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    No Strings Attached, No Hearts Broken (Part 2 of 3)

    Story written on February 4, 2008 by hbemis.
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    48 votes, average: 3.27 out of 548 votes, average: 3.27 out of 548 votes, average: 3.27 out of 548 votes, average: 3.27 out of 548 votes, average: 3.27 out of 5 (48 votes, average: 3.27 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 3
    Words: 3561
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=68518
    Author Notes:

    A heartbroken Alice (yes, Tasha dumped her) presents her new philosophy on love and dating to a newly recoupled BETTE and TINA and to SHANE (newly frustrated by a librarian who won’t return her affections).

                                                            ALICE     

                 Ok. Ok. I’m next. I wanna make one last toast…

    [Shane, Bette, and Tina raise their glasses to toast.]

                                                                TINA    

                  Alice, you said that six toasts ago. We’re running out of wine.

    [Tina motions to Bette and Bette hides the last unopened bottle of wine under the table.]

                                                                ALICE (cont.) 

                 …ok, here it is: here it is. You ready?

                                                                TINA

                                                    (Whispers to Shane.)

                Is she drunk?

                                                                SHANE

                                                    (Whispering to Tina and Bette.)

                She’s half past shitfaced.

                                                                ALICE

                Hey! People, I’m toasting here. Ok, here it goes: No strings attached

    and no hearts broken!

    [Alice does a little happy arm dance and downs a glass of wine.]

                                                                SHANE

                I’ll drink to that. Slow down sailor.

                                                                BETTE

    No strings attached? No hearts broken? I’ll give you this much Alice, without a doubt, that was the most coherent thing you’ve said in the past three hours, but a little clarity would be nice.

                                                                ALICE

    It’s my new life philosophy. The code of Alice. No more fuckin’

    heartaches; no more dead lovers; no more officer and a gentlemen

    dumping me.….

                                                    SHANE

                                        (Under her breath.)

    Here it comes.

                                                    ALICE

    I’ve decided to go on a dating spree. Yes, here it comes. Ms. Shane “I’m losing my fucking mind over a librarian with a crooked bun on her head who won’t get it on with me so I have to call her every three seconds McCutchin.”

                                                    SHANE

    Alice, I said I wasn’t ready to talk about her yet.

                                                    BETTE

    Clearly you’re in pain over Tasha but…

                                                    ALICE

    It’s not just pain, Bette. It’s fuckin’ Tasha pain. And fuckin’ Dana pain. And wait who else stepped on my heart, chewed it up and spit it out pain. (pause). I’m sorry Bette that none of my exes loved me enough to want to get back with me and remarry me like you and Tina.  Apparently, I’m not that lucky.

                                                    TINA

    She didn’t mean it like that Alice. We just want you to be….

                                                    ALICE

    Happy. I know. So, that’s what I plan to be – the happy one. Thus my….

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