Chapter 2

Alice opened the door to The Planet and smiled at the familiar sight before her. The Planet staff was busy carrying out Marina’s orders while the crowd continued to grow, clamoring for a seat to have an early lunch.

Alice smiled as she sat down at Shane’s table, interrupting a discussion between Shane and Dana.

“You know what I’ve always found intriguing?” Alice asked as she fanned herself with the Polaroid of a stunned Bette and Tina. “Someone needs to explain to me how every person on staff at The Planet can speak multiple languages.”

“They do don’t they?” Dana smiled realizing that Marina was mumbling in a different language and receiving head nods from the staff.

“Since when do you need to be multilingual to work as a bartender or dishwasher?”

“You also need to change your name to Geppetto because apparently Marina can’t remember anyone’s name.”

“You need to stay off of discussions that have anything to do with Disney,” Shane warned. “We don’t want another replay of your famous ‘Lady and the Tramp’ speech.”

Shane grabbed the picture out of Alice’s hand and looked at it curiously.

“Why do you have a picture of Bette and Tina looking rather surprised?”

“Because it was too classic to pass up,” Alice took the picture back and handed it to Dana to look at. “This was the moment when Tina’s mom informed her that they were going to be here an entire week to save $49 on their tickets.”

“They’re in town?” Dana asked surprised.

“Well the four of them are,” Alice explained. “Jackie had asked me a while ago to pick them up at the airport.”

“I’m so proud you kept it a secret.”

“Threats were involved,” Alice said in a serious tone. “If there weren’t threats I would have spilled.”

“I’ll give you a threat,” Bette said in a serious tone from behind Alice. “If Tina’s family wouldn’t have been there this morning I would have strangled you with my bare hands.”

“What stunt did she pull?” Shane asked Bette.

“I interrupted their weekend love fest, but only because Tina’s family was here and I had no idea what to do with them.”

“This was your weekend in seclusion wasn’t it?”

“Yes Dana,” Bette plastered a fake smile on her face. “The word ‘was’ is key in that sentence.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get your weekend o’ fun,” Dana said sympathetically. “What are you going to do with them for the entire week?”

“I’m not sure, Donna has a book.”

“I swear they make a book for everything,” Shane said smiling.

“I can’t wait to see the book titled ‘How To Shut Alice Up’. Sure to be a best seller.”

“Let’s hope Donna will buy us all a copy of that book,” Bette said smiling at her friend.

“Funny Dana,” Alice shot her a challenging look ignoring Bette’s follow-up statement. “If I were you Bette I’d work on the book Donna has and figure out a weeks worth of stuff for them to do.”

“She apparently wants to sun her buns in LA,” Shane smiled and got up to meet Tina and her family at the door.

Dana’s hand flew to her mouth upon seeing Donna’s tourist shirt coupled with Capri pants held up with an elastic waistband. She laughed harder when she saw Tina holding a sweatshirt that matched Donna’s shirt.

“Tina has a shirt that says that too?” Dana asked Bette trying to hold her laughter in.

“We both do.”

“Oh this is too good,” Dana snorted trying to mask her laughter from behind her hand.

“You are still too skinny Shane,” Donna held her tight as she stroked Shane’s back.

Donna waved to Dana as she stood back with her arm around Shane’s waist. She allowed her eyes to carefully take in the bustle inside The Planet before walking over to the table and kissing Dana on her cheek.

“How’s my famous tennis player?”

“I’m good,” Dana got up and hugged Donna tight. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

Shane pulled up seats from a nearby table as everyone scooted over and made room for the Kennard family to sit with them.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Bette asked.

Marina approached the table quickly, seeing new guests seated around her friends’ table. She offered a smile as she bent down and kissed Bette on each cheek then extended her hand to Tina’s mother to welcome her.

“Chi potremmo avere qui?”

“Oh my,” Donna held her hand up to her chest. “How very sophisticated.”

“If she starts calling you Geppetto run fast,” Alice whispered to Jackie as she leaned close to her.

“I’m Marina,” Marina kissed Donna on both cheeks eliciting a blush. “And you are?”

“Donna Kennard, Tina’s mother.”

“I can’t imagine you’re old enough to have a daughter Tina’s age,” Marina winked at her and then proceeded to shake hands with the rest of Tina’s family. “Please enjoy anything on the menu as my guests.”

Jackie and James watched Marina walk away with their mouths hanging open. Dana put her index finger under Jackie’s chin and lifted upward, closing her gaping mouth.

“She’s very….” Jackie’s sentence trailed off as she began to focus on her menu.

“Worldly,” Donna finished her daughter’s sentence for her.

“She’s gay James,” Tina laughed seeing her brother watching Marina work behind the counter.

“She’s too…” James struggled with his words. “Predatory for me.”

“Prefer the alpha-art type?”

Alice winced as Shane kicked her under the table. As Alice rubbed her shin, Bette glared at her to offer her a warning, which she knew would likely be ignored.

“So what do you have planned while you’re here?” Dana asked seeing Donna’s book sticking out of her purse.

“I have a lot of things I’d like to do. I’ve been researching this since the day after y’all left home knowing I needed to come and see Tina and you girls.”

Donna pulled her book out of her purse and set it on the table in front of her. She flipped open to the first dog-eared page.

“This was a lot easier to follow than the other book I had when y’all were visiting.”

Tina smiled at Bette who bit her bottom lip to keep from commenting on Donna’s reading material.

“You don’t need a book,” Bette finally spoke up. “We can show you LA and the tourists’ spots.”

“I have very specific things I want to do.”

“Such as?” Tina asked.

“For starters,” Donna began to rattle off her ‘must see’ list rather expediently given the amount of research she had done. “I want to see the Hollywood sign.”

“Always a given,” Alice smiled watching Bette’s face become forlorn.

“I’d love to shop on Rodeo Drive.”

“Wow, need to run home for my chaps to hit Rodeo Drive,” Alice giggled, duplicating Donna’s mispronunciation of the famous area.

“I think you mean Ro-day-oh Drive,” Bette annunciated the appropriate syllables.

“Is that where the stars go?” Donna asked embarrassing Jackie.

“It is,” Bette smiled being patient with Donna.

“It begins at Wilshire Boulevard,” Donna began to read the popular facts from her book. “I’m sure we can’t afford anything on the street, but it would be nice if we ran into some celebrities. We also want to tour your studio Tina, if we can. I brought my autograph book for when we see someone famous.”

Tina shot a questioning look at Jackie who merely nodded to confirm her mother had, indeed, brought her autograph book.

“I was hoping for one particular autograph,” Donna said giddy from the excitement of even thinking about who she wanted to meet. “I know it may seem silly to you girls, but I just love Pat Sajak.”

“From Wheel of Fortune?” Dana sounded shocked.

“We’re more into Vanna,” Shane said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

“She could turn my letters anytime,” Alice added sipping her coffee.

“You shouldn’t make Wheel of Fortune dirty,” Donna scolded.

“That is sacrilegious,” Tina agreed. “It’s a family game show. That being said, he won’t be at my movie studio Mom. We don’t do game shows.”

“He should be in a movie, he’s very handsome.”

“Well he isn’t,” Tina said in a curt tone.

Bette placed her hand on Tina’s thigh under the table to gently calm her down. Bette knew Tina’s shortness was due to her sexual frustration, which wouldn’t be relieved for another week given her family was there and staying at their house.

“I could see Mr. Sajak in a lead role in a movie,” Donna continued with her adoration of Pat Sajak. “I watch the game every night. I’d certainly go see a movie with him staring in it.”

“It will never happen,” Tina muttered as she played with the napkin in front of her.

“I’d like to take a tour of Bette’s gallery.”

“I’d be honored,” Bette smiled at Donna taking an interest in her work.

“Jonathon,” Donna turned the focus on her husband. “You wanted to see a football game didn’t you?”

“I did, the Raiders are my favorite team.”

“We can do that,” Bette muttered as she sipped her coffee.

“It’s been a dream of mine to see them play in person.”

“It’s a straight person thing,” Alice explained without hesitation. “We’ll get you tickets though. I can get them through LA Magazine. Just tell me how many you want.”

“One for each of us I’d imagine,” Jonathon smiled as he looked around the table.

“I don’t know anything about football,” Shane spoke up.

“I know it has sweaty men running around in tight pants,” Alice offered laughing at the look of disdain that crossed Shane’s face.

“I have to train for my match,” Dana smiled knowing she had a viable excuse to skip the game.

“You have a tournament?”

“I do.”

“It’s a good thing I came then,” Donna reached into her purse once more and pulled out another book.

“That bag is like Mary freakin’ Poppin’s bag,” Alice said shocked at what was packed into Donna’s purse.

“It’s a book about the power of positive thought,” Donna explained. “Basically it says that if you think you’ll win the match, you will Dear.”

“This is for me?” Dana hesitantly took the book and plastered a fake smile on her face.

“It will work, not to mention we’ll be in the stands cheering for you!”

“You want to come to my match?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Donna announced proudly. “When is it?”

“In two days.”

“Do we need special tickets?”

“I can give you passes to my friends and family box,” Dana offered hesitantly.

“We really should use the day productively then,” Donna stood up confusing the table with her actions. “We need to get supplies.”

“Supplies?” Tina asked confused.

“For our signs, if we’re sitting in Dana’s box we need a variety of signs to cheer her on. I’ll need glitter, poster board, markers…”

“Did she say poster board?” Dana asked scared.

“And glitter,” Alice smiled as she whispered her response to Dana.

“We’ll have to make the signs at your house Tina,” Donna continued as she gathered her things. “It’s the only place we have room until Natalie gets here.”

“Who?” Alice’s eyes shot open.

“My cousin Natalie,” Tina laughed at Alice’s reaction.

“As in she rented a U-Haul and is on her way to Bev-er-ly?” Alice asked making an offhanded joke about the show ‘Beverly Hillbillies’.

“She’s not coming for you. However she will be staying with you because we don’t have the room to make her comfortable.”

“You have a huge house!”

“Consider it punishment for earlier,” Tina left no doubt that the topic wasn’t up for discussion.

“Well we better get going if we want to hit the art supply store,” Donna urged Tina to her feet. “I’d like to also invite y’all over for a good home cooked meal at Bette and Tina’s. I’ll be doing the cooking.”

“You’re on vacation Mom! We can go out to eat or I’ll cook.”

“Fiddlesticks!” Donna shot back. “Restaurant food isn’t the same and you work hard Honey. I’ll make dinner for everyone.”

“I’ll be there,” Shane hugged Donna and sat back down nursing her double shot.

“Me too, but I’m training so I’ll just bring something light.”

“Nonsense, a family that eats together stays together.”

“Yes Mom,” Dana muttered back knowing better than to argue with Donna Kennard.

“Bette,” Donna caught Bette’s attention quickly. “I think we should hit the Hollywood sign first before the art store so you might want to grab a sweatshirt since it’ll be breezy up there.”

“Oh I’ll be ok in this,” Bette assured Donna as she stood up finishing the last bit of her coffee.

“Nonsense,” Tina said with a sexy smile on her face. “I happened to grab the sweatshirt Mom gave you.”

Bette allowed the look of panic to rise in her face.

“You can put that on.”

“Great idea!” Donna smiled pleased they would all match.

The Kennards walked out ahead of Bette and Tina as they walked hand in hand. Bette leaned over and whispered so only Tina would hear her private thoughts.

“I remember asking a while back for someone to kill me,” Bette muttered. “Did that actually happen and I missed it? This isn’t hell that requires you to wear this kind of sweatshirt?”

“Welcome to the week of sunning your fine ass in LA,” Tina leaned in laughing, kissing Bette’s neck and pulling her close as they walked out of The Planet.