Chapter 21

Shane looked at what she had scrawled on the paper. Her whole world was in turmoil. Shane, kiss me.  It was every bit a plea, and demand for Shane to face the truth hidden deep inside her. Carmen had in that single instant laid bare her emotions for Shane to see and she had expected Shane to do the same. Shane raked her fingers through her hair. It was so fucking hard. She wanted to tell Carmen she felt something, something she didn’t dare to put a name to. She had fallen into an abyss when Cherie left and now she was afraid she was falling into something else. A bottomless ocean where she was left treading on water with the waves engulfing her. She needed to get out of this room where the words on the paper were staring right back at her. She grabbed her coat and shades and strode out of the house, determined to forget everything.

When Carmen arrived, the whole house was empty. “Shane?” She rapped her knuckles gently against the door and when there was no response, she opened it. The bedsheets were twisted and the coverlet laid rumpled on the floor. Another sleepless night for Shane and some part of her felt guilt because this time, she was probably the cause of it. She was about to leave when she caught sight of a piece of paper on the floor. Curious, she bent down and picked it up, thinking it might be Shane’s writings. She caught a glance at the contents and curiousity prompted her to read it. Five simple lines and perhaps, that was the most revealing thing Shane could ever say about her feelings.

“Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in?
Don’t be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don’t want to run away from this.
I know that I just don’t need this.”

It was in a messy scrawl, barely legible and very different from Shane’s usual writing. Carmen was about to leave it on the desk when she saw the pen lying invitingly on the desk. Carmen wondered if the question was directed at her and some part of her wanted to answer it. She picked up the pen and looked at the paper. She wasn’t a poet, wasn’t someone gifted with the talent of evoking emotions with lines and verses but she felt  compelled to write something. To let Shane know she wasn’t alone in this. She wrote her response to Shane’s question, spread the paper on the desk and put the paperweight on it. If Shane was determined to avoid her, there was nothing she could do. But she was not going away and this was the only way to let Shane know that.