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A Life I Never Meant Chapter Thirty
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I’ve driven about an hour from central Los Angeles to meet Bette at a small stretch of beach. After rejecting her house and The Planet as distinctly non neutral territory she suggested that we meet here. I protested that this was a place the we used go to when we were together, which she countered with the argument that everywhere is somewhere where we used to go to when we were together. Needless to say, I couldn’t reasonably disagree with this so here I am, parking the car, looking to see if I can find her.
I’m late, and I know that she’s probably thinking that I have back out at the last minute, but just as she wants to talk, so do I. There are so many things that I want to say, so many things that I know that I need to listen to, and I know that some of this won’t be easy. Some of it will be almost impossibly hard. I just hope that I have the strength to be honest and to be able to really hear what she has to say.
I walk over to a small store. I can see through the window that there is a small coffee bar and I’m thinking how great it would be to have a shot of caffeine to make this whole thing easier. That’s when I hear someone coming up behind me.
“I already got you coffee.” Bette says, handing a cup to me.
“Thanks.” I say, smiling at the gesture.
“How are you?” she asks, almost shyly.
“Better than yesterday, and yesterday I was better than I was the day before.”
“Just trying to take it one day at a time.” suggests Bette.
“Yeah, but those days have their bad moments, then I can go a whole thirty minutes where I don’t think about Shane at all.”
“I’m worried about Alice.” says Bette, the concern evident.
“She called me. She told me that she’s moving back to LA. You must be pleased. I know that she can be insane but she loves you, and wants to know that you’re OK.”
“It is good to know that she’ll be coming back. Kit’s been amazing but it’s not the same as having a close friend around.”
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i agree with funnyone as well. good work! Tina’s cowardice and Bette’s pridecombined for a relationship meant to be broken.Finally, with their new found honesty, perhaps they can become companion to some aspect of their individual lives. Friends?
This story left me sad.. I can’t handle a story with B&T not together :(
If mistakes were made by these two people, why Bette is the only suffered it?
Shit shit shit crap Bette & Tina forever
I knew I didn’t need to read this chapter and now my TiBette heart is truly broken. I wonder though, is this really the end, you and they have left it open by them expressing that, “I will always love you.” Yes Tina is going back to NYC with Ally but how long will she stay with her. When she realizes that they just might have a small chance to make it right, how long will she stay with Ally before she goes back to LA? Now maybe I’m just really wishing for the big one here, but that is what I read into what they have said to each other. AND they did not say “goodbye,” to each other. By doing that you left a lot up in the air, and a lot could be deduced from that action or non-action as it were. I could be wrong, I’ve been wrong before, but it’s rare. Wonderful story.
Sigh…I knew that was coming…have you decided if you will make an alternate ending? Your writing rocks, you did what you set out to do which was to break our hearts…now only YOU can mend it Citygirl…”Unbreak our hearts…say it’s B & T again…undo this hurt that you caused when Tina walked out the door and Ally walked into her life… Uncry these tears…we’ve cried so many nights….*throws up hands and walks away.*
Damn Tina…I don’t know when you began this story if it was your intention to have Ally wind up w/Tina. She is far less maintenance than Bette and Tina seems to want that but she is giving up on a person that loves her w/o question and who is a life force. It’s easy for Tina to say if Bette called her she would have come running but would she really have?? She had so much anger and hatred of Bette, I doubt if she would have returned to Bette. I was never crazy about the character of Tina and I only liked her w/Bette. Now with your story, I don’t care if she doesn’t return to TLW. That’s how powerful your writing is.
i am with the others….im heart-broken……im gonna go cry in quietness ……BUT……..awesome written chapter as usual…….thanx…..post soon
Ditto to the above comments. A heart-breakingly beautiful story!
okay, i’m back, read it all and my heart is still in pieces…i agree with everyone though that the story is beautiful but it doesn’t make it less painful…i think tina is settling for something simple like ally because she knows that life with bette is can be intense…ally is not complicated and if that’s what tina wants then she got it…this is just too sad to think that even in some fan fic there’s no hope for them like on the show…okay, and now i’m back to drinking myself to oblivion
Once more reading a new chapter of your truly moving, almost unbearable but so beautifully written story let me in tears with intense sadness in my heart… Each time I fear this negative effect on my fragile mood, but your real talent bring me back again and again, ready to suffer… If that makes me a fool, well, ok, that’s what I am. And you know what ? I’ll be such a biggest fool right now, letting my naive but sincere fantaisy goes on. So, let’s go to this precious Denial-land of mine… *** I had a dream. I dreamed this painfully melancholic chapter was the first part of a miraculous reversal where Tina will realize, on her departure to New York, how far of her passionate and yet broken ex-lover is someone as sweet but predictable as Ally. I dreamed that embers of her love for Bette will burn again with the realization of what she’s on the way to definitly let go and so she’ll need to explain these feelings to her current girlfriend. I dreamed that both of our lost heroines will finally realize how wrong they are : Bette for not even trying to get her one and only soulmate back, and Tina for denying the obvious supremacy of such an unique relationship on a poor choice for security and comforting ease. I dreamed that this so honest and lucid Ally will also realize how nothing could never be compared to what these two not-so-former-lovers still share – and so will bravely let Tina go… Finally, last but not least, I dreamed that our so talented Citygirl75 planned from the very beginning to let her story going as close to the point of non-return as possible, enjoying the unbearable heartbreaking effect of that author’s strategy on her so numerous sensitive and incurably romantic readers, but ultimately making to them the priceless gift of a happy reversal at the exact time almost all of them would give any hope up… Yes, that was what I dreamed about, closing my eyes after having read this so sad chapter. I admit that I’m an hopeless unrealistic, naive, silly romantic girl. And ultimately, I’m happy to be this fool, since that’s the only part of me that can bring any reality to my lifetime impossible dreams. So, yes, here’s my more than ever motto : I’m still crossing fingers, I’m still hoping for a happy B&T end, I’m still dreaming. Period.
If both can be happy without each other than so be it. thanks
This would have been less painful and an honorable parting at the end of S1. S2 & S3 scew us up big time. I believe time is irrelevant if you truly love someone; let them go and if it meant to be….well I know its hopeless, but ‘hope’ is always a part of ‘hopelessness’ so I’m still holding on :). Thanks!
shit, shit, shit! Not the writing…it is always wonderful..just trying to deal with the story line.
Oh, citygirl…..I like the way Therese Belivet thinks. If her dream is correct then we’ve been punk’d big time! You have all us TiBetters raving at you. This would be the ultimate fake out. And I think that I’m liking her idea. It makes sense to me. Now you know I am crazy. These are the lyrics to The Be Good Tanyas song “In Spite of All the Damage”If I wanted to say to youThat I wanted to see your face againThat I want to hear you laughingIn spite of all the damage I’ve doneIf I wanted to hear you talkin’Or to hear your sense of thingsOr to call you up on a Sunday morningIn spite of all the damage I’ve doneWell I broke up our home and left you nowhere to runYes I broke up our home and left you nowhere to runI’m living out my days awayI think you understand that I could not stayBut I like to hear you laughingIn spite of all the damage I’ve doneIn spite of all the damage I’ve doneWell I broke up our home and left you nowhere to runYes I broke up our home and left you nowhere to runI think it illustrates what Bette has done and it’s time for Tina to forgive if she truly loves Bette as deeply as she claims to.
I feel like my heart just went thru a MEAT GRINDER. =(
TiBette Forever! :) Okay outburst over. I do enjoy your writing very much. Thanks.
This is really a comment on the TV series: it’s not like Bette killed someone. She committed adultery, during a very stressful time in her life when she and Tina weren’t getting along well. Did Tina’s idealized love of Bette prevent her from being allowed to make human mistakes. Or, did Tina take so much from Bette because the trade-off was Bette’s fidelity, and when this ‘most desirable woman in LA’ was unfaithful, Tina lost the sole chip she had in the game? I’ll never understand. I’ll never understand. …Thanks for the discussion. I hope they can move on. Time is a’ wasting! …Is Tina still of child-bearing age, I wonder? Thanks.
Hey, one more thing: Shane left Carmen TWICE! I know, she didn’t mean to but…
Wow. That was so well written and so sad. But They neededto move on. Ally seems good for Tina and Tina did the right thing for once. It’s OK they are not together. Thanks for takinf the time. If this is done I hope you come back with a new story.
It’s me again…Maybe Ally will step off that same curb as Shane and Therese and all the other dyed-in-the-wool TiBetters can have their happy ending: Tina, Bette and Alice, all in grief therapy together . Again. Amen. …How’s that for an ending??? …That’s the only way I can see B&T back together: Huis Clos.
I’m a TiBetter too. Maybe not for this TiBette, though. … Thanks, CG!
I have been a scilent reader to this great story and I kept coming back hopping for a Tibette ending…well I got it, it’s just not the ending I was wishing for….This just broke my heart.
i didn’t read the whole thing yet because i need to run for some errands but what i’v seen just broke my heart…nothing will help to mend it, only B&T getting back together but the hope is gone…forever…damn (i’ll come back when i read it again)
well, my heart just broke this early sunday morning. damn.
My heart is broken as well. They need to be together, I just can’t accept this.
You have written a very good but heart breaking story. Even though I have had my moments of being angry with both Bette and Tina, I feel they belong together. Sorry, I do not like Ally! I don’t know what to think about Alice’s part in Tina and Ally’s relationship…I think she has and continues to encourage it…how can she continue to call herself Bette’s friend. As good as this story is, it has truly broken my heart.
So sad but Bette and Tina are now finally able to move on from each other, Tina with Ally and I’m hoping that Bette will find love just as Tina has. It has been a really heartbreaking story to read, thanks for sharing.
As you know CG, my heart is definelty not broken over TiBette! Yes! finally is taking her ass back to New York and hopefully Bette does not have to see her for awhile. Like I said a couple a times a year but that’s it. There is no love lost for Tina as far as I am concerned. Thanks for sharing!
Sad..but 5 years apart lots of stuff happens and Tina fell in love again to another person..so it was about time B&T had clousure and Bette can move on. I miss Shane though..
You broke my heart!!!It looks like they´ll be apart… it´s that what you’ll do? Please… give us some hope to see B&T togheter again…
Fuck…… that’s it just…. Fuck…..
NO NO NO….. i’m just fuckin’ dyin’ here!!brilliantly written as always though.x.x.
fuck .. fuck tina your a dumbass
Oh god. Great writing, but so difficult to read. Sad sad…. :(
Out of every comment I’ve seen on this chapter so far, funnyone’s makes the most sense. Of course I want B&T back together (on the show for sure, fanfiction is something completely different), but the way you wrote B&T here, well, it sounds like it would be pretty stupid to try again. And I’m really trying to convince myself of everything I just said. lol Oh and dalloway3, I thought it was pretty clear that Sunday was the designated heartbreak day in FF Land. ;) I personally would’ve picked Saturday so that way we’d have a day to pick ourselves up and get ready for a new week.
It’s sad, but I really don’t see how it could go any other way. An epic (often first) love can be so massive it functions like a black hole when things go wrong and tear things apart sub-atomically. Too great a trauma to ever go back, the pieces will never quite fit together the same.
This story is so well written. Thanks.
This story is so well written. Thanks.
This is a great story: well written and heartfelt but what is really sad, to me anyway, is the thought of someone pining for five years of her life, grieving for an old relationship. As I get older waste like that seems the worst thing in the world. To quote Buffy’s philosophy ‘Life is short.’
Well, shit balls, my small, glimmer of hope is fading fast:). This is such a sad story, especially for TiBetters. However, I think it is a testament to your remarkable abilities as a storyteller that we all continue to enthusiastically read. Thank you CG.
ok I avoided reading this forever but now I have, I haven’t read anyone else’s comments but I’m not convinced that its over for B & T…so guess I’m in denialsville but I kinda like it there…and there’s just something in your writing that hasn’t convinced me that its over…just my gut feeling…
Bravo CG! Finally the talk! The good, long awaited, heartbreaking B&T Talk. Oh soo excellently written CG.Just excellent!Yes, It was heartbreaking, but it was also so real. Only if the actual show will get them to talk about the affair, and the aftermath of it.I don’t blame either one of them(even though i love Tina more). I think they’ve both suffered and grieved over the sad end of this relationship.Equally grieved over it. It’s only right that Bette feels more sorrow,because she’s the one that cheated(nail in the coffin affair). But Tina’s grief was very well written. She took responsibilities for her part and her faults. I believed it.Good for her. I don’t know if this is the end, but i’ve enjoyed this story very much. And i’m happy ally got her girl!
i hate to say this, but i really hated this chapter, i don’t think that every story should have a happy reunion, but i just don’t believe in tina’w new relationship!!!!!!!
heartbreaking, but beautifully written. Thanks!