Shane was on her knees, rocking, arms wrapped tight around herself. She barely recognized the sounds coming from her own throat as human. Marina knelt beside her, took her in strong brown arms and began to rock with her, murmuring every word of comfort she could remember in her five languages, all having the same meaning … “it will be all right, little one, it will be all right”.

But it wouldn’t.

Not for any of them.

It would never be the same. They had all been marked, deep down, where the worst scars twist and turn, and everything good turns sour.

“Bette?” Shane finally asked in a raw, hoarse voice. “What did I do wrong?”

Bette felt that cold stab of despair grip her heart and covered her eyes with a shaking hand, willing the tears to flow backward, away from her lids, away from exposing her own sorrow and weakness. “You didn’t….” Her voice broke. “It wasn’t wrong, Shane. You followed your heart.”

“Never again!” Shane spat the words through clenched teeth, and wiped her tear-streaked face. “I’m not like you, Bette! I’m just not made for love. I’ll never have what you and Tina have!”

You wouldn’t want what we have, Bette thought, biting her lip to keep the words from spilling out.

If Marina noticed Bette’s hesitation, she didn’t show it. Instead, she helped Shane to her feet and headed her back toward the kitchen. “C’mon, Shane, I’ll make you a triple this time.”

“Thanks, Marina,“ Shane laughed thinly, “I could use a triple shot of something.”

“Then let me check the bar for some Kahlua to go with,” Marina smiled and walked her friend back into the house. “Coming, Bette?”

“In a minute.”

Shane’s undeserved admiration only added to Bette’s misery. It seemed like long-term couples always carried a heavier burden in the community, as if they were some beacon of light, hope, that others aspired to … most often those knowing the least about how well or poorly the relationship really was.

How long had she and Tina been in trouble? She didn’t know. It had been a long slow fade from passion to familiarity to some nebulous distance between them that neither could acknowledge or bridge.