Angelica Kennard

Hello! I am Angelica Kennard, also known as Angie. I guess you guys all know me as the daughter of the most fabolous couple ever? Bette Porter and Tina Kennard? Does it ring a bell?

I must tell you that I am not pleased. I am not pleased at all. I guess you all know why that is. For those who don’t, I’ll tell you.

I’m just sick of all that stuff between mama B and mama T. I don’t understand why they can’t just hook up together. It is clear they belong together, they are like mean to be. So what is it that they’re always doing something that hurts the other? So it is all destroyed again? I mean, you can have that for some time, but it has to come to an end.

The thing is, we all know that in the end they’ll be a happy family with me. Streching the struggle so long is not cool. It’s not even funny anymore, like they keep screwing it up. I have feelings too, you know. I would like my mommies to be together right now!

I seriously don’t need that Jodi person. I mean, she may be a good person and all, but she keeps my mommies away from each other! And to be honest, I don’t really like Jodi. But don’t tell anyone. She’s just this artist kinda person, you know, stubborn, always trying to get what she wants, and thinking she is like special. Because she’s an artist. And she’s deaf. And gay.

That big jellyfish, Henry, is also getting on my nerves. He has to keep his hands off my mommy! He is so stupid. The bloke didn’t even know Lily Tomlin was gay! Can you imagine that? Than he has the guts to say she isn’t! Well, I’m sorry, but if my earth mother Alice, Shane and mama B say she is, she just is. And even I know it. That makes him officially stupid and arrogant. Ugh, he’s just disgusting. Mama T deserves so much better than that!

Luckily, mama T can see it won’t work with him, so they stop seeing each other. Great! Everybody cheers, the world is a better place. If mama B would be so gentle to cut it off with Jodi, they can be back together and we get to enjoy cute scenes between those two. Cute, I said. Not baby – honey – darling stuff, just cute. Couplish.

I mean, when are they gonna get back together? In a million years? And their affair, I don’t like it. I want them to be out and proud. Jeez, what is wrong with those people?

I just want to sit home in between mama B and mama T and have a good time. It would also be nice if they earn a lot of money so I can have an easy life. But I just want them together first, than I’ll see about the money.

All that independence crap, really. Get over yourselves, ladies! If they could just go out there and say that they love each other, they would make so many people happy. Not only me, but also the fans. I am seriously considering going to Ilene and slap her if she goes on with it any longer. Is it such a hard sentence to write?

Bette Porter and Tina Kennard walk through town, arm in arm, clearly loving each other.

Okay, when that is solved, one last thing. I don’t like my surname. I am the daughter of a Porter and a Kennard, so why do I get Kennard? That reminds me of canard, which means duck in French. Duck. It wasn’t mama T’s choice, but they could at least have called me Porter if they have two names to choose from.