(Bette comes home that evening. She walks into the house and closes the door. Tina is perched on the sofa, adorning it with her long legs, reading a book. She glances casually at Bette and then back to the book. Tina is ready to bop her one. Bette starts walking towards her and sits on the chair opposite the couch.)

BETTE- “Hey.”

TINA- (As she turns a page and doesn’t look up…) “Hey.”

BETTE- (She smirks…) “You’re pissed, aren’t you?”

TINA- “In a word.”

BETTE- “I don’t understand why you’re not as upset as I am with Helena. I’m mean really T, you think that was right? She puts the moves on MY student and doesn’t even…”

TINA- (Putting down the book…and sounding more pissed with each phrase…) “WHAT? Doesn’t what? Seek your permission?” (She sits up.) “First of all, it didn’t happen like that…she didn’t ‘put the moves on her’…I think we know Helena better than that to assume such a thing in any case. Secondly, obviously she tried getting in touch with you, so don’t be so overly offended.” (She stands and starts walking as Bette follows her.) “Thirdly…” (She a lot more pissed than when she first started talking…) “…ugh…” (They’ve reached their bedroom door threshold and Tina walks in, gets something, and returns to face a slightly frozen Bette…)

BETTE- “Thirdly?”

TINA- “Where do you think YOU’RE going?”

BETTE- “What do you mean? I’m trying to discuss this with you.”

TINA- “No, you stopped ‘discussing’ this when you decided to take leave of your senses, disrespect both Helena and I, and barge into the office demanding a full accounting and report to Dean Porter! I really enjoyed your ‘lecture’ Professor. Perhaps you can tell it to your pillow…” (which she shoves in Bette’s face…) “…when you’re sleeping on the couch tonight!” (She turns and slams the door.)

BETTE- (She sighs and issues half vowel sounds in indignation…) “Couch! I…I’m not sleeping on the couch! This is ridiculous….” (She tries to open the door…but it’s locked.) “Tina…This is crazy….I…I will not sleep on the couch! I…I don’t believe this! Sleep on the couch! Who does she think she is? You’d think I went and put the moves on Gerri myself or something! Geezus….I’ll be damned if I have to sleep on the couch! (She tries to open the door again…) “Tina! Open this door! Pleaaaaaase! Ugh! Couch?! I don’t think so!” (She grasps her pillow…and yells to the door…) “We have a guest room you know!”

(Bette mumbles annoyed utterings as she takes her fluffy companion for the evening to the guestroom. She walks in, still talking to herself…outraged…and sits on the bed. She grabs her forehead… ‘unbelievable!’ She leaves the pillow by itself and walks into the kitchen. She tries to put some food together. It was already late but she hadn’t had dinner, so she continued her mutterings as she made a light snack and pulled out a bottle of wine and glass, drinking from it in between huffs and puffs. She tried to wait her out initially…but no sign of Mrs. Kennard…Bette gives up and heads to the guest bedroom to join her pillow. At about 11:30 pm or so, she hears the front door open and close, then some noise in the kitchen and then she sees Angelica pass her doorway and return to it…Angie noticed the light on in the guest bedroom and as far as she knew they didn’t have guests.)

ANGELICA- (She stops at the threshold. Bette is reading a book. Angelica doesn’t know what to say…she’s actually not ever seen Bette exiled to the guest room or the couch…such things pre-dated her birth.) “Mom?”

BETTE- “Yes dear.”

ANGELA- (Her mouth is agape…) “Are you serious?”

BETTE- “Some people, who shall remain nameless, are just irrational. There’s nothing we can do about it Angelica. Just have to bear it I guess.”

ANGELICA- (She chuckles…) “Holy cow…you’re in the dog house?! Frig, you must be in deep doo doo mamma B! What happened?!” (She goes and sits on the bed at Bette’s side.)

BETTE- “Your mother is punishing me for being principled.”

ANGELICA- “Oh…I see…you were being stubborn about something?”

BETTE- “Angelica! I said ‘principled’. She’s being totally unreasonable.”

ANGELICA- “Like the time you wanted to fire the professor who didn’t want the nude paintings in her classroom and mom wouldn’t talk to you for two days?”

BETTE- “THAT was about freedom of speech Angie.”

ANGELICA- (Smiling…) “Yours or the artist’s?”

BETTE- “I’m not talking about that…”

ANGELICA- “As I recall, you were persuaded to keep her on and she became assistant dean and nominated you for your teaching award last year…”

BETTE- “That’s not the point.”

ANGELICA- “Mhm…so mamma, what did you do to land lonely duty here in the guestroom? It’s gotta be big!”

BETTE- “I can’t discuss it.”

ANGELICA- “Oh come on! Please…”

BETTE- “What’s going on between you and Steve, by the way?”

ANGELICA- “Nuh uh…no way professor B…I ain’t going there!”

BETTE- “Hey!”

ANGELICA- “I think I better go check on the blonde bombshell mother in the master bedroom!”

BETTE- “Oh sure…abandon me…”

ANGELICA- “Sweet dreams Mamma B! I go where the information is!” (She kisses her on the cheek and leaves. Bette instinctively smiles and tries to hide it. Angie walks over to the ominous master bedroom and knocks… ‘It’s me mom. And the other Porter ain’t with me!’ (Slowly, the door opens. Tina looks at her and lets her in, closing the door.)

TINA- (She kisses her…) “Hey sweetie.”

ANGELICA- “Ok, what’s the deal…she won’t tell me.”

TINA- “I can’t tell you either. It’s kind of confidential.”

ANGELICA- “Oh…intimacy issues?”

TINA- “Angelica!”

ANGELICA- “What? What’s so secret then?”

TINA- “I can’t go into it. Anyway, what’s up with you?”

ANGELICA- “Mom! Mamma B is, for the first time ever, exiled to the guest room and you don’t want to talk about it? No way…give me a hint at least!…”

TINA- “It’s not the first time ever actually.” (Angelica sits with her on the bed.) “Well, it was before your time.”

ANGELICA- (She yawns…) “Oh yeah, Provocations?”

TINA- “Excuse me?”

ANGELICA- “I know about the whole sordid tale…remember?”

TINA- “Oh yeah, that’s right. But remind me to bop Alice over the head for filling in the blanks for you.”

ANGELICA- “No, actually Mamma B told me about that one.”

TINA- “She’s just impossible sometimes. Gawd, that woman!”

ANGELICA- “Come on, tell me what happened.”

TINA- “It’s a little complicated. Work related, so I can’t go into it.”

ANGELICA- “Ok. I’m going to get something from the kitchen and then I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” (She kisses her and as she walks towards the door…) “Mom…don’t make her suffer too much ok?”

TINA- (She smiles…) “Goodnight my sweet.” (Angelica leaves. She gets a glass of wine and heads out to the pool. She sits on a chair opposite the door and faces the pool. She enjoys the quiet for a while. After a bit, she hears someone whispering to her from the pathway to the pool from the front yard.)

ANGELICA- “Oh, hey Auntie Helena…what are you doing here? It’s past midnight.”

HELENA- “I came to the front, hoping the ladies were home, but all the lights are out so I figured I’d check back here. I know they like it out here. I actually thought you were her when I saw you lying there with the glass of wine.”

ANGELICA- “Her?”

HELENA- “The other Porter. Between you and me I’m glad it was you instead of her. I came to talk to her but wasn’t looking forward to it.”

ANGELICA- “Sounds serious…you know she’s sleeping in the guest room.”

HELENA- “WHAT? Oh no…how awful. Oh my…Bette hasn’t been out of the hallowed master bedroom since…well, since…”

ANGELICA- “Yeah, I know…the night before provocations.”

HELENA- “OH…Alice covered that base too eh?”

ANGELICA- “And so many others!” (They both chuckle.) “So what’s going on? They won’t tell me.”

HELENA- “Ya, well…I can’t really go into it with you either. Anyway, mind if I join you for a bit?”

ANGELICA- “Not at all. Have a seat.” (Helena sits in the chair, close, next to her.)

HELENA- “Life gets so complicated Angie. And it really surprises you sometimes. Just when you’ve seen everything and thought you’d handled most everything, out comes another new experience to rattle things up a bit.”

ANGELICA- “Keeps things interesting I guess.”

HELENA- “You seemed to be getting on well with that Stephen fellow.”

ANGELICA- (She smiles.) “Yeah, he’s really nice.”

HELENA- “Well, take it slow. I think you might remind him of his first love…”

ANGELICA- “Really? Who? Did you know her?”

HELENA- “Well, he sort of had a bit of a crush on the elder Professor Porter you see…”

ANGELICA- “Oh GAwwwwwd.” (Helena chuckles…)

HELENA- “Poor thing…he wouldn’t stop talking about her…”

ANGELICA- “Well, I think it was just a run of the mill kind of thing they all seem to get with her.”

HELENA- “Angelica…”

ANGELICA- “Yes?”

HELENA- “Do you find me attractive? I mean, do you think…as a woman…if you were you know…gay…would you find me attractive? Or would you be totally turned off due to my age?”

ANGELICA- “Do I find you attractive? Hmmm…”

BETTE- (Having heard only the last few words…) “WHAT are you doing!” (Helena, startled, almost falls off the chair…) “Helena…you know, I think you’re pushing it JUST A LITTLE!”

ANGELICA- “MOM!”

HELENA- “Bette, take it easy.”

ANGELICA- (Chuckling…) “Mom…honestly, it’s not as weird as you think…and, for the record, YES…Aunt Helena, I think you’re hot!”

TINA- (Coming upon the discussion belatedly…) “Excuse me!”

BETTE- “Oh, now she’s concerned all of a sudden!”

TINA- “Pipe up Porter.”

HELENA- “Ladies please!”

ANGELICA- “Mother! Mamma! Take it easy. We were just talking…hypothetically…relax!” (B&T take it down a notch as they look at Helena’s stunned face and Angelica’s calm one…) “Really ladies…I don’t know what’s going on but you really gotta breathe or something…it’s all ok…all good. No strange love affairs going on, at least not in MY life…I think I’ll just excuse myself and have my drink in my room. Ok ladies…goodnight.” (They all reciprocate and off she goes.)

HELENA- “I was just trying to get her insight…that’s all. I’m as confused about this new relationship as much as anyone. She’s my friend and she’s always been supportive to talk to…unlike SOME people I know. Goodness gracious people, you’d think I fell out of West Hollywood and fell into a republican enclave or something…what is wrong with you two anyway? Why is Porter here banned from the passion mill?” (Bette and Tina look at one another briefly and then at Helena…) “Oh Tina…it’s alright…Bette’s just freaked out…it’s her student after all…”

BETTE- (Like she won an argument…) “THANK you!”

HELENA- “Not so fast Professor…you know I could use your support you Ivy League snoot. Instead you treat me like a fiend, a villain, a nutball…I’m not crackers, I’ve just had my heart touched when I thought it couldn’t be and it’s thrown me for a loop. I didn’t devour an under-aged pupil…she has feelings for me and she’s in her twenties and except for the fact that I met her here….it has nothing to do with you….and still I did try to reach out to you…”

BETTE- (Raising her hand to stop the complaining…) “Oh chill already.” (She moves over to one of the chairs and sits.) “I ain’t getting any warm fuzzies tonight anyway, so you may as well join me out here. The mistress of pain over there is punishing me. If you’ll excuse us Tina, Helena and I are going to have a little chat.”

TINA- “Goodnight Helena. If she hits you or starts verbally abusing you, I’ll be in the ‘passion mill’. Ahem…”

BETTE- “Passion mill? Without me there? I’d say it’s a…” (Tina gives her a death look…) “Well, whatever…goodnight.” (Tina leaves.) “What the hec is wrong with you Peabody? Asking my daughter if she finds you attractive…honestly!”

HELENA- “I would never…”

BETTE- “I KNOW Helena…I’m not stupid, but my point is that it’s kind of sad for me to hear you ask Angie, or anybody for that matter, whether you’re attractive. You know you’re ‘hot’, as she put it. You always have been. Seems this young woman has really thrown you for a loop.”

HELENA- “Indeed.”

(Tina walks into Angelica’s room.)

TINA- “Soooo…seducing our friends now eh?”

ANGELICA- “What is up with Mamma B anyway?”

TINA- (Sitting on the bed next to her…) “I don’t know…age I guess. Your mother is very anal about ethics and boundaries and duties…to those she loves, to those she teaches…it’s her sense of professionalism. Maybe she’s also a little thrown…after all Gerri…”

ANGELICA- “GERRI? This is about Gerri?!”

TINA- “Oh no…Angie…it’s confidential…please don’t say a word…”

ANGELICA- “I won’t…but geeez…Gerri?”

TINA- “Yeah why?”

ANGELICA- “I don’t know…she’s …well she’s so sweet. And she couldn’t stop talking about mom at the party on Friday.”

TINA- “Yeah, until the party moved on and she started to get to know Helena. I think Gerri knew early on that her feelings were all one-sided with Bette. It’s hard…to feel like you have feelings for someone and not be able to share it. It’s really painful sometimes. But she’s not stupid…she knew Bette could never be anything but a mentor to her. I suspect deep down she also knew that Bette also meant a lot to her in general and since she hasn’t had a relationship yet, the connection to Bette, who has been such a positive influence in her life, was overwhelming and the lines blurred. Anyway, Helena struck a chord but I guess Gerri touched something in Helena too. Soooo Angelica my dear…you think I’M hot for an old braud?”

ANGELICA- “Yes mother. And so is Professor Porter.”

TINA- “Whatever.” (Angelica chuckles.)


(Bette’s trying to explain the facts of life to Helena…)

BETTE- “But Helena…think about it…it IS like you and Angelica got together.”

HELENA- “Ewww…she’s like my niece Bette!”

BETTE- “That’s not what I mean…I’m referring to the age thing. Look, you’ve hung out with Angie a lot. Think of her mentality, her life experience, her future…I’m sure Gerri is similar. Would you want some old lady coming along and putting the moves on Angelica?”

HELENA- “I’d have to have her thoroughly investigated first and I’d be very skeptical, to be sure.”

BETTE- “Exactly.”

HELENA- “But…”

BETTE- “What?”

HELENA- “It feels…well, it feels right somehow.”

BETTE- “Have you any idea how inexperienced she is?”

HELENA- “Well yes. Oh Bette…that was the most amazing kiss.” (Bette’s head drops back onto the chair.) “No really…it was so sweet, so wonderful…pure…”

BETTE- “Downright virginal…”

HELENA- “Bette, really…what’s so problematic to you? We’re both very experienced women, surely this isn’t THAT odd to you. Did you tell me once, when we were both quite drunk a few years back, that you had your way with a very young woman in New York after you had first met me?”

BETTE- (Her head almost flies up…) “That’s different!”

HELENA- “How exactly? You can bang ‘em but not deal with them in a relationship?”

BETTE- “Helena! That was totally different and you know it.. That girl…young woman…was on the prowl. She was experienced…this is Gerri, my student…she’s a total neophyte. She hasn’t ever had a relationship.”

HELENA- “I know. And she thinks you’re the best thing ever!”

BETTE- (Smiling…) “Really?”

HELENA- “YEeeeeeees…reaaaaaally…My goodness, she goes on and on about you…how she’d be totally messed right now if it wasn’t for you. She likes Tina too, but you’re her beacon of light it seems.”

BETTE- “Really? Is that what she said?”

HELENA- “No you ditz… if she had called you her beacon of light I would’ve ran for the hills.”

BETTE- (She smiles…) “Oh you’re just jealous.”

HELENA- “Yes well, don’t get so overprotective…I promise I won’t break her. I more worried about my poor little heart. What if she has her way with me and then dumps me for a younger woman? You realize that’s far more likely, since I’ll be so bloody careful to not harm Porter’s protégé…I can see it all now…I’ll make a wordly woman of her and then she’ll drop me faster than you dropped the twink in NY the morning after.”

BETTE- “Hey…”

HELENA- “Oh relax.” (The two women talk for a while longer. Eventually, Helena leaves after Bette promises a round two later in the week. Bette goes back into the house and sees the passion mill’s door open. She stands at the doorway.)

TINA- (Reading her book still…) “Helena gone?”

BETTE- “Yes.”

TINA- “She ok?”

BETTE- “Yes. We’re going to talk again though. It’s complicated. She seems to have really fallen for her. It’s actually very serious.”

TINA- “I wonder whether you should actually be more protective of Helena. I think in a way she might be in just as sensitive a position emotionally if not more so than Gerri.”

BETTE- “Actually you might be right. Obviously you two had talked earlier. I got the same feeling somehow.” (She looks down the hallway and then back at Tina.) “T…I’m sorry…but it’s hard, you know? It’s sensitive…with work and everything. And Gerri is special. She’s come a long way and I…”

TINA- “I know…you don’t want her to get hurt.”

BETTE- “Look, I know I didn’t exactly go about it the right way. I just got very worried and Helena didn’t seem to be reigning herself in and…she seems like she’s being careful though…but…well…”

TINA- “Bette, don’t you think she deserves the benefit of the doubt?”

BETTE- “Yes, but this happened so quickly and Gerri’s my student and…I just found it a little shocking.”

TINA- “Well it is kind of bizarre, I have to admit.” (Bette looks away, down, out to the hallway…) “Bette…” (Bette looks up. Tina pats the surface of the bed next to her. Bette smiles and disappears quickly. Tina looks up and her eyebrows rise…) “Bette?” (Seconds later, the mocha beauty and her pillow are back in the ‘passion mill’ and Bette almost jumps into bed. Tina smiles as she continues to hold the book. Bette sits next to her like she’s a kid waiting for Christmas. Without taking her eyes off the pages of the book…) “Bette? A little restless are we?” (She turns the page. Bette puts her arms around Tina’s midsection and snuggles her head in between Tina’s jaw and shoulder. Tina chuckles.)

BETTE- “You’re hot when you’re angry.”

TINA- “Oh right…hot old lady I am!” (Bette holds her tight and then kisses her throat, descends her eager lips to Tina’s nape and ravishes it until the book falls off the bed followed by the bifocals and a little moan of pleasure signaling the end of Bette’s short lived exile. In her excitement, Bette brandishes her mate with a hickey.) “Ooooh Bette…I…”

BETTE- “What my love?”

TINA- “I think I get hot when I’m angry…I … I REALLY need you…” (Bette looks up at her and kisses her. She kisses her with little moist kisses…all over her face and then moves to her ear for a few moments to cause Tina’s entire head to feel a radiant warmth that spreads down the length of her fine frame. While negotiating the ear and its sensitive lobe, Bette’s right hand finds the monuments to womanly beauty on Tina’s upper self and taunts the tips of them with alternating touches and sensual pinches of rapture that summons all of the blonde’s sacred points to head the call of passion. Discovering that no undergarments exist to be defeated, Bette removes the nightgown, ripping two of its obstinate buttons and provoking a sigh of deep pleasure from the wearer, now grasping at Bette with some ferocity and pulling at her own garments. While both lie on their sides, She obliges quickly with a disrobement of quick skill and grasps the underside of the fair skinned thigh as she engages the lips of their owner with equal fervor. Tina embraces Bette and rolls on her back, pulling Bette over her…all over her, securing the anxious lover with both of her legs and, feeling the mocha endowments gesticulate with her own, she urges her vocally and otherwise to end the torture of an intense physical and emotional anticipation that has her entire body yearning for ecstasy’s pinnacle and passion’s relief. Her wish now Bette’s welcome command, the disciplined lover thrust with increasing intensity as she grasped the blonde locks and the face and gazed into the glossy orbs until control was lost entirely to the whims of a shared and simultaneous physical eruption.)