Chapter 16

Tina leisurely placed both her feet up on her desk, causing her to smile as she remembered what had taken place on the same desk earlier that morning.

“Alice,” Tina pleaded. “This is serious. I need you to come by my office.”

“What can’t wait until I see you tonight?”

“Would I ruin all the fun and tell you over the phone?” Tina asked balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear to file one of her nails. “Bring Shane and Dana too if you can.”

“This has got to be good if you want the three of us and not just me.”

“It’s more than just the three of you because I’ve already called Helena and she’ll be here too. I didn’t ask Kristen though, but you can bring her if you want.”

“Funny you should say that,” Alice chuckled. “She left about 10 minutes ago to meet Bette at her gallery for some secret meeting. It must be a theme for the two of you today.”

“That little shit!”

“What?” Alice asked confused as she searched for her shoes under the bed.

“She went to Kristen for help,” Tina allowed a small smile to grace her face.

“Help with what?”

“What I’m coming to you for,” Tina confirmed.

“Oh,” Alice started to mock Tina. “Talk about hypocrisy, calling Bette a little shit for doing the same thing you are!”

“I’m actually glad she did to be honest, I wouldn’t want Bette to feel isolated dealing with all this.”

“I’m begging you,” Alice sat down on her bed with her shoulders hunched in defeat. “What is going on with the two of you?”

“Show up with lunch and find out,” Tina said hanging up the phone knowing Alice would break most traffic laws to get to the studio as fast as humanly possible.

Tina grabbed the picture of Bette that was constantly on her desk bringing a smile to her face daily.
“God I hope I can convince you,” Tina spoke to the picture before gently brushing her lips against the glass that protected the picture of her wife.

The same smile reflected in the picture in Tina’s hands made it’s way to Bette’s face as she stepped back from her sculpture to take in all that she had accomplished for the day. She finished up the final touches to legs of the sculpture and had to admit to herself she was proud of the work she had done.

“It looks amazing,” Megan stood next to her with a smile on her face as well. “You could have the entire abdomen done today if you work at it.”

“I’m actually calling it a day,” Bette explained. “Someone is coming to the gallery to help me with something and I need to make time for it.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“No,” Bette smiled politely. “It’s actually a personal matter.”

“Oh that again,” Megan rolled her eyes. “Why do you find it necessary to have me beat it out of you rather than you just coming out and telling me so I can help?”

“Maybe because I don’t want your help. I don’t openly share with just anyone Megan.”

“Then I feel honored,” Kristen said from behind them causing both Bette and Megan to turn around surprised at her presence. “I didn’t mean to shock you.”

“It’s ok,” Bette walked over and placed a kiss on Kristen’s cheek much to Megan’s dismay. “You remember my friend Kristen?”

Megan smiled and shook her head to confirm she hadn’t forgotten Kristen since she met her at The Planet.

“This looks amazing,” Kristen looked around at the pieces of art that were beginning to take form. She walked the length of the gallery admiring the sketches that were plastered on the walls near the bases they corresponded to.

“It’s my pride and joy.”

“I can see that,” Kristen now stood, once again, next to Bette. “You work with a lot of passion and determination given the amount of work you’ve completed in such a short period of time.”

“It’s an artist’s curse,” Megan simply said. “Inspired beyond time and reason, which means your life is on hold while you prepare for a show.”

“Bette,” Kristen essentially ignored Megan’s statement. “Should I wait for you in your office?”

“I’ll be there within 5 minutes,” Bette confirmed dusting off her jeans.

Megan watched as Kristen walked out leaving her and Bette alone once more. Megan sensed that whatever was on Bette’s mind was of great proportion and desired to know more.

“Still not going to tell me what’s going on?”

“Why would I?” Bette asked annoyed at Megan’s persistence. “We work together Megan, that’s what our relationship is now.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

“It’s about something you won’t understand.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” Megan pleaded. “I might surprise you.”

“It’s about Tina and that means I don’t wish to share it with just anyone.”

“You have to start to trust me,” Megan said. “If we’re going to pull this off, and we have to, you have to be able to talk to me. I would think after all we shared that we could manage friendship.”

“We slept together,” Bette said annoyed. “It was nice, but it isn’t exactly what I would call a good foundation for a lifelong friendship.”

“I thought we were friends.”

“I’m sorry,” Bette apologized seeing the wounded look on Megan’s face. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, but this has to do with children and to my knowledge that isn’t at the top of your list of frequently discussed issues.”

“I know more about children than you know,” Megan bit back. “Would you be shocked if I told you that I had a partner who loved children and we were planning a family of our own?”

Megan’s emotions were out of control. Her anger was surface level, her sadness now overpowering all other emotions, and she was unable to hold back the tears she didn’t want to show Bette.

“I would be,” Bette said remorseful at seeing Megan’s reaction to the topic of conversation. “I didn’t mean to assume that you wouldn’t have a family. I guess I don’t know much about you even though we were once intimate.”

“It’s ok,” Megan wiped tears away from her cheeks and eyes.

“No it’s not ok. Don’t make excuses for me making horrible assumptions. I didn’t think you were involved because…”

“Because what?” Megan prompted as Bette’s sentence trailed off.

“Because you’ve never talked about your partner. I assumed you didn’t have anyone because ultimately you spend most of your time here and if you had a partner, I would hope you’d want to spend some time with her rather than here.”

“I know you well enough to know that there’s more,” Megan challenged.

“I guess I sort of felt a little…” Bette struggled with the correct words to express her next thought. “I felt that you were attracted to me and wanting more than what I was willing to offer.”

“I do find you extremely attractive,” Megan said eager to correct Bette’s thoughts. “But I don’t want anything from you other than the success if this show. My heart will always belong to my partner, whether she’s here or not.”

“Where is she?”

“Dead,” Megan said feeling a numbness take over her body and heart to lessen the pain.

“Dead?” Bette was shocked at the revelation.

Bette saw the transformation in Megan that she had never witnessed before. It was as if the gate to her pain, that typically held it back, was released and her tears began to fall. She struggled with breathing and bent over feeling the pain all over again, as fresh as the day her partner died. Megan’s tears flowed freely down her face as she dropped to her knees. Bette quickly made her way to Megan’s side and held her close to her body as Megan’s body shook with pain and anguish.

“It’s ok Megan,” Bette said calmly trying to comfort the woman in front of her. “I’m right here, let it all out.”

Megan noticed Bette’s caring demeanor and she felt a sense of comfort at having her there as she allowed the pain in. Bette’s arms were secure around her, her hands rubbing Megan’s back as she allowed her tears to fall with no effort at stopping them.

“Let it all out Megan, I’ve got you.”

Megan relaxed on the floor in Bette’s arms. It took her a moment to gather herself before she looked up, her gaze being met by Bette’s compassionate one.

“I think it’s time we talk,” Bette said with a sincere smile. “You need someone to help you Megan. Please allow me the honor of being that person.”

Tina leaned forward to actually accomplish some work before her friends made their appearance. Helena knocked on the door and stepped inside greeting Tina with a cup of coffee and a smile.

“As ordered, I’m reporting for my mysterious duty.”

“I can’t thank you enough.”

“For the coffee or reporting for duty?” Helena teased.

“Both,” Tina answered with a chuckle and began to tease her friend. “Oh what can I do to make it up to you Helena?”

“You can give me a sneak peak so I can one-up Alice when she gets here,” Helena suggested as payment.

“That wouldn’t be fair now would it?”

“Bloody hell,” Helena sat down rolling her eyes. “I suppose it wouldn’t be, but life isn’t rather fair when you look at it is it?”

“Not these days.”

“How are you handling the dreaded days of ‘the change’?” Helena asked using air quotes to emphasize what Tina was experiencing.

“Obviously not well.”

“That’s not obvious to me.”

“Please, my daughter is either passed out from stench in the Laundry Department,” Tina began to explain. “Or she’s dead from moving props around.”

“Hoping to work the alcohol out of her system?”

“Do you think it will work?” Tina asked feeling a small amount of guilt over Angelica’s torture.

“No, but I also think that her punishment was earned and has little to do with you going through menopause.”

“I’m disappointed in her and Bette’s made it clear that today is just the beginning of her punishment. She has a lot more to do, but we haven’t had a chance to discuss what exactly she’ll be doing before we break the news to her.”

The conversation was interrupted as Dana and Shane walked in the door curious about the task they were assisting with.

“Hey,” Shane said sitting in a chair near Tina’s desk and propping her feet on Tina’s desk. “What’s this all about anyway? Alice said you had some secret mission you wanted our help with.”

“I didn’t say that,” Alice said as she stepped in the office breathing heavy. “I never used the word secret, I used mysterious. But, since we’re all here now, spill it Kennard!”

“Why are you out of breath?”

“I was intrigued so I ran up the stairs instead of waiting for the damn elevator,” Alice admitted with a blush. “In these bags I hold the very best The Planet has to offer. But before I hand them to you TK, you will have to disclose the purpose of this meeting.”

Helena laughed at how professional sounding Alice was regarding the meeting.

“Fair enough,” Tina motioned for Alice to sit down on the couch next to Dana while she spoke. “Bette and I are at a crossroads and we’ve decided that in order to decide a path, we need to make a list of pros and cons to compare surrounding the topic.”

“What’s the topic?” Helena asked.

“Having another baby.”

“Wow,” Shane’s eyes widened with the news. “I didn’t expect that one.”

“That’s deep,” Dana agreed.

“Given all you’re going through,” Helena began to question her friend. “Are you sure you want to have another child?”

“Insemination sex has to be first,” Alice said chewing on a sandwich Kit had sent along. “A ferocious sexual appetite needs to be a close second.”

“That’s the spirit,” Tina smiled at Alice who lounged on the couch taking up most of the room away from Dana. “What else do we have?”

“That’s why you brought us here?” Dana asked. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“It’s not our place to judge Dane,” Alice pointed out. “We’re here to give her the pros and cons.”

“I can’t believe I am actually going to say thank you for being on my side.”

“You’re welcome,” Alice smiled sincerely at Tina.

“Doesn’t it concern you that Alice is the only one talking as if she is in agreement of this?” Helena pointed out.

“I know it should,” Tina contemplated. “But I’ll take any support I can get.”

“Has it really come to that?” Helena asked in a disappointed voice. “That you’re putting stock into what Alice says and finding how to exploit that.”

“You know I can hear you right?” Alice asked.

“That was never my concern.”

“Look,” Tina began her well-rehearsed speech. “I know that you may or may not agree with this, but I want another child. I can try to sell you on the idea that when we would have been adding to our family when Angelica was a toddler, we were apart so it wasn’t a consideration. Now that we’ve been together again for a reasonable amount of time, it’s ready to be explored.”

“Even with your body screaming no?” Shane asked.

“There are risks,” Helena pointed out carefully.

“I have no problems with listing the cons,” Tina announced. “I’m not turning a blind eye to them either. But what I really wanted was for you to help me with the pros. I’m having a hard time getting the emotions to jump off the page as they should.”

“It’ll be hard,” Alice agreed. “But we can try to develop the best damn list of pros Bette’s ever seen.”

“How many cons does Bette have?” Dana asked.

“Enough,” Tina confirmed. “But she is also working on pros too from her side.”

“That list will be short.”

“Don’t bet on it,” Alice smiled. “Kristen is helping her and she has a certain way of spinning things.”

Across town, Kristen was tapping her foot slightly annoyed that she had made the trip to see Bette at her gallery upon request and was now being rescheduled.

“You know I’m here for you,” Kristen explained. “Just not at your beck and call Bette.”

“She had a break down in front of me.”

“She’s an artist, drama is her style.”

“Hardly,” Bette said. “You didn’t see her just melt in front of you.”

“Bette,” Kristen got up from her seat and searched for her keys. “When you want help with whatever it is you’re dealing with, you let me know. Until then, I’m a busy woman and have other things I should be doing than waiting around for you.”

Kristen walked out of Bette’s office leaving her pondering her parting words. It was true she needed to complete her list of pros and cons on having another child, yet Megan breaking down in front of her was in the forefront of her mind.

Bette grabbed a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator and headed back to the main gallery as she watched Megan sitting on the dusty floor wiping her tears away again. Bette watched for a moment, not wanting to disrupt the emotions Megan was feeling, but finally gave in.

“Tina wants to have another baby,” Bette announced as she walked the length of the room and handed Megan the bottle of water.

Bette sat down next to Megan and leaned against the base where one of the sculptures would be sitting. She waited for Megan to respond and when she didn’t, Bette continued to open up trying to comfort Megan.

“I don’t want one. I’m afraid that it will cost me Tina. How silly is that?”

“Cost you how?” Megan asked staring straight ahead at the same focal point as Bette was.

“With her life, we aren’t that young anymore. Tina is going through pre-menopause and that’s inspired her to want to have a baby before she can’t anymore.”

“It’s not so silly,” Megan said. “It certainly could be considered tempting fate at her age. She’s obviously not as young as she was when she had your daughter.”

“Funny you should say that,” Bette rolled her eyes. “That was scary enough for me. Maybe I’m just being too selfish and should do what it takes to make her happy.”

“My partner was pregnant,” Megan said is a soft voice.

“What?”

“When she died,” Megan continued. “She was pregnant and having complications.”

Bette tried to fight the feeling of panic that rose within her, yet she was unsuccessful as her breathing changed and her palms began to sweat.

“I was a struggling artist, we didn’t have any money, but what little we had we devoted to getting pregnant. I would take her to the clinics that were supported by the state, the same ones that usually do abortions for unwanted pregnancies.”

“I’m familiar with them,” Bette choked out.

“She was having complications, which created some internal bleeding, and I rushed her to one of those clinics that we had frequented to get prenatal care. We couldn’t even drive the car up to the curb because all of those so-called Christian radicals fucking blocked the entrance. Even as we screamed that we were trying to save the baby, they weren’t budging.”

“Oh my God,” Bette’s hand flew to her mouth in horror.

“She never had a chance,” Megan sputtered as tears streamed down her pained face. “The staff finally saw what was going on and broke through to get us, but it was too late. They killed her Bette! The people that stood there on behalf of a fucking religion that we didn’t subscribe to, they fucking watched her die and condemned her soul without even knowing what we were there for!”

Bette held Megan close as she allowed herself to feel the indescribable pain she bottled up inside. Megan’s tears wet Bette’s shoulder as they soaked through the fabric of her t-shirt.

“It was too late!” Megan screamed as she broke down in Bette’s arms. “I was too late!”

Bette held her tighter as Megan clawed at her arms to feel some security. Her breathing was labored as she felt the weight of her pain wash over her.

“I lost everything in that fucking moment Bette! Everything was gone!”

Bette held Megan as her own insecurities rose to the surface. She continued to repeat one sentence over and over in her head until Megan’s painful voice rang out as she leaned further into Bette’s body.

“Tina cannot get pregnant,” Bette thought to herself. “I wouldn’t survive without her.”