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Lost In Love Chap13
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Bette and Tina are sitting on the couch. Tina holds Bette, stroking her hair. “Are you okay, sweetie?
Bette sits up and rubs her eyes. “I’m working on it. How about you?”
“Me too.” Tina smiles at Bette. “I think we made it over the first hurdle.”
“Yeah? I guess so. But not the last one, for sure.”
Tina sits up and touches Bette on her thigh. “I’m glad that we could talk about him.”
“Me too.” Bette felt as she and Tina were talking for the first time in a very long time.
“Bette?”
“Yes?”
“Do you want to keep talking? I really don’t want to overwhelm you, or open too much stuff up.” Tina gently reaches for Bette’s hand.
Bette tilts her head and looks at Tina. “I’m okay. I know that there is a lot to talk about. I’m okay if you want to keep going.”
Tina stands up and walks across the room. She looks out the window. “I need to talk…about her.”
‘Her? Who was…ohhh, HER.’ Bette suddenly wanted a drink. That event, with HER, seemed like a lifetime ago. “Okay,” she exhaled. “What do you want to know?”
“Why, Bette? Why did you fuck her?” Tina tried to keep the emotion from creeping back into her voice.
Bette stood up and walked towards Tina. She was unsure how to have this conversation. “After the miscarriage, I felt so lost. I couldn’t figure out a way to connect with you; we started drifting apart. There was so much going on – Fae Buckley, the Provocations show. It was as if life was going in fast forward and I couldn’t keep up.”
Bette walks back to the couch and sits down. “You and I were going in two different directions. We shut each other out. I know that I should have been more patient and understanding with you. I was an idiot, Tina. You were grieving and I was trying to act all strong and supportive. I was neither. She came along and let me know that she was attracted to me. So I played the game. It was as if I was afraid to feel. If I got too close to you, I would implode. So I kept my distance from you as a stupid form of self-preservation, and fed into what she was giving me. She hit all the right buttons, and I responded. She was an escape from all of the pressure I was feeling. It was a chance to FEEL something. I felt trapped and she was an escape. Don’t get me wrong. I am TOTALLY to blame for what happened. I should have stopped it. I didn’t. I wish that I could take it all back. But I can’t. It was wrong, I was wrong. I know that I hurt you so deeply, and I am so sorry.”
Tina turns from the window and looks at Bette. “When did it start?”
Bette clasps her hands together and rests her head on them. She looks up at Tina. “When you went to Dinah Shore, we kissed. We didn’t actually have sex until a few days before the Provocations show.”
Tina looks curiously at Bette. “Actually?”
Bette sighs. “We talked dirty to each other after we were arrested at the CAC. In jail.”
Tina starts to pace. “God Bette! What the fuck were you thinking? How could you do that to us?” She is starting to lose her temper.
“Tina, I WASN’T thinking. That was the problem. Nothing was making sense to me then. I was just reacting to whatever happened.”
“Reacting? Fucking her was REACTING?” Tina was nearly shouting.
Bette stood up and took a step towards Tina. “Tina…”
“How the FUCK do you just have a fling with a woman right after we lose our son? How could you?” Tina tried to hold back tears.
“Tina…” Bette stepped towards her. She reaches out gingerly to Tina, who pulls away.
“Don’t, Bette…” Tina takes a step back. “Don’t”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” Bette closes the distance between them. “I’m sorry. Tina, please.” She reaches out for Tina.
Tina tries to pull away. “Don’t! How could you?” Tears flow down Tina’s face. Bette tightens her grip on Tina’s arm. She tries to pull Tina into an embrace, but Tina is fighting it. “Don’t Bette…”
Tina tries to push Bette away. Bette stands her ground. “I’m sorry, Tina.” She pulls Tina closer.
“How could you? You gave yourself to her. You gave us away. We didn’t matter enough to stop? I didn’t matter?” Tina was crying. Bette closes her arms around her. “How could you do that to us? How could you do that to me? How could you?”
Bette just held Tina and repeated. “I am so sorry.”
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It always goes back to the affair w/Candace. There’s no way that Bette can make it better. She just has to forgive Bette of the unforgiveable. PPS.
i agree, no matter what happened after, candace affair is always there and nothing bette can do to change it…i can see hwo hurt tina can be but she has to let it go as i’m sure bette would have to let go her hurt about tina and men
I know how difficult it is to forgive someone for the ultimate betrayal but she just has to get over it. Their love should surmount any thing in the past and it is in the past.
i know they must have this conversation so they can let it go, but i really hope Tina could just stop punishing Bette for that affair. good update.
There is no undoing what Bette did, no matter how terrible it was, and if Tina really wants to be with her, that’s something she either has to learn to live with… or learn to live without Bette.
I don’t know if I could forgive someone for an affair. But Tina has to if she wants to work it all out with Bette.
Why couldn’t this have been the way it worked on the actual show….please post soon
I love your story – don`t get me wrong, but am I the only one who believes that Tina “should get a life”. Tina just can´t seem to get over that stupid affair – wrong as it was – it´s history. She needs to take a good long hard look in her own mirror.
The loss of their son set so much pain and hurt into action. It seems all the troubles really began when their baby was unable to survive. Everything just snow balled into what we see today. Now if they can only put all that in the past and begin to work towards being friends and then lovers again.
Yeah they cleared the first hurdle but fell over the 2nd. I can feel Tina’s pain…I really can, but if her and Bette are to have a future together then she will have to totally forgive her…this can’t be a halfsy. I have major trust issues myself and I don’t think that I could do it without losing my mind like Tina did…but we can never say what we would do until put in that situation. I think because all this time has passed and they never really talked about it then Tina’s imagination of what happened and what ACTUALLY happened are totally different. In her mind it seemed like this intense love affair when in reality it was a laspe of judgement and escape for Bette. There was no wining & dining or meaningful conversations between Candace Bette but Tina’s mind is running a mile a minute…and that is what is driving her crazy…she saw that intimate touch between the 2 of them but to them it was flirting. I know what Bette did was so wrong but they can come back from this.
I think it’s time for Tina to let it go and I hope the next chapter it gets better for both of them. Both just need to continue to communicate and hold each other. Love conquers all! Thanks for the great chapter! :-)
It always come back to Bette affair, Yet Tina had pull away from Bette. and it was just a Booty call and a stress release for Bette. To feel again that was it. Bette was wrong,but so was Tina thanks
YES BETTE is truly sorry and T is truly still hurtin’…pps
Tina wants to talk about the hard stuff and always brings up Candace. Bette apologizes and Tina still can’t handle it. I wonder how she will react when they talk about Helena, daddyof2, her secret trip to Canade and Josh and her sex with Henry in there house and bed. What will Tina’s reasoning be for pushing Bette way after she had Angelica, what will her excuse be for not telling Bette she was pregnant? How does she think Bette will react? And can she handle her outrage. Not only that, what about keeping Angelica away and threatening to keep her away from Bette. Sorry for the rant, I just hope Tina will be as understanding as she expects Bette to be and I hope Bette doesn’t cave and explain away all of Tina’s actions becuse of her affair, which she apoligized for numerous times.
WOW!!! Great Chapter. I so agree with Biased. Thank you PPS
i agree w/ skycaptain and biased. like i said we, i mean they have a lot of processing to do! mindbender, u r the BOMB! thank u!
Tina says she wants to start over with Bette, for them to be a couple again, a family, well she needs to let go of the past. Bette made a mistake, granted it was a big one, but hey Tina wasn’t exactly innocent in that department either. These two need to move on, together and let go of the dead weight thats holding them down.
Definitely up to par MB! Excellent! What else can Bette say except that she is sorry…and what else can Tina say to Bette except that she is sorry too. The next step is for them to totally forgive each other and move forward to forever, together. Excellent MB. More please!
Yeah the affair with Candace is always there. We all know that Bette cheat on Tina and Candace is a only woman that Bette with (oh I forget a girl Bette have sex in NY) thats all, but what about Tina? she with Helena, daddyof2, Josh and Henry and not to mention that she have sex with Henry in her and Bettes bedroom and in thier house how could she do that to Bette and made her pay since Provocations and now took Angel away from her, that just to much for Bette to take and its killing her, poor Bette. Anyway let them talk and work thing out hopefully. Ok post soon please, thanks!
Hey Mindbender – I’ve just been catching up on this drama packed story. I’m glad they’re talking and gettting throught this together…..and thank God for Peggy Peabody :o))
I think Tina is allowing her double standards to surface!! Didn’t she “cheat” on Bette with Daddyof2, Josh and Henry! And hasn’t Bette being paying ever since Provocations!
Tina is claiming that she is ready to be with Bette again but she won’t stop punishing her for her fling with Candace. Letting go of that much anger is hard but damn, Tina fucked Helena AND Henry to get back at Bette. She also humiliated her by doing it very publicly. She also fucked Henry in their bed…….I think the score is even and they need to make a pact to never mention it again!