Misdirection is the key to any good trick.  What people don’t know, or rather don’t admit, is that misdirection is the key to life.  We use some form of misdirection practically every day.  At work, in public, our lovers, and even with ourselves.  It’s the key to my work and life now.  Its how I make a living and how I survive.

I was totally spaced out as I followed this Dana chick around the offices.  I really needed to see the labs but she seemed to be avoiding that part of the compound.  I relented to watching her ass sway as she walked.  She was really fit.  Must play sports.  We passed some more offices and closets.  One in particular caught my attention.

Bette:  “What’s this?”

Dana:  “Oh that’s just the employee file room.”

Bette:  Pay dirt!

I just nodded as she continued.  That’s just what I was looking for.  This needed to go no further.  What should I do to get in this room now?  The old come and cough will do.  Alice taught me this one.  This Dana chicks looks like an easy mark.  Here goes.

Bette:  “Excuse me Dana but can I just tell you that you have beautiful legs.  Do you work out?”

I lightly touched her arm as I spoke.

Dana:  “Oh…well thank you.  Yes I do…play a little tennis.”

Bette:  “Tennis huh?   So that’s how you got that great body.”

Dane put her head down and smiled as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

Dana:  “Oh my…thank you.”

Bette:  “You know I would love….”

**cough, cough**

Bette:  “Excuse me.  I would love….”

**cough, cough**

Right about now I start coughing up a long still trying to speak.  Once its clear that’s not working I bend over placing one hand over my chest and the other up the air apologetically.  Right about now she’s very concerned about me.  She places a hand gently on my back as I continue to hack away.  In the confusion I manage to lift her pass card off her jacket.

Dane:  “Are…are you ok?  Can I get you something?”

Bette:  “Wa…**cough**wat…er”

**cough**

Dana:  “Oh water!  Right.  I’ll be right back.”

Soon as I see her round the corner I regain my composure.  Works every time.  I immediately find the door with the employee record and swipe in.  J.  I scan the cabinets.  I was thrilled that they still kept papers records.  Made my little fact finding mission that much easier.  J.  Here we are.   Jacobs, Jacobs, got it.  No picture, freakin’ a.  Oh well.  I just need the address.  I rip it out the file and stuff it in my suit jacket.  I throw it back in the cabinet and head back to my spot clutching my chest and leaning against the wall.  Dana returns not to long after with the water.  I move in close to her pretending to be thankful for the water and quickly return her pass key to her jacket.  She doesn’t even notice.   I soon pull myself together.