Helena had been up for two hours. After she had fainted on her bed from the blood loss, she woke up from her dreamless sleep. She was thankful for that, because she was tired of her nightmares, which creeped themselves every night into her sleep. And even if she had slept better than the last few nights, she felt exhausted. The emotional strain was tearing on her nerves. So she remained laying in her bed until it was time for everyone to get up.

She was the first and only one in the shower and hurried before someone else came. She didn’t want for the others to see the angry wounds on her wrist. Luck was on her side as she was already fully clothed when the inmates stormed into the narrow space of the showers.

I would be almost time for the guards to come by and escorte those who wanted to go outside in the yard. She feared that time every day anew to suddenly see Ethan standing in front of her cell. In those agonizing 5 minutes her emotions were like on a roller coaster. Her fear would rise measureless until she could make out that it wasn’t him standing there and feel the liberating relief run through her body. Today was no exception. She thanked to whoever might be listening for gratitude over that.

Helena jumped up to the windowsill and sat down on the edge. She observed her inmates through the window. She had noticed that most of them were carefree about their stay in here. They had resigned themselves to this life. In a way that was sad. They surely had a family outside those bars who waited for them to come home if they could ever come home.

As she thought about that her mind wandered to her children. She missed them immensely. She wasn’t sure if they knew where she was. Helena hadn’t seen them in a long time and if they knew she was in jail, they at least wouldn’t think that she forgot them. That would hurt her if her children thought that their mother forgot them or hadn’t time for them or even worse don’t want to see them anymore.

But on the other hand if they knew she was in here, what would they think about her? Would they see her forever as a criminal? Would they love her less than before? Somehow she didn’t know what she would prefer for them to know.