Part 30

The escape…in the mirror

Yes, I had made the decision. So I went to my laptop, dialed in the Internet and booked a non-stop-flight to Seattle for Monday morning, 10:53am. No, I did not know what I expected, but I was sure that I wanted to go to you now. I thought if I waited any longer, my courage would leave me. And even with such a lot of fear that I had, I knew it certainly: I will wait no day longer than necessary. I called my boss and asked her to give me some days off, on flimsy excuses. Because we were in the so-called summer hole anyway and my presence was not necessary compelling, she agreed and gave me vacation for a week. I began to pack a bag, a small bag with some things. After all, I do not want to attack you and maybe you are not at home. However, it was an adventure, I knew this, but I was more than decided to take it.

I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night. So much that I wanted to tell you. Sometime I got up and began to write a letter to you. However, after a few lines I tore the paper again, I could not find the right words. Sometimes the sentences sounded too profane, sometimes too philosophically, sometimes too emotional, sometimes too blunted, sometimes I wrote a novel and sometimes I couldn’t think of the simplest right words. It was so crazy. Around 4 o’clock I went in my bed again, I was dead tired and wide awake at the same time. I got up again, had a glass of wine, read a newspaper and went to my bed again, stared into the darkness of the ceiling, quite some minutes until it started to rotate. So I got up again, washed the dishes in the kitchen, went back to the bedroom and unpacked my bag once again. Had I packed the right things? I replaced two shirts, packed additional trousers and rummaged in my toilet bag until I found it was perfect. Then I put everything in my bag again. Maybe I could take a book for the flight? So I went to the sitting room. Mystery story, lesbian novel, thriller, history, travel guide, drama, comedy… in the end of my search I had 14 books placed close to the table. Hmmm, this was a little bit exaggerated, so travel guide no, comedy no, hmmm, thriller no, drama no, better is that, lesbian novel?, maybe also not the right thing, okay. Now this limits it to three books of the categories mystery story and history, hmmm, Napoleon or Sissi? War or heartache? Fight or devotedness? France or Austria? Sissi, yes, I think, Sissi is good. So I quickly put both books into my bag and closed it to not get into the dilemma to think about it again. I’m hungry, prepare myself a Bagel and bolted it down, a cup of coffee in addition, so that it was not too dry.