Vignettes of the Heart – 9

Bette awoke with a start. At first she could not figure out where she was, or what had woken her. Then she heard it again: Angelica was crying. Bette padded into the other bedroom and gathered Angelica into her arms. "Shhhh, baby. It’s okay, everything is okay. Shhh…" she repeated over and over, bouncing her child in her arms as she slowly paced the room. "It’s all right, baby girl. Mama’s got you. I love you, Angie," she cooed softly.

Once Angelica had quieted and snuggled into her neck, Bette carefully sat down in the rocking chair. She gently rocked and gazed out the window into the night. She loved these moments, when the world was peaceful and she could hold Angelica close, allowing the gentle rise and fall of toddler breathing to fill her heart. The confusion and sorrow of earlier tried to fill her mind, but Bette carefully shut out every thought but that of the love she felt for her daughter. It was that love that sustained her every day, gave her the focus she needed to keep trying to be happy.

Tina leaned against against the doorway to Angelica’s room, arms folded, eyes taking in the sight before her. Moonlight and city lights cast a faint glow on the slowly rocking figures sitting at an angle before the window. Whenever she needed peace, this was the sight she imagined: Bette rocking their daughter to sleep in the still of the night. Nothing came closer to perfection. She did not know how long she stood and watched, but somewhere in there she came to the realization that in spite of her fears, she had no choice but to make it work with Bette. Not to try, but to succeed. Because to do anything else would be to give up on life.

Tina tiptoed into the bedroom, silently making her way to the rocker, to her child, to her wife. Hardly making a sound, she whispered, "Bette?" The rocking figure looked up at her as if coming out of a trance. "T? I didn’t hear you come in." Bette carefully shifted Angelica in her arms and took Tina’s hand in hers. Neither spoke for a few moments, simply enjoying the sensation of touching one another.

Bette broke the silence first, speaking softly, almost as if to herself. "I love nights like this. It’s so peaceful to sit in the dark and hold this amazing being in my arms. The rest of the world disappears, and it’s only us. And now you," she added, meeting Tina’s glistening eyes with her own.

Tina knelt by the rocking chair and rested her cheek on Angelica’s, still holding Bette’s hand tightly. After a few moments, Tina spoke. "You and Angelica are my world. I have never wanted anything but this." Tears streamed down her cheeks and she lowered her head into Bette’s lap. Bette stroked Tina’s hair, comforting her as she cried, tears beginning to fall from her own eyes.

They stayed that way for as long as it took for Tina to cry herself out. Taking one last shuddering breath, Tina sat back on her heels and looked up at Bette. Neither said a word; they just looked at each other, wordlessly communicating as they had so many times before.