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Abyss 12
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Hi. How are you? I am doing ok. Well no that’s not exactly true. I am exhausted. Bette and I just got in from our latest therapy session. Let me tell you; it was draining. Today’s session focused on our sex life or lack there of. I mean we have been in a sex drought for so long that I don’t know what to do. Dr. Laurel suggested that we start dating again and spending time with each other outside of the work situation especially now that we are improving our communication and talking in a more open way. Let me just say this, things are different between Bette and myself since we have started therapy.
It’s like I am getting to know her all over again. She is not the short fuse Bette that I remember from the beginning of our relationship. She’s actually quite sweet and simply wonderful. She’s considerate in a way that she hasn’t been before. She brings home my favorite food without me asking. She has also brought home my favorite flower just because. She’s sent me I Love You and Just Because greeting cards in the mail. Sometimes I look at her and I say who is this woman? The cool thing is that she has all of the qualities that I have always loved about her, but she has these additional characteristics that I never even knew I wanted in a partner. It’s like she’s the same Bette, only better. I don’t know it’s hard to explain. All that in addition to the fact that she is simply beautiful makes her hard to resist.
Why are we still not having sex, you say? You know, it’s beyond me. I think it’s me though. She has been doing everything right and the thing is that it seems effortless and genuine. But, there is still something in me that won’t let me completely open myself up to her. I can’t say what it is. I just don’t know.
Do I think it has to do with my affair? You know, I don’t know; maybe. I mean the thing about the affair is like I told you before I really don’t think about it much. I guess I feel guilty about it. I really don’t know what I feel. I still don’t believe that telling her will get me anywhere or help our relationship in anyway. You think honesty is the best policy, do you? Well, in this case I don’t agree. Honesty will get me single and I don’t want that. Bette will not stay with me if she knows that I have cheated. I mean she still has her pride and quite frankly she can have any woman she wants. And if believing that I am faithful keeps her wanting me then so be it.
Really, I think you are making too much of my infidelity. I mean the thing is that sex and love are two different things. I, quite simply, love Bette. That is an undisputable fact. My affair was just sex. I needed to release so I did. No more, no less. Listen, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I told you what I think, let’s leave it at that.
The one thing that has been cemented in my mind (which my heart already knew) from all of this therapy is that I cannot and I will not lose Bette Porter. I am determined to make this right. The incredible amount of love, commitment and patience has made me love her that much more. There is quite simply no other person for me.
The hard part is that we have been going to therapy for a while now, but I still feel numb. Numb to Bette; shit, in reality I am numb to life. I am not in touch with my own feelings about anything. I mean I know that I love Bette and that I need to be with her, but it’s like I am not emotionally available to make that happen. The only emotions I seem to really feel and feel often are anger and frustration. I just cannot shake it. No matter how many sessions we have or how sweet Bette is.
You know what? I gotta run. Thanks for listening to me go on and on. I really appreciate it. It just came to me; I know what I need to do now. Thanks again; thank you so much because I don’t think I would have figured this out if I had not been talking to you about this. I have to go, I need to find Bette right away. See ya.
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It’s so nice that Tina is feeling like Bette is thinking about her now..because obviously Bette never gave a thought to her the whole time they have been together, didn’t do a single thing for her..just only everything she could humanly do, and just want a loving faithful contributing partner in return…which she hasn’t got, but hey, Bette, never mind all that, tina liked the flower! Has it ever for one second occurred to our lady of perpetual selfishness that it is NOT all about HER..that maybe SHE might lift a finger or open her heart a little??
You know… if Tina’s so numb, she won’t feel a thing when Bette leaves her once news of her affairs break, will she? Girl sounds like she doesn’t know what she wants, to be honest. Even though I kinda sorta *really* don’t like Tina here, I still wanna see what she does next [*rolls eyes*], so… keep ’em comin’.
Man you guys are so tough on Tina. She is only human.
SW&&t is going to hit the fan. She doesnt want to lose Bette so she has better change her way of living. Bette will see a little twister and have a fling her self thanks
Im tryin to tolerate this tina, like I did in s3!, but she gettin on my nerves!. They need to break off, While Tina can sort the confusion out, or whatever she goin thru
I’m not trying to be tough on her; I’m just reacting to what Tina’s presenting — full frontal humanity.
everybody is human, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have to take responsibility or consequences of their choices.. and neither of which tina is doing.
jp – I love the phrase full frontal humanity. That is quite clever. May I borrow it? smile. Hey I am glad that all of you are following along here. I love the feedback.
i know this is a story and these are only characters, but Tina getting on my nerves because she doesn’t seem to be able or willing to assert herself and say what the hell she wants…..yeah she is human and so is bette, which means she has feelings also…so why does it seem that Tina is so willing to share her feelings to another and even her bed with a person outside of her relationship…..if she loves bette so much!!
So it seems that our little Tina has had an epiphany. She now knows how to resolve this situation w/o revealing her two (or more) indiscretions. She must be a female Houdini, right? Your story is so interesting and engaging. I look forward to it everyday.
Tina,Tina, Tina, What am I going to do with you? What is going with her and who is she talking to? She had better be careful that Bette does not find out that she has been sharing their therapy sessions with anyone.
Tina is gonna go find Bette and Bette is on the other side of that door, she accidently overheard that conversation while she was bringing Tina some hot tea (cause she’s loving like that). Just when Tina realizes she loves Bette and how wonderful Bette is it’s too late…she should have been honest.
ok tina… get off the phone and talk to bette… i still can’t wait to find out who she was talking to… it can’t be alice… the world would have known she had tina… maybe shane… she would never tell… the question is will you tell us…please continue
See, if Tina was trying then it would be easier to understand her. But since it seems that Bette is the only one trying, it’s hard to like Tina. Maybe Tina has been talking to Helena? Alice wouldn’t make sense as, someone mentioned before, the whole world would know.
i wonder who tina’s talking too? and did she figure out why she is numb? i hope she did? tina needs to make some efforts too if she doesn’t want to lose bette
The therapy is working and it seem to me that Bette is doing a great job and Tina knows it, now she needs to start show Bette that she loves her too.