Stevie rode back to the house in silence.  She had so much on her mind.  Not just business related either.  She felt awful about the way in which she had been treating Bette.  But on her list of things to do Bette just always fell last.  She knew Bette understood but how long could that last.  She was also second guessing her choice to not travel anymore as well.  On the one hand she hated leaving her partner and children to travel for long periods of time.  She hated missing things and not being able to spend time with them.  On the other hand she loved traveling again.  She felt as she had before Xavier and before Bette.  Totally free.  Totally alone, but free none the less.  As the business became less of an idea and more of a reality she felt the walls closing in on her.  This was a very final very permanent step.  True she was devoted to Bette and her children, but the lack of formal legal attachment left her with a bit of an out she felt.  She had that nagging urge to run more then once but she recognized that as her father in her and she refused to be him.  Even if it wasn’t something she wanted, she would stay just to spite him.  But that’s not what she wanted she was sure.  She loved Bette more then she loved anyone in her life, besides Shane of course.  Bette loved Xavier as if he was her own and cared for her with such patience and understanding that it scared her at times.

So why now after they had been through so much was she feeling this way.  Unsure.  She had done this for them.  So they would never have distance between them.  But Stevie’s trepidation about the future was now forming a less literal distance between them but space and time just the same.  She had no clue why.  No real tangible reason to be feeling this way.  It scared her.  She wanted nothing to more but to feel the same way about the current status of her life as she did a few short months ago, but she didn’t. 

She had no one to talk to about it.  She could have gone to Shane and should have gone to Bette was she didn’t see the point.  Stevie reasoned who knew her better then herself?