Chapter Eight

Bette Porter narrative

I didn’t know why I had said yes. I wanted to stay away from Tina, but I wanted to be with her. To tell you the truth, she scared me. I had been so determined not to like her at all, to make her clear there was no way she could take Fiona’s place. Not in class taking her seat and not in my life.

I kissed Billy a lot and he seemed very happy that I was so devoted to him. He had no idea. He thought we had gone through a bad period and that now, we were going upwards again. He still had the idea of marrying me, being the father of my kids, spend the rest of his life with me.

In a way, that was still what I wanted. It just felt like that was what I was supposed to do: stick with Billy and lead my life with him. I just didn’t think I could go from Billy’s Girl to Billy’s Wife without feeling sad about it. I wanted to be someone on my own.

I thought I knew what love was. I thought that what I had with Billy was the real thing. Girls were jealous of me for dating such a sweet, handsome guy. The girls loved him, the boys looked up at him. He was an inspiration to so many and he could have any girl, and yet he sticked with me.

There has been such a long time I couldn’t understand where I had deserved to be this lucky. As if he had choosen me out of thousands. That made me outstanding to many people. So I had my own fan club, but I knew they would drop me as soon as I broke up with Billy, half of them to chase after the guy. Not that I cared a shit.

Everyone treated me like I was a princess, just because I was with Billy. When I was at my own, nobody cared. I didn’t feel like I had real friends, friends who would be at my side even if they didn’t always agree with me.

I was jealous of Tina’s indepence. She didn’t need anybody. She came along with Shane and Dana, who seemed to be the only girls at school who didn’t treat me differently. I loved them for that, they didn’t even know I knew who they were.
I think many people had the idea I was some kind of bitch, only talking to people who were special and interesting. So I only attracted people who thought they were special and interesting.