Sharpen

            Up

                The

                      Knives 3

Oh girl,
Lead me into your darkness….
When this world is trying it’s hardest….
To leave me unimpressed…
Just one caress…
From you and I’m blessed…….

Ch 4

I put one of her records on. The song with its jazzy intent, its blues like feel, is about getting caught in the flesh of a girl. The record with its cracks and pops sounds so soothing. I walk over and look at the biggest fattest wettest snow flakes fall onto the earth. None of this symbolism is lost on me. The girl, the winter I seem to be trapped in; it all felt scary and familiar and insane. 

Carmen tries hard to sneak up on me but I catch the air shift as soon as she walks in the room. She seems amazed by it.

“It was what I got paid to do.”

“I see…. So?”

“……….So what?” I ask confused.

“You seemed to like the kiss.”

 Smile bright and blinding. Her words direct and fierce.

“You seemed to like giving me the kiss.’

 What does my smile say?

‘It was………” She says, breathless standing near her fireplace.

“I know…..” I whisper. Whether she heard me or not I don’t know.

“So…what now?”

“We wait for the snow to fall when it dies down I will leave.”

She looks off to the side when I say the bit about leaving.

“Won’t they kill me looking for you?”

“You won’t be here. When I leave I will get you to your brother’s house. They will think that I crashed here and moved on.”

‘Got it all figured out…. don’t you Shane?”

“A little.”

“What if I don’t want you to leave?”

She can’t be serious?

“You don’t know what you are talking about. This is all a big exciting thing for you. You can’t understand how much……how much you have to loose just by being with me….being near me. I am what I am. Nothing will change it. You don’t know me at all. You have no idea what kind of things I am capable of doing. What things I have done. You just don’t know. When you look at me you see someone who is not real in any shape or form.”