Me, I’m Not….6

The stars are all afire in the sky……….

Ch 9

I once read that the ones you love and the ones who love you are never the same.

There is truth in those words. There is a certain type of logic to voice something so obvious and yet so true at the same time. I would not claim to have been in love with Carmen. I should rephrase and say that I could fall in love with her. I should add that I almost did fall in love with her, for all the complete and wrong reasons. You see none of that would have mattered because Carmen was and is in love with Shane. And I was in the way of fate. On a path I never should have set foot on…..A trail, Carmen, Shane, me…..winding, turning and overall running from………..fill in the blank…….

Such is life; such are dreams and ramblings that follow…….

After Shane left with Bette I found myself in that restroom of lies at The Planet. I spit blood into the basin and marveled how it does really stain your teeth. At least the cat was out of the damn bag already. Alice still had words to lecture me with on the ride back to her apartment. I slept on the sofa……I use to sleep in a king size bed……

“Ok when I tell you that this was the only girl Shane will ever again admit to loving I am not just saying it for the extra dramatic effect….I mean it….Carmen did something to Shane…..she opened her up……made her think things like …..Well like a person with feelings……”

“Stop talking to me about Shane and how wonderful Carmen made her feel, how about what Carmen feels, how about right now at this moment in time how does Carmen feel?”

“Fuck Helena…..I know that Carmen is hurting ok…you didn’t have to tell her that Shane was not coming…you didn’t have to look her in the eye and tell her…ok…I did…ok…..all you did was try to pick up the pieces for yourself……”

“Alice that is a harsh thing……..”

“…I know I am sorry…….I know your not some kind of monster feeding off their life force or something……when did this happen?”