Chapter 19


Angelica allowed the sentence to hang in the air without an initial reaction. She was certain she had heard it right. She was certain that it wasn’t a set-up for a joke, she looked at Bette and saw the sheer pain and emotion in her eyes to reinforce the impact of that sentence.

“So when someone approached me wanting more then a friendship, I cheated on Tina, with a woman named Candace.”

Angelica blinked, not sure how to respond, but feeling the anger inside of her growing. It was beginning to all make sense. She wasn’t the reason that her mothers were not together, it was that Bette had cheated and Tina walked away for self-preservation.

“Honey?” Tina said quietly to break into Angelica’s thoughts.

She blinked and turned to face Tina unsure of what she would see when she looked at her mother, what emotions would be playing out in her eyes. She felt a sense of sorrow for her mother, having been cheated on while being pregnant, and her instinct to defend Tina rose to the top.

“Angie,” Bette started to talk feeling a lump rising in her throat. She was afraid of Angelica’s reaction, but knew she needed to embrace the conversation and fully hold herself responsible for her actions.

“What?” Angelica’s voice was hardened, her eyes staring at the floor.

“I know you’re angry,” Bette said. “I understand why you’d be angry, I am just as angry with myself as you are with me.”

Angelica scoffed, her sarcasm showing through in her action, posture, and tone of voice.

“No you aren’t,” Angelica said in anger.

“Honey,” Tina said, but was quickly stopped by Bette speaking.

“Angie it isn’t easy for me to talk to you about this. I’ve spent years trying to make sure that you would be old enough to understand before this was approached,” Bette’s words rang with desperation.

“How am I supposed to understand?” Angelica said in a raised voice. “You claim to love Mom but then when things are tough you go to someone else? I think Mom deserves better then that!”

“Angie, that’s enough,” Tina said to ensure that the boundaries of what her and Bette set for the discussion were respected.

“I’m trying to accept responsibility for my actions Angie. Believe me I’ve paid.”

“As much as Mom has?” Angelica pushed harder.

“That’s enough Angie! I’ve forgiven Bette for that years ago and while you may feel you’re entitled to an explanation, you’ll still remember that we’re your parents and that demands a certain level of respect.”

“Respect?” Angelica asked in shock. “Isn’t that something that’s earned? I mean isn’t that what Mama B has always taught me?”

Tina sat with her mouth agape for a brief moment before taking control of the conversation.

“You’re on thin ice Angelica.”

“Nice comeback Mom.”

“Angie,” Bette’s voice was hardened now as her anger level began to rise. “I can understand you being angry but please let me explain.”

“I don’t think so,” Angelica said with tears in her eyes.

“That isn’t a choice.”

“Isn’t it Mom?” Angelica squared off against Tina. “You can forgive her all you want but I won’t!”

Angelica rose to her feet quickly as she ran down the hall and to her bedroom, ending her journey with a purposeful slam of the bedroom door.

“Well that went well,” Bette said sarcastically, letting her tears fall down her face.

Tina gathered her in her arms and rubbed her back as she tried to comfort her.

“She’ll come around.”

“Not in my lifetime.”

“She will Bette, trust me.”

“What I trust is my instinct, which screamed at me that this was exactly what was going to happen. I knew it would play out like this.”

“She just needs time,” Tina said sympathetically.

“What she needs I can’t give her, which is that it never happened in the first place.”

“I forgave you.”

“After you threw tables at me and punished me by flaunting Helena in my face all the time,” Bette said slightly in anger. “Not that I didn’t deserve that, but it took time and you weren’t Angie’s age.”

“No I wasn’t, but I was more then likely angrier then she is so there’s hope.”

Bette wiped her tears away as Tina continued to rub her back in support. Tina let Bette off the couch when her energy levels began to peak and she needed to pace to think. Tina recognized this behavior well, the controlling part of Bette’s personality coming through to overplay the emotional side and work out a solution to the issue at hand.

“What can I do?”

“Nothing,” Bette said sadly. “I need to talk to her and get her to understand that I know I was wrong and how sorry I am that it happened.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?”

“At this point I’ll take anyone talking to her as long as she listens.”

“Be careful, Alice may be lurking,” Tina said smiling to try to ease the tension in the room.

“I’m that desperate,” Bette said sadly.

“Let’s see what I can do,” Tina got up and lightly touched Bette’s arm as she passed her and made her way down the hallway to Angelica’s room.




Angelica, mirroring Bette’s actions, was pacing in her room angry at the revelation that was laid before her moments earlier. The knock at the door required no response. Angelica knew that whomever it was would feel free to walk in without an invitation.

Tina walked in and Angelica tried to hide her shock that Bette wasn’t close behind. Tina sat down on her bed and silently wished Angelica would join her. When she didn’t, Tina laid back on the bed and began to talk.

“Would I risk getting my head bit off to tell you that I understand how you feel?”

“I don’t know,” Angelica said as her answer. It wasn’t clever, but it was honest, and at least she felt better being honest with Tina.

“I forgave her.”

“I don’t.”

“Do you think it’s your place to decide on forgiveness for this mistake?” Tina asked in a simple tone. She wasn’t challenging, but she wanted to point out that it was between her and Bette, not Angelica and Bette. “I know you’re angry but she cheated on me, not you.”

“How could you forgive her?”

“I love her, and she’s made up for it time and time again. No matter how much you punish her it won’t be more then she’s punished herself.”

“It bothers me.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my mom and I don’t like when someone hurts you.”

“Bette isn’t the only cause of this though, you’ve forgotten that I contributed by shutting her out.”

“But you didn’t make her cheat.”

“No I didn’t,” Tina said quietly. She grabbed Angelica as she paced by her to stop her from moving and have her sit down next to her on the bed. “Angie there’s a lot of things in life that people regret. I regret having treated Bette badly back then and she regrets turning to someone else to get some comfort.”

“Yours isn’t that bad Mom.”

“It is when you look at it. I managed to break her resolve down to the point where we couldn’t function as a couple. She’s not innocent but neither am I.”

“Why do you stick up for her?”

“I love her and she’s a good woman that made her mistake right.”

“Did she date this woman?”

“Candace?” Tina asked, rhetorical in nature. “She did for a brief time.”

“Why didn’t she just date her and leave you alone then?”

“Because she loved me and knew she had made a huge mistake.”

“She should have just stayed away!”

“Angie,” Tina warned. “She shouldn’t have stayed away. The woman that is out in that living room is the same woman she was yesterday and has been the same woman that you’ve loved all along. She’s a big enough person to admit something she’s ashamed of to the most important person in her life and you need to understand how hard that is on her.”

“What about me?” Angelica asked as her tears began to flow down her face.

“I know it’s hard on you too,” Tina held her close. “She’s not used to making herself vulnerable to people, least of all someone that means so much to her. She loves you just as much as she did before you knew this information.”

“Why did you take her back?”

Tina thought briefly about her answer before telling Angelica the logic behind her decision. She knew that the discussion was far from over and she would be required to explain her decision to go back to Bette only to turn around and break her heart by dating Henry.

“Because in losing me I saw how broken Bette was and it showed me how much I meant to her. When you mean so much to someone, like she does to me, you tend to hold onto that and not the bad things. I was pregnant too and I wanted her to enjoy the pregnancy and help raise you like we had planned. She’s was broken Angie, I had never seen her that way and in building herself back up she turned into the Bette I love today.”

“So she changed?”

“She held onto what was important and changed, yes. Angie when you are older and you are hopefully blessed with a child if that’s what you want, you’ll find out quickly that motherhood changes everything. Once you’re a parent, your entire life changes. Your wants, your needs, your outlook on life, all of that changes the second this baby is placed in your arms and you know that you’ll have that child in your life forever. You never stop being a parent, you never stop wanting better for your child. You never stop teaching them life’s lessons so that they can avoid the landmines you’ve stepped in and avoid the pain you’ve had in life. Your entire life begins and ends with that child once they are in your life. Bette’s no exception to that, she changed drastically when you came into our lives and you became her focus.”

“I doubt that,” Angelica said in anger.

“If that weren’t true, she’d have a very different life. Bette is very careful who she lets into her life because she’s letting them into yours when she does that. The Bette I know would never stay up late at night worrying, and yet since this entire teasing bit at school, that woman has hardly slept because your pain is hers.”

Angie rolled her eyes causing Tina to shoot her a look that screamed ‘behave young lady’ causing her to smile slightly.

“Honey I know this isn’t easy for you and that you need some time to understand how you feel about what you’ve heard.”

“It is hard.”

“I’m sure you have other questions too that you want answered, but maybe they can wait until tomorrow when we’ve all rested and can look at things with fresh eyes.”

Tina brushed a small piece of hair out of Angelica’s eyes and smiled lovingly at her.

“I know it’s a bit earlier then normal but why don’t you try to get some sleep? You’ve had a long day and we can continue to talk tomorrow Honey.”

“I don’t want to stay here.”

“Well you’re here so you’re staying here.”

“I don’t want to be here without you!”

“OK Angie,” Tina said in a soothing voice. “I’ll stay here as well ok?”

“Fine,” Angelica said knowing that Tina was making her best offer out of the gate and she wouldn’t want a lesser alternative.


Tina walked out of Angelica’s bedroom after tucking her in and shutting the light out. She walked quietly back down the hallway, her stomach growling, indicating that she had missed dinner altogether. She wasn’t surprised that her nervous energy sustained her for most of the day. She took a deep breath while determining how to address what must be a very upset Bette. Tina walked into the living room and saw that Bette had moved to sit outside as she stared at the sun dunking behind the horizon for the night.

Tina quietly opened the sliding door and walked outside, shutting it behind her in the hopes that her and Bette would have some private time to talk about Angelica’s reaction. Bette’s eyes were red, her crying seemed to subside, yet the aftermath of the discussion was still ever present in her posture and sad expression.

“Is she ok?” Bette asked without averting her eyes from the sunset.

“She’ll be ok, she just needs time,” Tina sat down on Bette’s lounger near her feet to face her. “How are you?”

“Numb.”

“Well that’s an answer at least.”

“It’s an honest one.”

“One that leaves me little wiggle room to help you,” Tina pointed out.

“I’m not worried about me.”

“Well I am Bette, this too shall pass.”

“The scars remain Tina.”

“They’re our battle scars though and she needs to understand that. What happened is between us, not her and us.”

“I’m sure she never thought that I would be the cause of us not being together.”

“That’s because the woman you grew into would never do that again and she knows that woman, not the people we were.”

Tina began to rub Bette’s shins in an effort to offer her support and a closeness they both needed at that moment.

“She hates me.”

“She’s angry at what happened but ultimately, no she doesn’t hate you.”

“I hate me.”

“I love you,” Tina said candidly.

“She’s right, I don’t deserve you.”

“Oh,” Tina pushed Bette’s legs lovingly. “Stop it with that nonsense already.”

“It’s the truth. That’s why I haven’t addressed any of my feelings for you over the years. I always knew you deserved better.”

“You’re a good woman Bette and I won’t let you beat yourself up like you have a tendency to do. Neither one of us is perfect and you’re an amazing person to be able to admit your mistakes.”

“You didn’t think that back then,” Bette said sadly.

“Bette,” Tina took a deep breath to gather the courage to say what was on her mind. “I always promised myself that if you waited for me, I’d come for you eventually, no matter what. I have always held a place for you in my heart and I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t know the wonderful woman you are. We made it back to each other because you don’t find a love like ours everyday.”

Tina’s admission brought fresh tears to Bette’s eyes as Tina smiled at her lovingly.

“You know what my wish is?”

Bette just shook her head no as Tina continued.

“To see your smile and be with you, no matter where you are Babe.”

Bette smiled through tears once again.

“Should I talk to Angie?”

“She’s sleeping on it right now, there’s always tomorrow.”

Bette rubbed her eyes, dry from crying at the fact that she had caused her daughter pain.

“You look exhausted.”

“Then I look about how I feel.”

“Let’s get you inside, come on,” Tina got up and headed for the door, but was taken by surprise when Bette grabbed her arm and looked at her with tired eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Tina said smiling. No additional words were needed to convey Bette’s message.

Bette followed Tina inside to the couch and sat next to her looking sadly at the space in front of her.

“Still feeling numb?”

Bette just nodded.

“What are you thinking about right now?”

“That I’d give anything to feel something right now,” Bette said sadly.

Tina reached over and used her index finger under Bette’s chin to turn her head in her direction. She leaned over and gently brushed her lips against Bette’s. The action was simple, pure, not full of lust or longing, it was full of love and compassion.

Bette gently kissed Tina back, her arms moving to hold onto Tina’s arms as she deepened the kiss. Tina got up from the couch and held her hand out to help Bette to her feet and into her bedroom for privacy.

They walked hand in hand silently through the hallway and into the bedroom that was familiar to both of them from years of sharing it and the previous night’s activities. Tina pulled Bette inside and smiled at her as she locked the door to prevent unwanted eyes looking in on them.

Tina stood facing Bette and held onto her hips as she brushed her lips against Bette’s again, feeling the tension built up in Bette’s posture and soft lips. She deepened the kiss for a brief moment, allowing Bette to take comfort in allowing herself the ability to let go of her fears and embrace love.

Tina pulled back and smoothed Bette’s hair out of her face, a gesture she had just done to Angelica not that long ago.

“Lay down,” Tina said quietly and Bette willingly complied.

Tina followed her on the bed, easing her own body to cover half of Bette’s as she inserted her leg between Bette’s to gain a comfortable position. She looked into Bette’s eyes and smiled, her need to connect with Bette to take away the numbness was urgent.

Tina ran her fingers down Bette’s face as Bette tilted her head upward in Tina’s direction and closed her heavy eyes. When she tried to pull Tina’s hips closer into her, Tina just shook her head no and smiled.

“Let me take care of you Baby,” Tina said quietly.

Bette put her hands above her head as Tina began to kiss her neck, nipping lightly as Bette felt her fears being calmed and her focus revolved around Tina. She allowed her tears to spill silently over her cheeks as she let her emotions drive her needs.

Tina placed her hand over Bette’s heart and looked into her wet eyes.

“You’re an amazing woman Honey and she’ll see that once you allow yourself to see it.”

Tina placed both her hands on Bette’s shirt and pulled it off over her head discarding it on the floor. She slowly traced the outline of Bette’s bra on her skin as Bette let a deep breath out, feeling her emotions subsiding and her need growing.

Tina unlatched the front clasp on Bette’s bra, pushed it open and to the sides, allowing her lips to travel where her fingers were just on Bette’s skin. Bette’s nipples responded in kind, hardening in front of Tina’s eyes urging her to pay attention to them.

Tina brushed her tongue over one, lightly, as she clasped Bette’s hand in hers, fingers intertwined. Bette moaned and arched her back as Tina took her nipple fully in her mouth, sucking gently on it, while her free hand began to unbutton Bette’s jeans.

The zipper slowly went down with ease as Tina moved to the other nipple, paying full attention to her wife’s reactions with each movement of her mouth over Bette’s nipple.

“Please Tina,” Bette pleaded breathlessly.

Tina began placing light kisses on Bette’s stomach in response to her pleas. Bette’s head moved side to side as she struggled to reign her physical reaction in and continue to explore the much needed emotional one Tina was providing.

She spread her legs wider in an offering to Tina, in a plea for release. Tina placed small, gentle kisses on the area of skin she just exposed as she peeled back Bette’s waistband on her jeans. As she took a deep breath in, Tina became more aroused being greeted by Bette’s unique scent indicating her arousal.

She ran her fingers lightly over Bette’s exposed thong causing Bette’s hips to arch off the bed and toward Tina. She slipped her hand inside of Bette’s jeans, feeling the dampness between her legs as she made eye contact with her.

“Do you feel this?”

Bette nodded as she picked her head up off the pillow to look at Tina.

“I want you to feel this, our love, not numbness.”

Tina moved her hand slowly, massaging Bette through her underwear, suddenly feeling the need to quickly remove all of Bette’s clothing to have as much contact with her body as she could get.

Bette assisted the process by lifting her hips off the bed as Tina slid her jeans and underwear down, discarding them in the same pile as her shirt.

Tina urged Bette’s thighs to part further so she could fully settle between them. She hooked her arms around Bette’s thighs as she nuzzled Bette’s center with her nose. The cool air that she blew out of her nose caressed Bette’s wet center causing her to shiver with need.

“Please,” was all that Bette could utter in her state of arousal.

Tina began to lick lightly with the tip of her tongue, feeling Bette react by shaking and digging her fingers through Tina’s hair to hold her head closer.

Her back arched, her body tense, her orgasm building quickly.

Tina licked one more time and then proceeded to take Bette’s clit in her mouth, fully, as she sucked harder then she had on Bette’s nipples. Her fingers dug into Bette’s thighs hard as she held her still, using her mouth to bring Bette to orgasm.

Bette allowed her emotions to fully rise to the surface. Tears came once again, but this time out of love rather then fear and numbness.