Letting out a deep breath I look at Jodi as I continue, “When we first started seeing each other, I think you were more aware than I was that everything between Tina and I was to some degree still somewhat raw.  As we spent more time together, I think that I got wrapped up in that alluring and very addictive feeling of someone desiring me; the “newness” if you will.  It felt good and although I realize now that Tina going back to men didn’t have anything to do with me, at least not in the sense that I thought….at the time my self-esteem was still pretty low, and your direct approach with me was like a life raft when I was floundering.”

“Looking back at everything now, I realize that although our attraction was strong, I went from one strained relationship to another.  I’d spent the last several months, well really the past few years, having most attempts I made at emotional or physical intimacy put off till another time, rejected or just flat out ignored.  You were up front about your attraction to me from the beginning, leaving no room for me to doubt how you felt.  But as great as the physical pull is between us, a relationship can’t survive on that alone.  Ours has certainly not been a one-dimensional relationship, but I think that aspect and my fear that I didn’t give my all to this had me pursuing more than what I really should have.” 

“What I’m trying to say through all my rambling is, I don’t want you to have any doubts with how I felt…with how I feel about you.  While we may not be a right fit for each other to have as a girlfriend, we could be friends, if you’re open to that idea….I think outside of and above everything else, you and I could have a great friendship?”

Pausing to gather my strength to finish what I started, “There’s one other thing that I need to tell you.” 

While I may have never answered Jodi when she asked me to not break her heart, and thus never promised it, I can’t help the tug at my own heart of what I’m about to tell her.