Window of Opportunity

Chapter 15

Previously:

“Definitely. Go kiss your daughter goodbye.” We walked to where Angie sat at her little table looking through a book. I hugged and kissed her telling her I would see after two more sleeps. She was much more interested in the snack that Tina offered her but walked me to the door. I hugged her again and then hugged Tina before I walked out the door somewhat upset about Shana but sending out silent thanks for a perfect weekend.

Tina’s Bedroom

      Diary Entry

Today could only be described as wonderful. When I woke up, I was not thinking such thoughts. I was nervous about going to brunch with Bette, Alice and Shane because I wasn’t sure how well Bette was going to be able to restrain herself. Bette has always shown how much she loves me in hugs, kisses, caresses, and smoldering looks. I’m just not ready for that and I feared that she was going to put me in a situation that I had to reprimand her and I didn’t want that. I was afraid that our customary kiss would not be enough but she was great. I was the one who took her hand as I saw her go into emotional overload thinking about Dana not being with us any longer. She totally respected my wishes and not only was I thankful but I was also able to glimpse the Bette that I fell in love with so many years ago. Bette always tried to make me feel comfortable in situations. When I was still coming out, she respected my hesitancy in regards to affection in public. She never put pressure on me nor did she every expect anything. In those moments that I felt comfortable, she took what I offered and appreciated it. Until it seems that she forgot or we forgot and I no longer felt such comfort with her. Today though, I did and I realize little by little that I miss being loved by Bette. I miss the charismatic chameleon  that is Bette. She has always been able to adapt to any environment and win over the masses with her charm.

When Angie and I left The Planet, I took a few minutes with Shane. She asked if I was ok with things and I honestly told her that I’m confused. I admitted to her that I love Bette but that love scares me because of our past and that fear was overwhelming me. Knowing already what Bette had told her, I did not elaborate too much but Shane knows me too well. She told me that Bette would always be Bette, with her beauty and brains but also with her faults. I love her completely and that means also loving her when she lets those faults overshadow her. Forgiving was only mine to give and if I couldn’t forgive her completely, I may as well just tell her goodbye. Shane pointed out to me that all of WeHo knows of our past and I could not let fear of what others think dictate what I may do nor could I let Angie being here play a part. I have to decide whether Bette and I get together because I want that and not let fear that someone else may have her heart if I pass it up make me want to get with her. I can honestly say that all that Shane pointed out to me were things that I have thought of but it was good to hear it from someone else. Bette and I will have to talk about it but at least, I know that she is trying so hard to listen and communicate with me. I’m not afraid to have the conversation with her.