Ch1

“Hi, I am Shane.  How would you like your hair done today?”   I repeated the same line to this lady.  My hands are feeling her hair texture, deciding how to cut her hair.  My voice was flat. I tried to squeeze a smile for her but all I could manage was a half smile. It must look so fake.  I’m in automatic mode now.  I needed to get away from people, from everything that reminded me of her.

It was today, 26 march, three years ago, where I left the love of my life at the alter.  It was an unforgettable sin.  I tried to find her a few days later but I got beaten up by her cousins instead.  I deserved everything single punch.  It made me felt less guilty somewhat. 

I tried to concentrate on the hair… It seems like forever to finish this woman’s hair cut.  I couldn’t remember her name.  Guess I didn’t really care either. I ask my assistant, Lucy, to cancel all my remaining appointments and left.  I need to get away fast. But first, I need a fix.    

It’s hard to concentrate on the road when you are high on acid.  Mental note to myself, remember to get a fix after driving.  After a few close calls and horned by many motorists,  somehow I managed not to crash my truck, I return to this house every year hoping that she will be here waiting for me.  Hoping that her family could forgive me one day, it was my wishful thinking only.  I never have the courage to go inside, so I just sit in my truck for a while feeling sorry for myself.

OK, my next stop is the beach.  I need to lie down, my head is spinning and my heart is hollow.

I am lying on my back.  The wind is blowing the sand on my face. It feels kind of good.  Carmen used to bring me here and watched the sunset together. We would kiss a little, tease each other until one could not stand it anymore.  The sunset is beautiful, with clouds reflecting the golden rays of the falling sun.  It is just a peaceful scene.  I am temporary lost in my head, in the good old days.