Window of Opportunity

Chapter 43

Tina

When I walked into Dan’s office I was in a good mood because I was excited about how much Alice and I had accomplished and what I was planning for Bette. When I got to Dan’s we had such a nice talk about the direction that Bette and my relationship was going. I didn’t anticipate it going downhill so quickly but Dan then decided to question everything that I told him about my parents. The more that he and I talked the more upset I became. I was being forced to examine things that I didn’t want to examine. I was examining things about myself and my motives.

I know therapy is supposed to challenge you and to say that Dan challenged me would be an understatement. As we began talking about my parents and the lies they told me, I became angry at them, at myself, at Dan for asking me, at Bette for supporting me….the list went on and on. Dan reined me in though and I focused on just the lie and the reasons that led to the lies. I understood my pain when I found out about Bette’s affair and could only imagine my mother, young and pregnant losing her husband to a homosexual life. It must have crushed her and being from a small town, her life experiences probably had in no way prepared her for something like that. My own reaction to Bette’s affair allowed me to put some perspective on how Mom and Daddy responded to Luke’s situation and how they handled it with me. My ability to put myself in their place and know the pain I’ve experienced is why I can take the lie they’ve told me and not allow it to destroy my desire to have a relationship with them.

Questioning whether I was weak was a valid question. Depending on how the situation was looked at the person on my end could either be considered to be strong or weak. Dan questioned me to see where I was mentally and I think as I passionately argued my position, he as well as I was able to see that my strength is not in doubt.

Being asked if I was using Angie probably hurt the most. In all that I’ve experienced with losing and regaining Bette, Angie has been the best that has come out of it. I would put my life on the line to protect her from any and all. My parents definitely are not exempt from that. Angie is the best part of me and the fact that she may not resemble me means nothing to me but does to some on the outside looking in. Not knowing my parents any longer, I needed them to understand that Angie was not an accident. She was a thought out conception with the donor specifically picked knowing that she would be biracial. If that were of issue to them they needed to voice that opinion before they ever stepped out of their house. I was not sending them pictures in hopes that they would fall in love with the idea of being grandparents. I was sending them pictures so that they could see in Beggs, NC if we were to ever visit, they would take their biracial grandchild to the store with them and have people look at them. I’ve become used to the stares and the opinion that Angie is adopted. It hurts at times that Bette gets more recognition as her mother but it’s what our life is. My parents have not been a part of that process and need to begin it.