“What?” Tina looks at Bette.


“I can’t lose you again. If we go through all of this and it doesn’t work out…”


“Bette,” Tina starts toward her. Bette takes a step back. Tina stops. She takes a deep breath. “Do you love me, Bette?”


“You know that I do. I love you. But what if that isn’t enough? It wasn’t enough before, and I lost you.” Bette’s eyes begin to water. ” If we try again and fail…”


“Bette, would you rather we not try at all and miss out on the opportunity to be together?” Tina was beginning to worry that she would not be able to get through to her.


“If there is a chance for us, shouldn’t we try to take it?” Tina inches towards Bette. “I love you baby. Look at me.” Tina is pleading. “I fucked up. I shut you out. But I’m here now. I don’t want a life that doesn’t include you.” She moves to within inches of Bette. “There is no one for me but you. I’ve been acting like an idiot. I’m sorry. I did a lot of hurtful things. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking, I guess. But I am now. My head is clear and I am here. We are here. Please, Bette. I don’t want to do anything else to hurt you. I have a lot to make up for, and we have a lot to talk about. Please, baby, don’t give up on us now.”


Bette looks into Tina’s eyes. She sees the love in Tina’s pleading. Bette closes her eyes. “I’m scared, Tina.”


“I know, baby, and I understand. We can go at your pace. Just tell me that you’ll give it a chance.” Tina’s eyes began to water. “I love you.”


Bette walks across the room and stops. She takes several breaths. The silence is killing Tina. Turning around, Bette smiles slightly. “Okay, I’m willing to try to work this out. How do we start?”


Tina exhales. “How about we eat some dinner and then we’ll talk. Okay?”


“Okay.”

——

Bette emerges from the bathroom in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Tina is sitting at the desk, looking at the pictures spread out before her. Bette walks over and looks down.


“Where did you find those?” Bette asks.


“I think that you were holding them right before I found you. They were beside the bed.” Tina touches the ultrasound image. “I didn’t know that you had this with you.”


“I feel like he is with me. I think about him all of the time.” Bette picks up the picture of their son and sits down on the bed. “I think about what he might look like, the things he would be doing.”


Tina moves to sit beside Bette. “I guess that I thought you put him out of your mind after we lost him. I never saw you cry or show much emotion after the miscarriage. I was hurt that he didn’t matter to you anymore.”


Bette looks at Tina incredulously. “He always mattered, Tina. Our family is all that matters to me. So much was going on back then…I just wanted to take care of you. I felt that if I stopped and let myself mourn him, I would fall apart. So I tried to focus on work, on you, on anything that would keep me going.”


“We never mourned him together. We just dealt with it in our own way, didn’t we?” Tina reached out and touched Bette’s hand.


“I guess we started going our separate ways after we lost him.” Bette stands up and walks to the window. “Did you really think that he didn’t matter to me? That losing him didn’t affect me?”


“Bette, I obviously was wrong. I resented the fact that you could just go on as if he never existed. But he obviously meant a lot to you if you still carry him with you.” Tina stands. “I never knew how close you were to falling apart. You seemed to be holding it together.”


“By a thread, Tina. My world was crumbling around me. We spent so much time working to get pregnant. Finding a donor, the discussions, the preparations. After all we went through, to lose him…” Bette gently touched the window. “…and I wasn’t there when you found out…” Tears start down Bette’s face. “You were all alone, because I let that fucking job get in the way…”


“Bette…” tears begin to roll down Tina’s cheeks. “You didn’t know what would happen.”


“It doesn’t matter, Tina. I’ll never forgive myself for not being there when you found out. We should have been together.”


“I admit that I was angry and resentful about that for a long time. But I have let that go. I know that you never intentionally missed that appointment. Work took up a lot of your time and attention. You were under a lot of pressure.”


“Tina, nothing should have stood in the way of you and our child. Nothing was more important than you and him. But I didn’t act like it did I? I should have been there. For you, for him…” Bette dissolves into tears. “I should have been there. I am so sorry, T.” Bette’s body begins to shake as the emotion overtakes her. “I’m so sorry.”


Tina goes to Bette and puts her arms around her. “It’s okay, baby. Let it go. Let it out. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I thought you didn’t care about him.” Tina begins to cry as well.


They stand holding each other, comforting each other, finally mourning their son.