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A Life I Never Meant Chapter Twenty Five
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I’m leaning against my car looking at Tina walking out of the lawyers office. She’s been close to tears all day, but still refuses to cry. At least she still won’t cry in front of me. So much has happened already today. All the arrangements have been finalised for the funeral, and we’ve started to figure out what’s going to happen to Shane’s house and all of her possessions.
As Tina gets closer I can see that her trip to the bathroom had more to do with needing to cry than anything else. Her eyes are red where she’s been wiping away the tears, and everything about her says that she’s almost defeated by all of this.
“Are you OK?” I ask, for the lack of not knowing what to say.
“I knew that I should have never started crying, because now I can’t stop.” she smiles, helplessly.
“You will, it’s just a lot to take in.”
“Is it wrong to feel like I don’t want to take any of it in? That I don’t want to have to deal with anything thing.”
“No, I think that every minute of the day.”
“Really?” asks Tina, surprised.
“Yeah. Hadn’t you noticed?”
“You were always good at hiding the things that you didn’t want me to see.”
“And you were always so good at seeing them anyway.”
“I must be out of practise.”
“Alice called.” I say, changing the subject away from the two of us.
“How’s she doing today?”
“She’s at The Planet. I actually think that she’s coping with it better than any of us. Either that or she’s hiding it really well. She’s been an amazing support to me, every night when I get home after dealing with all if this, she’s there, telling me how I’m going to get through it, even though I can’t even see my way to the next day.”
“I’m happy that she’s there for you Bette.”
“Are you?” I ask, almost like a challenge.
“Bette, I know that you might find this hard to believe, because there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ve probably caused some of this, but I never wanted you to suffer. I know in this case it’s hard not to think that the pain will never go away, but Alice wants to help you, so much. It breaks her heart to see you this way.”
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WOW – the ending was a surprize to me – I loved the way it took a while for them to connect around the pain – your writing is so wonderful and not rushed. The hesitancy of both women seems so very real and yet the pain just below the surface ready to emerge and reveal them to one another. I wonder if they know what they real want or if they can at this time of loss. Great story though very painful on so many many levels.
another intense chapter. really wonder how this is all going to turn out. But i guess one sure thing is that everyone will be strong enough to move on in the end.
I did not get to comment on the last story but I think you hinted that you should not have mentioned Sparta. As much as I enjoy fanfic I have become a master at breaking the codes that fanfic writers adhere to. You mentioned Sparta for a reason. Your writing this story in this manner for a reason. Its all about creating that sense of suspension and doubt. The end of this story is yet another confirmation of this fact. But city I’m along for the ride no matter what direction you take cause it isn’t about sensationalism getting that next big reaction from the readers although that’s important. It’s about telling a well rounded story with characters anyone could actually sympathize with. Thanks
A cautious start, which, given the intensity of the situation, may not be a bad thing. But at least its a start.
So heartbreaking – their pain is palpable – but so beautifully written.
That was so well done, the tension, the sadness, the comfort offered…
Fuck… You write emotion so well! We’ve been waiting for them to spend some time together and was it worth the wait – superb chapter mate.
you’re killing me..it’s like the hope for Tibette together is leaving bit by bit but with just enough time to come back but now both Bette and Tina have doubts and in a way i think Bette is already given up on them…i guess it will be another heart-breaking story if it will turn that way
You are, ever so slowly, breaking my heart…
So painful and raw, that was one well written chapter. Thank you.
i really like the ending.. i still believe that bette should not end up with tina in this story..
after reading your chapters, sometimes i dont know if there’s any comment i can leave that would express how much credit you deserve! speechless. =) i say it over and over again, but i dont know how else to say it – i can’t wait for more – to see how this is all going to work out! – any way it ends, i’m sure will be fitting seeing how great of a writer you are! post soon! =)ps – i think you should replace the writers of the l word!
Finally a hug from Tina!. I dont think Bette & Tina should stay toguether at the end..Bette needs to move on with her life..go to another city or go travel or whatever..maybe she will find someone especial just Tina did with Ally..she is a good person so no surprise there that Tina is in love with her. I miss Shane alot and i wonder if Carmen got the news and how she must be feeling. Great writing! Post soon.
After reading the last sentence, I hope the story doesn’t end with Bette saying “I loved you so much that I’ll have to let you go”. That would really bum me out. But obviously mileage varies. Ally is sweet and decent but for me kind of bleh. Your writing is outstanding and if it wasn’t so good I wouldn’t be faithfully following this story.
I don’t know what to think. Right now if they don’t end up together it won’t surprise me. But it would be really mean to end it with Bette not being with anyone.
*mumbling to self* It’s only a story sky…it’s only a story. This story makes me so sad…which means you are doing a hell of a job writing. You know you’re good when the reader feels the pain and the hopelessness. I want you to post soon…but I am scared of what I might find.
“I don’t even know if that person is Tina anymore.” I hope to high hell that this statement is true. Bette needs Tina like she needs a hole in her head! Both are holding on to the past that does to be buried. I don’t even want them to be friends after this. I hope that closure can be found. Bette can find someone better for her. What a heart wrenching time to go through Shane belongings..that was sad. Post soon!
This is a sad story where I believe in my heart that Bette will let Tina walk away. If Bette and Tina should get back together, Bette will wonder if they got back togerher because of Shane death. Tina loves Ally. And that something else Bette will think about. So Bette please let Tina go.
HG, I am trying to figure out if the following is in my head or if this is how you intend for me to see it. In this story Bette seems to be the more vulnerable, the more needy one. She wants the relationship and she is dropping broad hints to Tina to that effect (would a proud B do that, especially once she perceives the “cool” reaction from Tina? But I guess Bette has always been undone by Tina.) Tina, on the other hand, seems much more self contained and more immune to Bette. She indulges Bette when Bette needs her, but it seems like there is more en element of guilt to her actions than elements of longing. There is affection, of course, but little else beyond that. She was torn up about seeing Bette because she knew it was going to be a difficult interaction, not because she felt any danger of being swayed. At this point in the story this is what this one reader has perceived and concluded.
Yes they will always belong together….please bring them together.
ur killing me hear but great i am glad they r both moving on
This was painfully well written. God you get me so wraped up in this story. You are breaking my heart so slowly. Thoughout this chapter it looked like things were looking up. Then the last sentence your killing me!!!
CG, your writing is excellent. When you have readers with torn emotions,then you must know that you’re doing something good. I like ally, i don’t find her boring at all. She loves Tina, and Tina loves her. That’s it. B&T really need to talk. And i can’t wait unitl they do! So much history, and they both can’t move on unitl they’ve talked about their past. Tina is still the greatest, i still love her(yes,i’ve seen s3). She’s offering Bette her best, and that’s what you do when you love someone. Anyways..this is your story. I’m ususally a sucker for a happy B&T, but ally’s a damn good catch. And if B&T can’t be together, then T&A.
I was getting sooo excited then Wham! your final line brought me down to earth with a bang. Please, please dont break my heart Bette & Tina, Bette & Tina
oh that is just too poignant, I can absolutely feel both of them and I so want them together…so I’m shedding a few tears for Bette, for them, and I still haven’t forgiven you for Shane, lol…more soon please
Good! It’s time to move on Bette, forget about Tina.
WOW again I don’t know what to say. I can feel the pain, there is still something there but what is it. Thanks for taking the time.
She’s gone. …I think the tide will turn for Bette and all with be well. They’ll get to a good place. This chapter reminded me that when things change between two people, it’s not good to avoid each other. Seeing each other, allows them to witness and accept the changes. It’s serves the same purpose that a funeral does for death. Going back over familiar territory is helping Bette and Tina to see that time has changed them and their relationship. I can hope now for a healthy resolution, not the torture of a continuing past. Someone else who’s had Latin, help me. There is a tense that defines the continual past…the Imperfect? Well, B&T need to perfect the past and move on. Thanks!
just how do you do it???? you’re killing me here!! it always amazes me your ability to display the emotions so… so… I can’t even begin to describe it… you’re toitally tbreaking my little B&T heart here…Somehow, I think the last line was more like Bette thinking Tina didn’t want to be with her anymore, because good ol’ Alice told her Tina was in love with Ally… but I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you to make B&T end up together!!!!! Post soon please!
How could Tina control herself so well? It amazing me.
this is soooo intense
Why must you be such a great author?! I love your story so much, but right now I feel like I did while watching season 3 – I have to read with one eye closed because I fear what is going to happen next. :-) Thanks as always!
Beautiful and sad. It brought tears to my eyes. I almost think that S4 will end up taking this path. Tina finding someone new (not Henry). Bette will also find a new love interest and IC will break all the viewers hearts again. Sigh….Post again soon.
Gosh, that was so emotional and the pain was really too much. Thanks for the writing, City. Well it’s seems like Bette is also having doubts … seems like there’s no chance for Tibette …