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A Life I Never Meant Chapter Twenty Seven
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As I drive to The Planet I’ve got one eye on the road and the other eye on Tina. I can practically see her mind turning over with everything that she has to think about. Every so often she’ll look up at me with a sad smile that tells me she’s working hard at not just giving in to all the sadness that she’s feeling. I try to think of a topic that will take her mind off things, if only on this short ride to the wake, but nothing is coming to mind.
“You know how you’re always telling me how West Hollywood is a small place, well, I believe you now.”
“Why’s that?” asks replies, still looking down at her hands.
“Because I met Carmen, and she knew who I was.”
“When? How?” asks Tina, shocked.
“When I was outside, while you were talking to Bette. She just came over and introduced herself.”
“And she knew who you were?”
“I’m thinking that maybe Alice might have something to do with West Hollywood being a small place.”
“How was she?”
“It’s hard for me to say because I don’t know what she would normally be like, but I guess that subdued would be a good word to describe it. It was like there was a tiny piece of life sucked out of her by losing Shane.”
“She was the only one who ever got through those defences. Saw all the things that Shane tried to hide from the rest of us.”
“She said that the only solace that she could find was knowing that her and Shane had spoken just before she died. That gave her some kind of peace, the idea that she got to tell Shane that she was still loved, and that if things went well they might get a second chance. I think that if things had been very different then she might have given Shane the opportunity that she wanted.”
“But things aren‘t different.”
“And I think that’s breaking her heart more than she let on, but there’s something to be said for knowing that you got to say what you wanted before it’s too late.”
“I think that Bette’s going to talk to her about where she’s wants the ashes to be scattered.”
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Why do Tina need to talk to Bette now?Bette has moved on.
poor poor poor Bette, come into my arms, I will comfort you.
I love your vision of Tina and Bette having to say an honest goodbye after holding on and protecting themselves from loving again. It is sad to have to face all the losses that living presents but I think you have done an awesome job with this story and am grateful for such real characters. Tina will always seem a little vague and out of touch with herself to me – she seems so much more like a reactor than an actor but maybe she has just been self protective as she said. I hope Bette finds new love too.
Yep, you strung us along and I’m mad as hell. My heart is broken, in fact I couln’t even read the last page.
Citygirl, your story has been a great read, Tina is in love with Ally but in a way I sensed that Tina and Bette have moved on from each other, but for them finally to go their separate ways they both need the closure from each other, way back at the beginning when Shane and Bette were talking in the bar about the person walking through the door might be the one that they would spend the rest of their lives with, maybe this will be Bette’s beginning on moving on from Tina, and that special someone for Bette will indeed walk through the door. I have loved how you have written these chapters from the Characters P.O.V. and even though I love the characters of Tina and Bette overcoming the odds and getting back together in stories, but you know it’s also interesting to read stories that have Tina and Bette “will they or won’t they get back together” to read and in your case I think they won’t. IMO it nice to read a story that is different, so I thank you for sharing and I hope that when time permits another Citygirl story will be posted. Thank you.
PS. me thinks citygirl75 has a last card up her sleeve. sue
oh no you just tore up my heart and my day, ally and tina what a dull combination!!!!! sorreeeeeee
if bette gives up it will be out of simple resignation, weariness with waiting, i believe she loves tina and vice versa but tina has chosen the easier uncomplicated ally????there was always that possibility with tina….
Oh dear… I was listening to “Jesus to a Child” while I was reading this. Mistake on my part, as I’m now irrevocably depressed! That aside, this is another great chapter citygirl, keep on keepin’ on.
I’m so sad right now, but this is not over yet, so I won’t give up…..I’m a B&T beliver all the way until there is no more hope!!!
*Sigh.* Why does Ally sound perfectly boring (BUT VERY NICE)? Like all of us Tina is settling for the “nice guy” and leaving the rake behind. *Sigh* Bette has no friends left. *Sigh* Thanks CG for the lovely ride; you are a talented writer. I look forward to your next one.
Wow! Everybody is behaving decently and maturely. I like it. And I’m glad Ally spoke up for herself. About time somebody uttered something important and true. And all this time I thought Tina couldn’t handle the truth. Maybe it’s not so tough when you’re hearing a declaration of love.
I like a few other are unsure If I can carry on with this story as my heart has just been totally broken. I read this story last hoping that my Tibette heart would be smiling, but no I am going to Bed depressed great writing
I’m sorry but you broke my heart. Wow I still had some hope you were getting them back together. I guess not :(
This chapter was so good. This whole story is so wonderfully written. This story is great. The flow of it, the direction it’s been going… You strung us along, and we all let you take us where you wanted to go. Thank you for this tale.
ugh!
sigh….dammit to hell citygirl…I hope Ally has this deep dark past…like she used to be a man or something. I mean throw us Tibetters a bone here.
You are slowly ripping my heart apart!
Saint Ally. Now, put her on the wheel. …Just kidding…Thanks!
I am so sad that this is a b/t not happily ever after story. ally seems nice and all, but she is no bette porter. man, i was having a bad day already, now this makes me sad on top of that! bette has lost tina, shane, dana, and alice lives on the other side of the country! she has kit. what, i know, maybe jenny is still around too! okay, i am done pouting. i really like the story, so i am going to try to hold out hope …
am torn, knowing its the end of B & T, but happy all the same that Tina has found love again, now it’s time for Bette.
Citygirl, All I have to say is thank GOD Tina’s taking her tired ass back to NY with ALLY, where she belongs(atleast I hope she is going back to NY). Let Bette move on from Tina, which I suspect that she has.
I like Ally and Tina together. They fit, but in a different way than Tina and Bette did. In a better way. I like it. Great chapter as always!
Well…fuck. Maybe one of my first thoughts was rightin that Bette and Alice will get back together.
it’s been a little while since we knew where you are going with this story and i thought that knowledge will help to ease the heartache when b&t are eventually not together in the end. but my heart still aches when i was reading your post.
Every chapter is just so good.
Wow! You did a great job of stringing us along, keeping us in the story…whenever we would say we couldn’t read anymore because our TiBette hearts were breaking, you would make a comment in the authors notes that would hint that we shouldn’t worry…all to lead up to this. You wrote this beautifully, yet that doesn’t make my heart hurt any less, doesn’t ease the saddness. Thank you.
Hmmm, no B&T fairytale ending. I’m sad. Ok, where’s Helena? My moment of sadness is over. Give Bette one hell of a sexcapade with HOT @ss Helena! =)
well damn.. finally Tina found her voice.Bette knows Tina well enough and recognizes “the looks” that are for Ally, not her.When your heart is so totally broken open, like in Shanes death for Bette, at least she’s compensated with real clarity. She’ll be able to move on now. Seamless and killer. sue
Rasberries!
Great chapter! Now let Tina talk to Bette and finally have some clousure..so Bette can move on.
honestly after this chapter i agree with smiley.. take her to NY already please.. i hate it when bette is so sad and tina is happy.. am a bette fanatic what can i say..
Ok, I love your story, I really do, but I don’t know if I can finish it… this chapter is my undoing… hurts a little too much. Regardless, it’s been a really fascinating read. I just can’t stand to see B&T split in two again.
Your writing is wonderful but I agree w/all the TiBetters that have posted. End Bette’s misery quickly if you’re not to reunite them. What can Bette say that will change Tina’s mind?? Bette is going to say that Tina looks really happy and that she doesn’t want to ruin Tina’s happiness w/Ally. You know that “if you really love someone, then love them enough to set them free” BS. Bette’s going to mea culpa herself to death and beat her chest (figuratively) saying how she effed up the best thing she ever had. Done w/my rant.I do appreciate that you write so well otherwise I wouldn’t care so deeply. Yeah, I know they are fictional characters. But I am tired of Bette taking all the abuse while Tina blithely goes on her merry way presumably not feeling any responsibility or guilt. If she does feel guilty it was assuaged by her relationship w/Ally while Bette is alone.
YAy…Ally shepard has won. Haha, see Bette can’t always get the girl!!!. Ally is a good woman. Loving and a gentle woman, who loves and adore Tina. And Tina loves her. So hey, iam on the Altina ship. Btw..did you ever describe what ally looked like? can you describe her again? Is this the end of this story? Are Bette and Tina ever going to talk? Seriously, if you’re planing on reuniting them again, you’ve got us all confused(great writers do that). Yea CG. Great chapter girlie.
Well done City. But I have to wonder why Tina has put off the talk for so long. But then again Tina is passive aggressive and loves to procrastinate, so its not that surprising. You have managed to stay very true to the character in this respect. Bette has all but given her the get out of jail free card. I will not make any particular assumption until these two women talk. Since we are nearing the end I won’t have to wait too long. Ally to me has always been a character, just like Shane’s death, to help make this more interesting so alas she never will rate that highly. I’m elated to read that the proces of writing this story is not emotionally draining. Thank you
So sad …
Bette will love Tina until the day she dies. I do believe that this is Tinas lost. Ally is a good woman but Bette Porter is better. Everyone know this but Ally. No one can campare to Porter. thanks
First, I love your writing. Second, this was an incredibly sad chapter. I could feel Bette and Tina finally letting the other go. I hate to admit it as a diehard TiBetter, but it seems, at this particular time, like the right decision *hiding in shame for even thinking this* and like they are both starting to heal from the damage they did to one another. Okay, and finally, as you are such a fabulous author and can do anything, please get B&T back together. No matter how much sense it makes to have them apart or how improbable it seems to get them together, it’s always what my L Word loving heart wants :). Thank CG–you are amazing.
At first, please let me quote three persons – adding my own thoughts… — Shane’s letter to Tina : ‘ When the fire burns that bright it’s hard to put it out, and even when you think it is the embers still smoulder.’ (… fan it, for god’s sake, and let increasing sparkles beautifully relight this fire !) — Shane’s letter again : ‘Know in your heart that you made the right choice’ (… with your heart, Tina, not your mind : don’t listen your sense but only your sensibility !)Alice : ‘The feelings may be buried deep inside, and have been getting deeper with every passing year, but right now, they’re dangerously close to the surface again.’ (… and keep security avoiding them isn’t the best resolution) — Azmama’s former comment : ‘Truly loving someone is forgiving the unforgivable. You’ve made Ally very likable and caring so it will be difficult removing her from the picture but c’est la vie.’ (I so fully agree that : Ally is quite lovable indeed… but someone has to suffer in this story, why Bette should be this one ?) ***** Few days before, I discovered your amazing story, reading it from the beginning without any interruption – and with intense emotions… I truly admire your writing’s style (this very clever and endearing à -la-Mankiewicz way to adopt different narrative point of views, the power of dialogues between characters, this between-the-lines intensity, a subtle realistic way to depict those always meaningful details), as well as the intelligent, deep and sensitive way you depict some of life’s most essential topics like love, friendship, life and death, regrets, all these awful ‘what if’, the so heavy burden of our acts’ consequence – or unconsequence – , the concept of second chance, etc.Yes, your very moving story is as acurate and complexe as life, surrounded by a powerful melancholy, fulfilled of all the possible emotions… — Immediately I felt the absolute need to express you my feelings, but because they’re highly personal I hesitated a bit… Far of me the idea to try to influence your plans : I truly have too much respect for authors to act this way. The only thing I want to do is to give my sincere reader’s thoughts, as I did each time I’m reading a particularly endearing novel – when I silently beg for the story to go where I’d wish it goes, even if I know all is already written. Well, that’s human nature, I think ! It’s also the best proof of interest and affection to any book we love.And so I’m acting today : even if I perfectly know that you, the all-mighty author, already knows the end of it, I cannot help but crossing fingers for my own dreamy end to happened – the only privilege of any reader ! That’s why I’m deeply hoping for a tribute to forgiveness and the so essential concept of second chance. That means, of course, our dear B&T reunited for a new beginning. Because, yes, I’m a hopelessly and incurable Tibetter, believing in the power of true love against all life’s difficulties and pains. They mean, for me, a symbol of hope – something I have so much difficulties to believe for myself. To see them finally separated forever would mean the end of this hope, far beyond the limits of your story. Now call me a terribly incurable romantic and you’ll be right ! Because Love means perhaps so much more for those who had and will have no possibilities to know it – even for one priceless day in their lives – and by that I mean shared love, of course. It’s so easy to love without any hope to be loved in return – life’s biggest tragedy.Of course I’ll respect your choices, for I have, as I said before, an huge respect for authors. They have a total freedom in their power of creation and that’s priceless. You know, so many novels let me inconsolable for days after I finished to read them, lost in a lake of tears… That’s the price to pay, sometimes, to know few writing’s jewels and as a lifetime passionate about litterature, I’ll be always ready to pay it. There’s always beauty in tears and that’s the only relieving point.So I’m ready to be left totally heartbroken if ever you’d finally choice the Ally option, but because B&T and the second chance’s concept mean so much for someone like me, I cannot help but crossing my fingers again and again… I also cannot help but feeling this gentle, perfect Ally as the easier love affair Tina could have choiced instead of this unique relationship she shared – and could still share – with Bette : calm instead of tempest, music chamber instead of symphony, easy-going love instead of passion… No risk – no special sparkles. No fire – just the security of a candle… And each time I’m reading a new chapter of yours with the same hope – and each time, even if I truly admire the beauty and deepness of your sensitive style, I’m suffering a lot feeling that all this hope could be a desillusion – one more in my life – , a fictional one in addition to the real ones. I know it’s silly to react so so intensely, to be moved this way, about something fictional, but the way to escape to this sadness when someone like me need fanfictions, here, like a powerful haven against her true life’s reality ? A pity, I know, I realize how crazy it can sounds… But I cannot help it, your last chapter let me in a pretty depressive mood… Anyway, even if your story should let me heartbroken at the end, I couldn’t deny the intense way I ‘lived’ it chapter after chapter. I fear its power on me, a truly negative one currently, but to confess this power isn’t it the best compliment to do to any author ? Far beyond all the pain I have to endure making this journey with you between hopes and desillusions, all my admiration goes to your real writing’s talent. That’s all I wanted to express to you, from the deepest of my heart, through tears and sighs…
damn…i knew this is where you were going and thought i was prepared but you’re still breaking my heart…i want tina to be happy and i guess if she’s happy with ally then nothing we can do but it hurts anyway because it’s the end of B&T…damn
Excellent as always. I wasn’t sure where you were gonna go with this. I always want B&T together, but it seems OK that they won’t. I think they will both be able to move on and be happy. Thanks for takin the time.
one more comment: as nice as ally is she’ll never be bette porter and she’ll never know tina the way bette does…simply impossible…well, it’s tina’s loss
great writing……but I’m so sad……I want Tina and Bette back together…buuuuu!!!!!
can someone pm me if bette and Tina back together cuz i don’t think I can continue reading this anymore. Its killing me softly… don’t get me wrong I like this story but seeing bette alone make me sad while Tina got Ally that loves her so much.