As Sure As The Sun PT 15

CH 45

I need some air, if I’m going to live through………
This experience reminds me of a clock…
That just won’t tick……

Her kisses are too sweet, her touch it’s too soft. I want this over so badly, I just want her to fuck me and get out of here. But she won’t, she wants the moment to last. Everything about Carmen has been one moment to the next. And I live for it I always have. It’s seems to me lately the more we are apart…it seems… I don’t even want to say it. I am afraid……… Alright, I don’t normally think about being old, or being happy but I guess I want these things with her. I want those sun lit mornings and coffee and cake, I want that warm feeling of her draped on me. I want those lips, those eyes on me. I want those moments those first moments when everything was at its best. We had just met; she had that skirt on, me I was the ultimate bad ass. I had my buddy Mark I had my life, she had her life. that first night. I just want ….stop it. Stop being such a wuss……

“Is this not doing it for you….?”

‘No Carm……..it’s not that….”

“Then what?”

“You should go…get back to Jeff…”

She looks at me serious, her eyes dark pools, a void of light. Her body never lost to how fucking beautiful, how gifted and funny, and mean and everything….

‘Carmen……it’s just too hard to be with and without you….my mind…I can’t make up my mind which is better….or worse…no…I just don’t wanna get too wrapped up in this moment and have it fuck things up worse, you know?”

“You are right…”

“Really?”

“Yeah ….”

“Wait….. No….jealous tantrums….no angry passing words…?”

“Nah…I know it’s you and me….being away from you…it’s kinda helped me clear my head a little. The sooner we are done…the better off we will be.”

“You know something, I love you so fucking much… remember, not death, not no fucking shitty job….nothing will keep us from getting our happy ending, we earned it…..”