Bette sat by the pool but like so much of her time lately she was lost in thought and memory of the hazel eyed woman who possessed her soul.  It was beginning to dawn on her that she was not going to be able to keep up the pretense much longer.  It seemed that all she did was yearn for the woman.  She had tried over the years to let her go to stop wanting her with every breath. 

No one knew how much she still loved and wanted Tina.  Alice, Shane and Kit would always want to believe, or hope as she did that somehow this amazing love was not lost forever.  She did not bother to compare other women to Tina, not even Jodi.  She knew that what she shared with Tina was unique in her life the way that nothing other than their daughter Angelica was. 

Tina was in a class all by herself. 

Was there a chance?  It was starting to feel out of control.  Tina was saying things so casually that it made her head spin.  Tina said that she still loved her.  Tina said that she missed this, her?  Tina said she would choose her over the boring man any day.   Tina was back in her life.  They were talking; every now and then they had a real conversation.  Every now and then she fell a little deeper in love with her ex. 

Tina confessed moments of jealousy as she first got together with Jodi, complained about the way Bette looked at Jodi like she used to look at her.  How could Tina not see that her eyes only ever saw her?  She had a good poker face.  People often misread her; she used it to her advantage because most of the time people’s conclusions did not matter to her.

The idea that Tina could be fooled concerned her.  Had they lost that elemental connection?  Or did Tina not feel what she continued to despite all of her struggles to move on.  She knew that she could love again.  She loved Jodi but was not in love with her.  She had never had a problem since her young days simply appreciating good sex. 

Tina had changed all that for her.  She was quite frankly ruined for any other woman.  Tina was her match – mind, body and soul.  Jodi challenged her and made her fight for every inch in the relationship they were building but to where?  They were embroiled series of skirmishes that in the final analysis meant nothing.  She could win or Jodi could win but what had they won? She was fighting the perceptions of Tina and Jodi was fighting something that Bette did not try to figure out.  She liked Jodi but she was not Tina and ‘the heart wants what the heart wants’.

It was so hard to accept that Tina might have moved on, gotten over her.  What she wondered was she going to do with this lost hope?