Chapter 33

Although half the day was over, Tina still sat with the same file in front of her since she began working that morning with nothing accomplished on it to warrant her closing it. She tapped her pen on her desk and attempted to focus, once again, on the script Helena wanted an answer on before she went home for the day.

“This is for shit,” Tina muttered as she flipped to the next page and began to scribble notes in the margins about what needed to change for her to even remotely consider funding a movie reflecting the storyline. She was startled when Helena walked in her office and greeted her asking about the script.

“You’re still not done with it?”

“Have you read this Helena?” Tina asked as she arched her eyebrow with skepticism.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because if I know you, and I think I do, you’re once again smitten with the author and didn’t even look at this pile of shit before handing it to me to turn them down.”

“You’re turning her down?” Helena slumped in the chair across from Tina’s desk.

“Withstanding a miracle, yes I’ll be turning her down.”

“Am I that transparent?” Helena asked sadly.

“Not really, I’ve just seen you do this before. Why do you feel you have to offer someone more then yourself for them to like you?”

“Because it’s been that way all my life,” Helena said. “I’ve seen many a shrink for it Tina so please don’t try to overanalyze it.”

“Don’t worry,” Tina smiled. “That wasn’t in my plan. I think you need to find someone that appreciates you for you and not for what you can do with their script.”

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” Tina said as she put a huge red slash through an entire paragraph and making a grunting sound as if in pain while reading.

“Not get lonely?”

“Who says I don’t?”

“It doesn’t seem that way.”

“Maybe I’m a good actor,” Tina smiled at Helena.

“Are you taking Alice up on her offer of,” Helena paused trying to think of the right phrasing that was used that morning. “How did she phrase that?”

“A date with the best parts of you and Bette?”

“That’s exactly it!” Helena exclaimed pointing at Tina. “I wasn’t sure if I should take offense or not.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“So are you going to meet the woman that embodies all that Bette and I are without the other, less flattering, traits?”

“I have no idea,” Tina said as she put her pen down and leaned back in her chair. “Alice sent me the details about 2 hours ago and I never responded to her e-mail.”

“I think you should go.”

“Why?”

“Why not really? It’s one date, you never know what could happen, and if nothing else that restaurant is supposed to be fabulous and you can enjoy it.”

“With potentially awful company.”

“She won’t be, given that she is the better parts of the two women that you’ve been with and dare I say loved.”

Tina laughed, despite her efforts to take the conversation serious.

“Anyway,” Helena got up to leave Tina with her thoughts. “Let me know about the script and about your decision on the date thing. My curiosity is peaked regarding this woman.”

“What makes you think I don’t want to fish in another pond instead of the one that all the alpha fish swim in?”

“Is that a compliment or an insult?”

“I don’t really know,” Tina said smiling as Helena’s hand rested on the doorknob to Tina’s office door.

“If possessing an alpha personality is a negative thing for you, and this woman is supposed to be like Bette and I, I change my opinion and think you should run far and fast.”

Helena left Tina alone with the deplorable script, Alice’s e-mail, and Tina’s thoughts of Bette and her reaction that morning at The Planet.

Alice sat back with a non-fat latte and a book enjoying the thinning crowd at The Planet. She was startled when Kristen sat down next to her and jarred the couch.

“What are you doing? You’re supposed to be fixing this Tina thing.”

“Don’t panic,” Alice smiled. “She’s not taking the bait so we’re off the hook. I sent her an e-mail 2 hours ago and haven’t gotten a response so I think we’re in the clear.”

“She didn’t say no.”

“But she didn’t say yes either,” Alice blew off Kristen’s concern. “Want a sip of this latte? It’s so damn good!”

“No,” Kristen said firmly. “What I want is to know that we don’t have to be on the search for this perfect woman for Tina for Saturday night.”

“Speaking of Saturday night,” Alice said smiling at Kristen. “Where do you want to go on our date?”

“It’s a date?”

“I’m calling it that.”

“I thought it was dinner,” Kristen said.

“It is,” Alice agreed. “But I think a lot of people go to dinner on dates and I think it’d be fun to call it one.”

“Fun?”

“I’m calling it a date Kristen, you call it what you want to.”

Alice jumped when her instant message screen made a noise to indicate she had received an e-mail.

“Oh no,” Alice said as she slowly clicked on the message that Tina sent back. “She replied.”

“Who?”

“Tina.”

“Dear God we’re in trouble aren’t we?” Kristen said in panic.

“Let’s read and see what she says.”

Alice clicked on the message and allowed her only reaction to be her mouth gaping open.

“And?”

“Now it’s time to panic!” Alice said in a scared voice. “She wants to go.”

“You need to make this right Al! How can it be that she wants to go? She’s not available to go unless that was an excuse so that Bette didn’t have to say she just didn’t want to be with me?”

“What’s up with you two?” Shane said as she sat down next to Kristen. “The chart amiss again Al?”

“Funny,” Alice snickered in a mocking manner at Shane. “We need a Belena and fast!”

“What the fuck is a Belena?” Shane asked.

“You know, Bette and Helena combined.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Shane said laughing. “We’re now combining names to categorize a person?”

“Call it what you want Shane, but I still need it.”

“Why is this?”

“Tina’s date for Saturday.”

“And what happened to the Belena you had?”

“Long story.”

“Give me the short version,” Shane pushed.

“There is no short version!” Alice cried out. “Shane we have to go.”

Alice grabbed her laptop and Kristen’s hand quickly walking out of The Planet and near her car.

“Let’s recap at my house in 20,” Alice said. “I’ve got to think this one through.”

“And that will take you only 20 minutes?”

“There’s an easy way and a hard way to do this. We just need to figure out both so we have some plans in place to address this.”

“How about we figure out just one way to get out of this and do just that?” Kristen asked.

“That’s a good plan,” Alice said chewing on her fingernails frantically.

Kristen’s phone began to ring and she looked at it seeing Bette’s name scroll across the caller id.

“Fuck it’s Bette!”

“This is not good,” Alice said feeling her stomach begin to knot in anticipation of the anger she knew Bette and Tina would have for her ploy to get them to acknowledge their relationship.

“What do I do?”

“Answer it, why prolong the inevitable?”

Kristen flipped her phone open and hesitantly answered.

“Hello?”

“Kristen it’s Bette,” Bette sounded a bit short in her greeting. “Am I getting you from something or do you have a second?”

“I’m kind of busy actually and I can barely hear you over this wind outside. Can I call you back?”

“When?”

“Later tonight. I can call you on your cell?”

“Fine, I’ll talk to you tonight,” Bette hung up frustrated at Kristen pushing their conversation off, but knowing that she couldn’t push too hard or she wouldn’t be able to have a civil conversation with her ex-lover.

She put her cell phone down and looked at one of the many pictures of Angelica that decorated her desk. She picked it up and took notice of her daughter’s features, many the same as hers.

“We are too much alike, stubborn as the damn day is long Angelica.”

Bette bit her bottom lip as she thought about the last few days and Angelica’s unwillingness to talk with her and Tina and devise a way of explaining her thoughts that didn’t include screaming or storming out.

“Storming out,” Bette pondered out loud. “Gee I wonder where she gets that from?”

Bette felt a pit in her stomach at her earlier behavior regarding her conversation at The Planet with Tina. She picked up her cell phone and twirled it in her hand, constructing the perfect way to begin the conversation with Tina in her head. She hit her speed dial for Tina’s cell phone and bit her bottom lip nervously while she waited for Tina to answer her phone.

“Hello?” Tina answered in a monotone voice.

“It’s me.”

Bette’s words were met with silence indicating Tina’s anger still existed hours after the incident.

“I hope we don’t have a bad connection,” Bette continued, secretly hoping they did instead of the silence being by Tina’s choice.

“We don’t,” Tina answered.

“Oh,” Bette said unsure of what to say next so she just began to talk. “I tried to devise the perfect opener to this conversation but I can’t seem to get it right in my head.”

“I’m busy Bette so it doesn’t have to be perfect, just talk.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For?” Tina encouraged her to continue.

“Walking out of The Planet this morning.”

Bette’s reasoning was met with silence once more causing a level of panic to rise within her.

“I shouldn’t have done that knowing how frustrated I got when Angie did it to us.”

Tina, once again, remained silent causing a slight annoyance to rise within Bette.

“So I called to say I was sorry for walking out.”

“So you’re apologizing for walking out on our conversation this morning?”

“Yes.”

“Not for having it in the first place?” Tina questioned obviously still angry based on her tone.

“I don’t know what you mean by that Tina.”

“You’ll call to say sorry about walking out on it when I’m mad that it happened in the first place.”

“Why?”

“Do you ever stop long enough to hear what someone else says to you?”

“Of course I do,” Bette answered.

“I’m angry that the conversation happened in the first place,” Tina reiterated her stance. “You were more upset with the fact that Alice met up with Kristen at a bar then you were that I would be going out on a date with another woman!”

“Well I was taken back by all of it to be honest. I’m not saying I handled any of it well, but I’ve had some time to think and I’m working on it.”

“What part of it Bette?”

Bette’s silence gave Tina the answer she was looking for without the words being said.

“You’re working on not being jealous that Kristen seemed to enjoy her time with Alice,” Tina said in anger. “Why is that Bette? Is it that you’re jealous or maybe that your ego is bruised that she got over you letting her down so easily? Maybe it’s that you just take me for granted.”

“I do not take you for granted!”

“Then it has to be the other answers then doesn’t it? So which one is it?”

“Tina I’ve apologized for handling things poorly. There’s no need to get belligerent about it.”

“I think I deserve an answer as to why you are more concerned with the fact that Kristen slept at Alice’s because she had too much to drink then you are that I am going on a date with someone else!”

“You’re what?” Bette allowed the words to sink in.

“I’m what?” Tina didn’t even realize what she had said until Bette paused. “What are you asking me Bette?”

“You decided to go on a date with someone else?”

“I have no choice unless we just do what I wanted to in the first place, which is come clean with everyone and tell them we’re together!”

“And what do you propose that we do with our daughter given her current state?”

“Stop letting her run our lives,” Tina said in anger. “It’s frustrating and I’m the parent not the child!”

“You’re the parent,” Bette emphasized the beginning of the sentence taking it out of context. “Funny how I thought I was too!”

“You know what I mean,” Tina said in a calm voice.

“Do I?”

“Now you’re deflecting this back on me with that sentence because I’m angry with you. I’m not going to allow you to do that Bette.”

“Well I guess my answer to the previous question is you do what you want to with Angelica since it’s clear that you’re making the choices regarding that.”

“You’re exasperating,” Tina said as she shook her head in anger and disbelief.

“Among other things,” Bette said. “Let’s see I was ridiculous this morning, jealous which is not what I would call what I am relative to Alice and Kristen, and now I’m exasperating.”

“So what are you relative to Alice and Kristen?”

Bette hadn’t gotten that far in her assessment of her feelings and didn’t want to start a conversation she didn’t have the answers to.

“Does it matter at this point since you seem to have made your mind up that you’re going out with other people?”

“As a cover because we’re hiding!” Tina said loudly. “Do you think it’s easy for me not to be able to show you any affection in public or just even talk about you to our friends?”

“And that is precisely why I am restless about Alice and Kristen hanging out, the talking to our friends part!”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“It doesn’t, but I’m answering your question. I don’t like being the topic of conversation.”

“And you think that if Al and Kristen were to hang out and become friends that they have nothing more in common then you?”

“I didn’t say that, but I’m bound to come up eventually.”

“God,” Tina scoffed. “You are so hung up on that. You alone can’t make a friendship between two people Bette! You’d be happy to know that Al and I hardly ever talked about you until I moved out and stayed with her.”

“I beg to differ Tina,” Bette said calmly. “I remember you being so close to her that she knew you were pregnant with our child, both times I might add, before I did. I remember her being so sympathetic to you because she had ‘been there’ on the receiving end of dating me that she sent you to a fucking lawyer to protect yourself from me.”

“So this has to do with her jaded view of you and not Kristen?”

“This has to do with me not wanting my relationships out there for everyone to know.”

“You don’t think that at some point Kristen would date someone else and they’d ask her about her past and she’d tell them about you?”

“That’s different.”

“How is it different Bette?”

“They don’t know me in that way and I wouldn’t have to face her girlfriend daily and see that judgment in her eyes.”

“You think Al would judge you?”

“That I dated someone that loved me with all that they were and I couldn’t return it because I was in love with you? Yes, I think she would have some level of judgment regarding that.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I feel a certain level of guilt in that Kristen loved me with everything she was and I couldn’t give her all of myself to make the relationship work. I feel like a fucking failure because it ended based on me not giving her what she needed. She needed to feel like my partner, the most important person to me, and she knew she wasn’t.”

“Bette,” Tina calmed down in order to slow the conversation down and actually make headway into resolving the argument. “You act like Kristen didn’t benefit at all from your relationship with her. She had good times, she got to experience how amazing you are in that role, and she got to know that special person that you are in a romantic sense.”

“And you think that makes up for her giving me her heart and me shattering it?” Bette asked sarcastically.

“I think that you’re portraying her as a saint and I think she has her own issues and knew what she was getting into.”

“So that makes it right?”

“No, but it doesn’t make you a bad person that it didn’t work out.”

Bette took a deep breath in and remained silent long enough for Tina to feel the uncomfortable silence on her end.

“What?” Tina prodded.

“I hate that you don’t get it and dismiss my concern.”

“I didn’t dismiss it.”

“You don’t agree so you just dismiss it like I’m being jealous or my ego is bruised.”

Tina cringed at her words being thrown back at her when she now was getting a clearer picture into Bette’s current emotional state.

“You didn’t have to live in that relationship and see this amazing person look at you daily with this want in their eyes for even a fraction of what she gave to be returned. She walked away from everything here just to get away from me and then returned hoping to get treated once again like a second class priority just to have me in her life.”

“So you’re afraid that Alice will tell her you’re a shit for how you loved her? Al is your friend and she loves you more then anything Bette, she never had a bad word to say about you when we were together.”

“Well excuse me if I’m a tad skeptical at that based on how she treated me after Candace.”

Bette got up from her desk and balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear as she began to pack up her laptop and files that she had been working on.

“At this point I don’t care what anyone else thinks, I’m talking to her about this,” Bette said as she grabbed her bag and headed toward the front of the gallery to tell her assistant she was leaving for the day.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to Al’s to talk to her about this instead of arguing with you about it. You’re not the one I have an issue with or feel will judge me. I do, however, want to tell you that I don’t take you for granted and wouldn’t make that fucking mistake twice!”

Bette walked past her assistant and cupped the phone to talk to her.

“I’m working from home the rest of the day, just forward my calls to my cell.”

Bette walked out of the gallery as she said goodbye to Tina, leaving her with no indication of how she was expected to handle her dilemma regarding her Saturday night date, and got in her car headed toward Alice’s apartment.