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Of Me…Chapter 16
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(They walk into Bette’s house and wander through like tired zombies.)
TINA- “How about some coffee?”
BETTE- “I don’t know, I could actually use a nap. My body is all out of whack from trying to sleep in that chair.”
TINA- “Ok. I’ll try and fix some food for later.” (Bette walks into her bedroom, takes off her clothes, and, in her undergarments, dives into bed. Tina starts to look through the fridge. Fortunately, Shane had been stocking it while they were at the hospital. There was a note taped to the door… ‘Let me know if you need anything. Shane.’ Tina smiles. She starts to pull stuff out and place it on the counter but then stops. She breathes deeply. She’s tired. She decides a nap is a good idea. She grabs her bag and heads for the bedroom.)
BETTE- “You ok?”
TINA- “I think you had the right idea. I’m wiped. I’m just going to…Bette…do you mind me just putting my stuff in drawers and in the closet?”
BETTE- “Sure.” (Still lying down, her eyebrows come together…) “Tina…” (She slowly sits up and turns towards her.)
TINA- “Yeah?” (Looking at her.) “What?”
BETTE- “Well, why don’t you just move in for the time being. It’s just more practical. And then when Angelica comes home, it’s probably better if we’re all together. I mean…well, if that’s ok with you.”
TINA- (Without flinching…) “Oh you just wanna jump my bones Porter don’t ya?”
BETTE- (Her eyes widen and her mouth drops a bit…) “WHAT? TINA…Geeez…I’m going to sleep…gaawd…that’s not funny…” (she likes like she doesn’t know what to do and turns to go bad to sleep…she falls on her side, looking away from Tina…her eyes darting about. She closes her eyes slowly and hard as she senses the nervous tinge in her chest and thinks to herself ‘I love you’.) “…honestly…I’m just trying to be helpful here…I mean it’s practical.” (She readjusts herself forgetting her arm…) “Ouwwwwwwwwwww…”
TINA- “Are you ok?” (Tina walks quickly up to her and sits next to her as Bette sits up holding her arm and tearing from the pain…) “Hey…” (She puts an arm around Bette as she holds her hand with her free hand. Bette winces from the pain but looks at Tina’s hand and sniffles. She looks at her, like stealing a look before Tina can deliver an influential glance.) “Can I get you some aspirin?” (Bette nods, but stops her…)
BETTE- “In my bag, Dr. Myrddin gave me some painkillers.” (Tina nods and gets up to go look in the bag. She puts them on the stand and goes to get Bette a glass of water. She returns and gives Bette the glass and a pill. Bette consumes her meds. Tina returns to her stuff and is about to place some of it in the closet when she gasps and then starts laughing…Bette has a look on her face that indicates she’s beginning to wonder whether it was Tina in the plane crash…and maybe hit her head a bit much…)
TINA- (She turns to look at Bette…still laughing…) “I can’t escape…they won’t let me…or you…”
BETTE- “What’s so funny? What do you mean?” (Tina walks over, bringing her a note that she found plastered on the closet door. Tina sits next to Bette as Bette takes the note and reads it aloud…) ‘B&T, we have taken the liberty of moving some of Tina’s stuff into the Porter residence. We trust that this is in accord with your plans at the moment. Given Tina’s announcement the other evening that she would spend the night here, we assume that you have since been further enlightened and determined that it makes sense that she spend the night more often. We believe that this is in Angelica’s best interest. If this does not accord with your wishes, please advise. Shane and I will return when you are both at the hospital and undo our tireless efforts by removing Tina’s things back to her place. Alice, Angelica’s Earth Mother.’” (Bette is smiling and still sniffling. She looks at Tina and then back at the note.) “They’re so stubborn…but see, they think it’s practical too.”
TINA- “Right, practical. Uh huh.”
BETTE- “Well, it is…it makes sense.”
TINA- “So…you don’t WANT to jump my bones?”
BETTE- “Tina!”
TINA- “Relax Porter…take it easy.” (She takes Bette’s hand and holds it, which sends a blast of current up Bette’s arm so quickly that she blushes. Tina is sitting too close to see her face.) “Bette…”
BETTE- “What?”
TINA- “We have a lot to talk about. Although, in a way, I guess it’s all kind of secondary.”
BETTE- “Secondary to what?”
TINA- “You jumping my bones…” (Bette gets annoyed and stands.)
BETTE- “I…I’m going to the kitchen. You want anything?”
TINA- (She looks at her but Bette’s eyes are too mobile to make eye contact…) “Is your hand feeling better?”
BETTE- “Yeah, it’s a little better. Can I get you anything?”
TINA- “No, but I’d like for you to sit down.”
BETTE- “What’s wrong with you?”
TINA- “Wrong with me?”
BETTE- “I mean…Tina…”
TINA- “Bette…is your life going to be here with us or not?”
BETTE- “What?”
TINA- “Bette…just please, answer me…I’m tired and I don’t want to pussyfoot around the issue anymore. I’ve had enough.”
BETTE- “You know what the answer is. Why are you making such an issue of it? And me jumping your ‘bones’?”
TINA- “You seem overly sensitive about it. I thought our hearts spoke pretty clearly and loudly on the issue the other day, but you seem to be leaving more unsaid. You’re worrying me. I know we have issues, but ultimately I really don’t care. You, on the other hand, seem sure in one sense and…you seem afraid…and that’s unsettling to look at when you’re looking at Bette Porter, even though I’ve known you for so long and know you in ways no one else does. I’ve seen, felt and experienced your vulnerability, and I know your sensitive heart. Something is troubling you that shouldn’t be. I want to know…I want to know now that you’re here, that you’re here to stay, that you’re not struggling with doubts, at least not on anything fundamental.”
BETTE- “Nothing has changed Tina.”
TINA- “What?” (She trembles internally.)
BETTE- “I can’t live my life without you and Angelica. Nothing has changed from the other night. There is no doubt about that. You know that. I know you know that.”
TINA- “Yeah, I do. But what’s wrong then?”
BETTE- “I…I don’t know. Nothing’s wrong. I’ve been through hell and you’ve been through quite an ordeal, what’s the big deal about feeling a little shaken up and unsure of things? Geezus Tina, it’s only normal after everything that’s happened. What’s wrong with YOU?”
TINA- “Nothing…why?”
BETTE- “I know I’ve been preoccupied before about ‘jumping your bones’…totally preoccupied…but now’s not exactly the time or place to be preoccupied with that…don’t you think? What’s the problem? And I don’t understand…you know I want to be with you, why are you doubting that or focusing on it? What a stupid question…I mean really…you’re the one who started distancing herself like I was revolting after Angelica was born, and now you’re checking MY desire to be with you? I’m the one who should be worried after what happened, don’t you think?”
TINA- (She’s not too ‘happy’ and her intensity rises…) “Right…yes, that’s right, I forgot…you don’t have the right equipment…good thing you reminded me, I almost forgot. I mean gee Bette, you’re a woman, what can you do for me anyway…I need some coffee. Excuse me…” (She walks past Bette, sending another bolt of lightening through Bette, not up and down but right through her chest.)
BETTE- (Not to be daunted, follows her as she enters the kitchen. Tina continues about her business with making coffee…) “Well, isn’t that nice…what the hec is that suppose to mean? You remember what happened don’t you? Oh no…you forgot huh? Yeah, that’s it Tina, what CAN I do for you? Jump your bones…jump your bones? What kind of a thing is that to say anyway?”
TINA- “Give it up Bette, I’m not in the mood. You want to focus on your own feelings of inadequacy that’s fine, but I’ve got more important things to do.”
BETTE- “Inadequacy? INADEQUACY?!!!!” (Shane and Helena are standing in the doorway following the tirade like a tennis match and looking at one another. No one had heard their knocking as they came by to check and see if Bette and Tina needed anything or wanted to have brunch. They go unnoticed from the uncomfortable vantage point of the entranceway.)
TINA- (Without making eye contact, but making much work for herself in the kitchen…) “You’re so preoccupied with yourself. I tell you once night that I have feelings and you go into some sort of freefall. Honestly. What did you expect me to do? Total lack of support or understanding…and after all those years together. At least I had the guts to tell you something was wrong instead of…”
BETTE- “Instead of what Tina? What? Betraying you? Yes Tina, yes…I betrayed you…we know that, we all know that…all our friends know that…I admitted it long ago and paid for it every day…I did nothing but try to make it up to you…”
TINA- “Make it up to me? Right Bette.” (Shane and Helena are frozen and Helena’s mouth is agape, while Shane is cringing at the dredging up of the past.)
BETTE- “I make a huge mistake but admit it and try to face it and fix things…what do you do? Oh yes, that’s right, you do Helena…” (Shane totally cringes. Helena’s eyes almost bulge.)
HELENA- (Yelling…) “OYE there! HOLD IT…STOP!!!” (She walks into the kitchen, and while Bette and Tina look like dear in headlights after they realized they have company, Shane follows Helena with great trepidation…) “What the fuck are you people doing? For crying out loud…honestly…have you both gone mad?!” (She walks right up to them…) “Are you listening to yourselves? What is this? Have both of you totally lost it? Stop now before you do a run through of the past few months! What did you do, start at the day you first met and go through all the mistakes you’ve ever made? I’ve heard enough, and I’ll impale myself on a pitchfork before having to hear the rationale behind this ‘Henry’ business. Honestly!” (Bette and Tina stare at Helena and then look at Shane who, for lack of a better reply, just smiles.) “For your information, she didn’t ‘do’ me, I ‘did’ HER, and it was wonderful…mostly for me…and goodness knows she never actually loved me…she just ‘jumped my bones’” (she looks at Tina and repeats Tina’s words…) “‘jump your bones??????’” (She looks at both of them..) “as I was saying… I DID her only after you did some carpenter after she lost her child, betraying her in the most basic way…you pompous ass. And you…” (turning to Tina..) “you who never really loved anyone in her whole friggin life more than Bette Porter, what the hell are you doing? I have a right mind to…to…to tell Angelica or that doctor of her’s what idiots you’re both being…or worse, I’ll tell the doctor and my mother…you’re lucky if they let you two lunatics anywhere near that child. For goodness sakes, haven’t you and we been through enough? Lord love a duck. Come on Shane, let’s go.” (Shane hesitates…) “Come on…hurry it up, we’ll go get the girls something good for brunch and take it to them at the hospital…no sense in wasting our time here. Honestly.” (She turns and Shane waves to Bette and Tina uncomfortably before following Helena, who has by this point grabbed her by the arm. They leave and Helena slams the front door behind her.)
BETTE- “‘Lord love a duck?’ What the hec does THAT mean?”
TINA- “I don’t know…must be a British expression…”
BETTE- “No, no, I think I may have heard it before, but never really understood it…”
TINA- “Maybe it’s just…” (her eyebrows come together…she rubs her face with her hands…) “Ugh…who cares Bette?”
BETTE- “Just an odd phrase…” (Tina looks at her…) “sorry…are you ok?”
TINA- “Yes. Are you?”
BETTE- “Well, a little shell shocked by the ‘Peabody special’, but other than that…”
TINA- “She’s definitely got hutzpa…”
BETTE- “I thought she was going to blow a gasket…”
TINA- “I thought she was going to smack you…”
BETTE- “Na. I can take her you know.”
TINA- “I wouldn’t be so sure…”
BETTE- “Well, I’m at a disadvantage with the arm and everything…”
TINA- “Bette…”
BETTE- “Yeah…”
TINA- “Shut up…please. I’m going to bed. I want to wake up in a bit and maybe this entire morning will just have been a funny little dream. You do what you like. I’ll see you in a bit in any event.” (She walks off.)
(As Shane and Helena are walking towards the car…)
SHANE- “You know maybe we should’ve just walked back out before getting involved.”
HELENA- “Really? And let them carry on with that nonsense?”
SHANE- “Maybe it’s just some things they have to just unload…or maybe it’s just…”
HELENA- “What…Stupidity?”
SHANE- “No, I mean…well, they’ve been through a lot, maybe it’s just their way of breaking the tension, just a of way of starting over again. Something’s gotta give. I mean who knows, maybe it’s just sexual tension…”
HELENA- (She stops dead in her tracks and turns to look at her…) “Eewwwwwww…are you telling me I just interrupted some warped sense of foreplay?”
SHANE- “Well think about it…all that stuff they were regurgitating is totally irrelevant and yet they were going on about it like the past several weeks never happened…they know, especially now, what’s really important. But it’s still a bit of a shock to their systems…the new reality of their lives. It’s overwhelming…finding each other after a painful break-up, separation, and the recent rollercoaster of events…geez, just the very idea of touching one another again after all that, and after all that ongoing sense of longing and need deep inside…yet hiding it and trying to fight their true feelings because of fear…or whatever…think about it…the thought of reuniting, while it’s already started, is kinda scary. So this silly stuff emerges…”
HELENA- “OYE there…stop…I don’t want to hear anymore. Get behind the wheel Yoda person…I’m too flustered to drive.”
SHANE- “Yes ma’am.”
(Back inside the Porter residence, Bette is leaning up against the counter as she stands there staring out into space. She zones off into a distant time warp and remembers things, vaguely…
That night at the house after the break-up when Tina came to get her things…
TINA- “You destroyed everything that meant anything to me…)
That day after they brought Angelica home from the hospital…
TINA- “Please just hold me. This feels so good.”
That dreadful day she explained her frigidity…
TINA- “I have these feelings…”
That night in Whistler…
TINA- “I don’t want you in my daughter’s life anymore…”
The other night…
TINA- (She continues to stare out the window…) “You know I won’t take her out of your life. I never wanted that.
That plane went down and my world fell apart…because you were on it…I don’t care that you took her from me that night, I don’t care that you betrayed me once, I don’t care…I DON’T CARE…I can’t live without you in my life anymore, one way or another.
That first night together…
TINA- “I love you…”
Last night…
TINA- (She’s struggling with her emotion…) “I’m scared Bette…” (Bette embraces her and they sway for a few moments.) “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.”
That day, after she met her…
BETTE- “Al, I don’t know, she just eviscerates me…”
The day they reunited before the sonogram…
BETTE- “You feel so good…”
The night they first made love…
BETTE- “I love you, I love you, I love you…”
(Bette stops her remembrance and talks to herself…) “I love you.” (She goes into the bedroom and sits on the bed on the other side of where Tina has stretched out. Tina’s back is turned to her. After a few moments…)
TINA- “Are you going to sit there the whole time I sleep and stare? Or are you going to join me and get some rest?”
BETTE- “I’m not staring.”
TINA- “Bette…”
BETTE- “Yeah…”
TINA- Please just get in bed. I can’t fall asleep…hold me.” (Bette looks at her. She gets up, reduces herself to her underclothing and slides into bed.) “Come on Porter, you can do it…just slide up next to me.”
BETTE- “Tina..”
TINA- “What?”
BETTE- “Shut up.” (Tina chuckles and Bette embraces her from behind, bringing a release of muscle tension to Tina’s body and a lump to Bette’s throat. Tina is glad she’s facing away from Bette and glad her watery eyes are closed.)
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Tmerlin, I haven’t left you a comment in a very long time. I’m terribly sorry! Please know that I an enjoying this story immensely. I’m glad to see a new chapter from you…great work!
crazy chapter and i loved it…at least they alive now LOL…bring on some loving and a happy portard family
You’re right TM, something about this does ring true; and when you’re as physically and emotionally drained as they both are, your mouth tends to work much faster than your brain – thus the “craziness”. I think that if B&T both just keep communicating, and be completely honest with each other they will be better than they ever were. I really liked this chapter. A lot of it cracked me up – especially Helena – I liked how she told it like it is. Loved Yoda’s explaination to Helena about the whole thing. I think the quote that Bette’s heard before is “fuck a duck” which is a strange one too! LOL! Your writing continues to amaze me, and you always leave me thirsting for more!
Hey TM, this is not stupid at all. Our ladies have been thru so much shit together in the last two years they don’t know how to act around each other. Like Helena says, its foreplay.
Yeah, I’m seriously thinking Helena ruined Bette and Tina’s foreplay! After they shout everything out, they’d have make-up sex. *sob sob* I’m kind of with Bette on the fight. Tina never tried to explain or apologise on Henry stuff. Even Bette told her not to explore her feelings for men and tried to do something at that time, I really doubted what difference would be made. Tina said She’d forgiven Bette for the Candace stuff. Then all the mistakes unsolved right now should be Henry, filing sole custody, saying starting a family with Henry and missing with Angie. =)
The pain and uncertainty is so heartbreaking!!! Please help them found their special love and happiness!!! Thanks for helping Baby A.
Damn, I think that you need to write season 4. There is drama but yet a very touching side to all the gang and all those involved. Just keep writing whatever is in your pretty head.
You so had me cracking up at the way Helena went off on B & T. Its about time someone did. Loved it, can’t wait for the next, and u still so rock T.
ah man….i absolutely love this fic….it is amazing…..the slowness and the love….ahhhhhhhh i can feel it……bring it on woman……im waitin……..lol……
I could totally se this scenario playing out! They have been through so much and with Anglica on the brink of uncertanity Tibette had to find a way to break up the tension. I totally get that! Post soon!
i like this, i think that this talk is a little hard but it is because the intensiti of their love, they love so much, they care so much for each other that sometimes it’s hurt. Maybe it wasn’t a chapter full of love and kindness but at the end they were together.
Hello TMerlin, this is not crazy at all, i think, i think i know where this is going. It wasn’t as long as your stories usually are,but i was very happy to see you posted. Bette come on, tell tina what she means to you like she did in “valediction” now that story had me in tears..”I said to you once that all that I am and would ever be is beholden to you, lost to the world and found in you, never apart from you, and always with you that I belong to you, now, always and forever. And if you see nothing else in me, hear nothing else from me, feel nothing else for me, hear this, see this, and feel this I love you, I am in love with you, and no other thing, place or person can change that, challenge that or take it away. It is all yours to do with what you wish, whether it’s to say goodbye to me now and take my child from me, or whether it’s to come back to me. It doesn’t matter, because I am dead to everyone and everything, except you and her. I can do nothing to change that, I want nothing to add to that, and all else I know is belittled to that. I need, want, and care for no one other than you. You are all I ever dreamed of, wanted, or needed in a lover. You are my life, you are part of me and you are the best part of methere is no other love, there is no other, there really never was or could be. I love you.”I have goose bumbs, your writting, all i can do is exhale. Thank you
possible foreplay!!! LOL i’m never sure where you are going but this one i really like. loved helena erupting at them w/both barrels. continue sue
AWWWWWWWW, B&T are so cute! Oh and……..Helena is one bad ass biatch!
T…I totally get this chapter…I can actually see this happening…and yes this is verbal foreplay. I am sorry this story is coming to an end, it has been awesome to read and comment on. I hope this has a very happy ending with everyone happy and healthy. I hope you continue with another captivating story.-a loyal fan
I just catch up. Damn this is amazing and love it. They need to tell each other they love each other very much and never want to be apart again, and its time for them to live together again as a family, and good they holding when they sleep. Like the way Helena yell at them and funny she say about “Lord love a duck”. Ok post soon please, thanks!
wow TM this chapter was really good!! i think they are in the right direction..need more communication though but they have lots of potencial to resolve their issues and get toguether they just need to believe more that its possible to be a happy family ;) Yoda like always knowing how to read B&T lol no wonder she is yoda :p and Helena was funny..she just acted like Peggy there. Your writing is awesome..really amazing..cant wait for your next chapter :D
the expression is “Lord love a duck.” Helena was great in this and oh so right. I think if they had continued to talk they would have seriously hurt each others feelings. Helena was right in shutting them up and saying what she did. I STILL LOVE IT. Thanks.
Oh i just loved this one..i love the humour…(It was humour wasnt it?..lol)So there moving very slowly in the perfect direction…thanks..really enjoyed this one too!
merlin…loved the chapter..I think that was a much needed fight for the girls..think there will probably be more. Thanks for the great chapter.
Yeah – the British are coming! Good for you Helena – it had to be said. Loved the dialogue. Excellent!
This chapter was freaking awesome. I think some things do need to be said between B&T, but Shane is also right they are just scared. Helena’s speech cracked me up. I don’t know why you were worried about this chapter, it was great. I hope you don’t end this soon, there are so many possiblities ahead (all with B&T together of course :)). Thanks Merlin.
WOW!!!! That was nuts. But you write so well. That it just fit. Thank you
Considering all that they have gone through both physically and mentally in such a short period of time, I think that it is VERY understandable that they would get “Brain Fog” or just hit an emotional wall, thus act crazy. Now what will be intersting is what they do when they wake up after having gotten some rest. I expect that they would have moved closer in their and wake up facing each other and all cuddled up together (old habits are hard to break). Please continue :o)
Oh Tmerlin you have such a rye sense of humor. What’s left to talk about but the little stuff when you have already decided the big stuff with the broad strokes the two of them have already painted. The tiredness and release of nervous energy would lead to such a trivial conversation. I love Helena. Spot on I think is the saying. Thanks so much for your telling if I haven’t already told you. I love your story and where you have gone with it.
that was great
You hit the nail on the head with this one. They want each other so badly they can’t stand themself. They could have talk all night if it had been for Helena, Not my Dear show us what a good writer, you are a clean up their mess for them. I havr faith in you and your writing Go for it thanks
That was a perfect chapter for what they are going thru…you’ve been somewhere close haven’t you…Very insightful, I can’t really see anywhere soon that you could stop this story I’m sad to say….(not really), so you’ll just have to keep plugging alone and I’ll keep reading….oh, thankyou!!!
Love your story and this chapter! Thanks for sharing it.