Sharpen

             Up

                The

                      Knives 4

You and I, we may look the same.
But we are very far apart.
There’s bullet holes where my compassion used to be
and there is violence in my heart.
Into fire you can send us.
From the fire we return.
You can label us a consequence of how much you have to learn.

Ch 6

“Carmen…..I don’t think…we………”

‘No don’t answer that. Actions will speak louder than words…don’t you think?”

I am still stuck on Carmen saying fuck. Its the way she said it, like if we did it would not be a mistake. Like if we did, it would seriously make me a new person. Like if we did, we would never ever stop. Like if we did I wouldn’t be able to function at any capacity. We would find a bed somewhere far away from The Agency and never get out of it. We would starve unless we found a way to stop fucking.

Carmen she just smirks at me.

“So,” She says changing the subject, “You couldn’t have always been a contract killer….. How did it happen?”

“……Like I said I was recruited in The Corp and I tested well at the range, they gave me these tests… personality tests and I fit a profile, I graduated in the top of my class……..”

“What was on the tests that made you stand out?”

She asks good questions.

“Stuff like would you rather burn, would you rather bleed, lots of questions about pain. At the time I thought it was weird but I answered them. Questions like… if a building was on fire and a car was exploding which one would I respond first to?”

“And what did you pick?” She really wants to know the answer. Her whole body is in tune with what I am saying. The way she leans on her side, the way her head follows me, the way she nods her understanding.

“The car.”

“Why the car.”

“Because I knew there was no way anyone could survive a car blowing up.”

“Weird.”

“I know.’

“So you passed a morality test with a lack of fundamental feeling and you had a great shot and because of all that they let you kill people for the government?”