. Wonderful writing as Always but please dont break my Tibette Heart
I love this Ally person more and more, she is sensitive and have a big heart….can you hook her and Bette up??? Tina is so irresolut, so it’s her own fault LOL. More please….
Okay, first of all, Ally is a saint. As much as I don’t want to, I really do like her (just not for Tina :)). Second, could you please have had Shane fake her death to help show her friends how much they mean to each other? Yeah, yeah that’s a good idea :). No one’s seen the body right? Great chapter as always. You are simply amazing.
tina ally need to stay home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell bette about her later not now
wow i dunno bout ally comin out lets c where u take us
I’m with those who see Tina and Ally together but I think it is cruel of Tina to ask Ally to come support her when she and Bette have work to do to resolve their shit. But maybe it will help Bette who knows what magic you will find in your story? I can’t wait to see.
Ok City your killing me Why Why you bringing Ally to LA. come on we need a break here plsssss!!!!! :)
Wow! Look at these comments! You are really hitting a nerve with everyone…and doing it beautifully. Ally doesn’t want to be used by Tina, yet after her great speeches about Tina needing to talk to Bette without her there, and how much pain it would cause Bette if she was there, she simply says okay I’ll come. Kind of negates everything she said before. And Tina…well she is a selfish, wishy washy scaredy cat. On one hand she is in love with Ally, and on the other she is making sure Ally understands that she might want to go back to Bette just by spending time with her. So, in other words…I need you here to love me and comfort me, but don’t get too comfortable in that position. Geez, I can almost see Tina standing there thinking, eny meny miny mo. And then there is Bette, who is just trying to get through one more day. I don’t think she feels like she needs Tina in her life to be happy. I think she is just reeling from one major loss after another and is just trying to find any happiness at this point. Maybe hoping she can find either happiness with Tina, or at least some kind of peace from being able to let go of her. First she lost Melvin, then Dana, then Tina, then Alice, then Shane. That’s a lot of loss…a lot of hurt for one person. I never read the last page of a book first, but with this story, I wish I could. LOL And, I can’t figure out if that is a good thing or not! Thanks!!
Tina seems to be missing a back bone and her own two legs/feet to stand on as well. : ) Asking Ally to LA is all kinds of wrong. There’s a lot of traffic to JFK, maybe she’ll miss her flight. Heh.
We shouldn’t read too much into your mention of Spartajones’ story????? …I thought it was the rosettastone, personally. …Guess I better consult another oracle for how this story is gonna turn out! …Tea leaves, anyone??? …WHERE is Greentea, BTW? …back to the story…
I’m just going to say this, okay? …I am tired of Bette being portrayed as the victim. Hey, Bette is The Bomb – she has it all. Yes, she may have been lacking in the humility department, but her travails in S2 more than developed that muscle. There is this conceit that Tina is the desirable one, and that Bette is this lapdog, nipping at her heels, taking whatever leftover scraps she chooses to drop on the floor. In the real world, I believe that Bette would have tried to make amends for her mistake and, if not forgiven, moved on, a sadder, much wiser and still incredibly hot and available woman. She is not without compassion and the ability to love. I think she would have regretted what became of their relationship (through both of their parts although Bette was the one who cheated. And cheating was thoroughly out-of-character for for Bette, but that’s another story for another day.)…Okay, you are making a silk purse out of the sow’s ear that IC gave you, and I appreciate all your work, but I am sick to death of Tina lording it over Bette as though she is some pitiable case. Hey, Tina is not all that and she and this ain’t that deep. I wish Bette would get up out of the pool, out of the meditation circle, and off Tina’s jock, so to speak. …Yes, I’m hot. Tina is bringing in backup and Bette is going into this unarmed and unaware. I’m not liking Tina very much. They ‘need to talk’. After five years, a move to another city and a new girlfriend???? Yeah, Bette needs to talk, to her mother or some other woman (Kit – hello?) who can kick her ass back in shape. Bette needs to move on. Tina is not the one for her. …Okay, rant over…Thanks for the chapter! I hope Ally gets to LA , sees Bette, and drops Tina immediately to git wit Ms. Porter!
I am thinking that perhaps Tina should have been a little more sensitive to a devastated Bette when she decided to invite Ally. What is Tina thinking? I accept that she has found a new partner, but she was never the kind to knowingly further a good friend’s misery.
Ally just needs to stay in NY. UGH…citygirl can you write faster? Thanks for the update
ok so my thought was correct in that there is feelings between Ally & Tina, but apparently its more one sided, and that side being Ally. The next question is …..did they have sex. I hope she tells Bette all about it, even if they didn’t have sex, cause you can tell when someone loves your woman other than yourself. Ally I hope will turn out to b a stand up gal and meet someone new. UPDATE SOON!!!!
Hopefully Ally will be leaving with Tina for good. Tina utterly amazes me she sees and knows Bette is going through it. Bette out of all them feels it the most but yet Tina doesnot call to make sure she is allright. I have a suspecting feeling we are in for interesting twist..lol! Post soon!
lol fergz, you’re so funny and I agree with you. Ally should just stay in New York just let tina settle her problem with bette first. Tina needs Ally then what about Bette? Bette must be crush seeing them together, not only she lost her best friend she lost tina at the same time too :shakehead: Poor bette.
A hug Tina only a friendly hug is all Bette needs right now!..is that too much to ask?? damn i thought she would be more sensitive to a friend that is so devastated. Im glad Alice is coming she will be there for Bette.
FAN, SHIT, HIT – not necessarily in that order, but I’m not sure how else to feel about Ally being around a devastated Bette. I’m wondering if Tina realises that what will be the most painfull discussion she will have with Bette will almost certainly be made 1000 fold more difficult with Ally in the same city!
Ally, you seem like a nice girl, but stay in NYC! Thanks for writing,Citygirl!
i have always been a tibette shipper, but only in ur story do i feel that maybe, just maybe tina should be with someone else… great update! i feel it is the most natural thing for tina to call ally over.
Tina is a coward. She does not need Ally there b/c it will inhibit her discussion w/Bette. Does she want Bette to see how happy she iswith Ally and ask for her release from Bette. She wants Bette to let her go? She was insensitive to Bette’s feelings. I don’t know what to make of all this. I agree with you that “After The Fall” is an outstanding story. Actually one of the best on the site, IMO. But Teddy Figueroa seemed superior to Tina and that made the ending much easier for a TiBetter to take, JMO. As spartjones used to write”It’s just fanfic, y’all. Lighten up.” We TiBetters take this stuff far too seriously probably b/c IC has treated TiBettte like shit. Good writing, citygirl.
Tina think having Ally there will help her in her decision. But once Ally see the love Tina still has for Bette than she will make that decision to leave Tina.
Maybe Bette needs to be done with this needy Tina. Tina seems to always need someone to lean on….and the list is long…..Eric, Bette, Helena, Henry, Ally. Bette draws on her own strength…she had a fling, nothing more. I’m thinking Tina will never be anything other than someone that can only stand up, when she is leaning against someone else. Bette needs someone of more substance than a pretty face, a sexy body and a sweet voice. I hope Bette finally wakes up to what kind of person Tina really is. Tina always has someone to throw in Bette’s face. I think it’s lilly livered of Tina to not be able to talk to Bette without having someone close by to run to. Ally, be careful of what you are setting yourself up for. Life with Tina is not what you deserve!
If ally comes then tina will be more likely to choose to stay with her……not what I want or need…Poor bette will be left all alone in LA without shane, without the hope of tina ever coming back to her. With the knowledge that tina has moved on and is with the new women of her life…what is left for bette??? NOTHING!!!!!! Pls stop this train wreck before it happens…oh god I hate not being able to read the end of the book first!!!
I think Tina was a bit selfish to invite Ally to LA. What is she thinking? I guess Tina loves herself most. Did she really get the message from Shane’s letter? Urgh… Tina really pissing me off now. After the funeral she better off LA for good with Ally, since she don’t even give a shit to Bette!!! *taking a deep breath…breath in , breath out*. Better, thanks for update :)
It’s unanimous! Nothing against Ally, she seems perfectly nice and deserves better than being strung along by weak Tina, but thumbs down on her trip to LA. For everyone’s sake she should stay away. Certainly she’s something that Bette doesn’t need to deal with right at the moment, but Ally should have more self-respect than to let Tina continue to dither as to whom she loves, and Tina needs a swift kick in the ass, which she won’t get if everyone continues to accomodate her.
Ok, here goes…I understand Bette was in the wrong years ago and is no angel, but come on Tina. Give her a break…aside from Kit she has no one and you can’t even give her a much needed hug for Gods sake. If she can’t even give her a hug at a time like this something is very wrong. If she thinks that’s all it would take to break her down and go back to Bette, then that’s her answer. She should be with Bette and stop stringing Ally along. Why can’t she be there for Bette and let Bette be there for her? On the hand, I think she’s really being cold and unfair to Bette with inviting Ally out to LA. She needs to wake up and stop pouring salt in Bette’s wound at a time like this…she’s just lost the one person who has helped her thru everyday that Tina has been gone and now she has no one to lean on, but Tina’s made sure she will be surrounded by Ally and Alice. Really unfair, unfeeling and selfish. ok, I’m done my rant. Great writing, please continue soon and try to bring them back together. :)
after reading this i decided that i don’t like ally…she’s too perfect and i think she uses that to push tina to choose her…it won’t be good for ally to be with tina while they daying goodbye to shane and B&T trying to talk…and now i don’t really see any hope for B&T, seems like tina made her mind already…i’m half heart broken already
I just felt a deep pain when Tina said she wandered if it was a good thng thinking about Ally instead of Bette. I just can not imagine this. I am trying to make the jump but as a die hard bettina fan it is hard. Good writing but you killing me.
aaw, all through out the chapter, the only thing i could think about was poor bette…first she loses tina, then spends 5 years with a glimmer of hope, then to lose her best friend – the only one that was there to support her, then to have tina come back with ally to smash all hopes to bits and pieces…siiigh, poor bette, i hope she finds her happiness somewhere =( but anyways, another brilliant chapter! i do so very much enjoy your writing! can’t wait til the next installment! =)
Wow, you are amazing!! This is such a great sorry, I can`t find the right words for it! Please continue soon!
I don’t have a rational comment to make but wanted to let you know that I am still reading and confused as ever. Tina is a beautiful blonde coward.
I am a Tibetter…but I am really trying hard to like Tina in this story. She is only thnking about herself…maybe Bette should just get on with her life cause Tina is stringing everyone along…she’s stringing Ally and Bette. Tina is in denial and it is making me a little angry. What about Bette’s comfort? All Tina can think about is Ally being there to comfort her. In some way I am hoping Ally turns out to be the chick Bette had a one night stand with in New York that time and Tina can’t deal with that and leaves her. I’m sorry I am just so frustrated I am reaching for straws….lol
Oh jeez! Poor Bette. On top of all the pain that she is going thru now she will have the added pain of seeing Ally with Tina! That would be rather insensitive of Tina. I’m heartbroken. Oh well… lets see what happens…. Thanks city!
Whew! …One last thing: How long has Tina been dating Ally? And she can’t tell her that she loves her?? Tina needs to get a clue, and Ally and Bette need to get someone else to moon over. Puh-lease! …Boy, this fic is inciting some heated emotions! I am surprised by myself. H.A.L.T.! H.A.L.T.! I better go temper my savage breast with some butterbrickle ice cream! Thanks for the ride, Citygirl, it’s been a doozy!