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The Dying of the Light Part 10
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The shadow follows, whispering into her ear.
“You’re not good enough.”
“You’re not needed.”
“They’ll be better off without you.”
There is a single second where she believes, she hopes and prays that the voice lies. But why would a lie follow her. The truth always hurts more then a lie. It cuts deep like glass into a vein.
The shadow has friends that visit in the night, that take the form of the those that she loved – she tried to love. They tell her everything. Every truth that shows her as Chimera.
They speak so loud that they drown each other out, a base line of white noise that is broken by that of her ex – the woman she promised eternity. Her voice and accusations cut to the bone.
**********
“We really need to talk Bette, no recriminations, just talk.” Tina implored soothingly, relaxing back on the lounge hoping that her posture would help relax Bette.
“It’s always about what you need, when you need it. Did you think I don’t fucking need this?”
“And where you, the great and mighty Bette Porter, when I needed you?” A breath, “that’s right, you were fucking the hired help.”
“And you shut me out long before that Tina. I wont be punished for something you swore you had forgiven me for!” Bette raged, tightening her hands in fists.
“I lied!”
“I know.” Bette responded, resigned. She knew she could never be forgiven. People have only ever remembered the bad about her, maybe she just didn’t do anything good. “I don’t know why you came, maybe it was for closure. I’d like to think it wasn’t too…” She trailed off, not want to voice her suspicions. “Can I just spend some time with Angel?” She swallowed, tears stinging her eyes. “I would just like too… before you take.” A breath. “I mean… I know that you don’t want me in her life, and I understand, but I just want to hold her for awhile.” And right now, that was the only thing she craved.
Bette’s mood swings were starting to worry Tina. She would be accommodating, angry then depressed in a matter of moments. She’d never known Bette to be so up and down before and wasn’t sure how to approach her. “Sure you can, that’s why we came.” Tina explained, smiling.
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Just catching up on the last few chaps. WOW! This is so sad. I feel so bad for Bette. She’s fighting a losing battle with herself. Her body may heal, but her mind will be the death of her. She needs help and fast! Tina and the girls have got to get through to her quickly before it’s too late. Tina still loves her and needs to snap out of her selfish mode and think of Bette for a change. Tina just needs to talk and get on with it. PPS! I’m addicted to this story. :)
My goodness, Bette really needs to see a therapist immediately so she can stop thinking as she is doing. She is in a severe depression and only a psychiatrist can help her now. Of course, Tina can also help by letting her see the baby when she wants to, and since Tina was just with Joyce, I can only assume it was to proceed with the adoption process which would help Bette and her problems immensely. Great chapter. PPS
My goodness, Bette really needs to see a therapist immediately so she can stop thinking as she is doing. She is in a severe depression and only a psychiatrist can help her now. Of course, Tina can also help by letting her see the baby when she wants to, and since Tina was just with Joyce, I can only assume it was to proceed with the adoption process which would help Bette and her problems immensely. Great chapter. PPS
Just read all l0 chapters, good story..I don’t think I’ve ever seen Bette so lost; get her some help!
Bette definitly needs help. Tina needs to let her know that she plans on making her a permanent part of Angie’s life.
Bette needs professional help AND support from family and friends – and quick.
This Bette needs to get a grip on her life…and I hope it comes soon with help from Tina and Angie. pps
Hello My Beautiful Dee… upon waking up from my rest I find something so powerful and so beautiful it hurts… you are completely outstanding… firstly if a Belena from you would be ‘masterful’ but I so love your Bette… yes I think Bette is suffering from depression… but more then needing some professional help she needs someone to finally once and for all say and mean the words ‘I love you’ once upon a time maybe that was Tina… and it can be again… Tina has to finally admit and fully feel those words if Bette is going to heal… Bette is so full of love… and passion that it spills out uncontrolled… and then we get her rage… with some help from her family… with some well placed brush strokes to canvas I believe Bette will find her way home… to being the ever so brilliant and powerful and yet vulnerable Bette Porter we all love… she can be strong and sassy and still be shy and selfless… you my amazing friend are just that… AMAZING… you keep my mind open and my soul filled with your beautiful words emotions and spirit… love and hugs, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and ever so proud Cuzzie to the brilliant and delicate Eunichick)
Bette, sounds and is acting like a very depressed person, only professional help will help her realize this and work her way out of it!
For a controlled person to not have control is very dangerous
Our Bette shows a side to the world that is strong and very alpha, She is so insecure and on the verge now of a breakdown. We know that Angie and Tina can do the most for her. Her friends are there for her. Tina and Angie are the main ones/ she does need help but will her stubborness stop her from getting this. Love your Tina in this thanks
Deean, the way you are describing all the internal turmoil that Bette has is so poignant and painful. We love how you are exteriorizing her demons through the strokes and colours she applies to the canvas. There is a lot of symbolism there. Bette wanting to vanish is just a sample of the dark place she is in and it will require more than professional help to pull her out. Her low self esteem seems to have triggered a lot of uncertainties Bette has hidden throughout the years. She will have to deal with them, but she also requires the love and caring of her friends and her lost family. You are doing an excellent job here. Now we need to know more about Tina. Why she lost her perspective and now she seems not to recognize the woman she lived with during 7 years. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks.- Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)
Wake up Tina – get over yourself Bette really needs you right now. Can’t wait for more of this bittersweet story.
Bette is really depress, hitting a low point it helps to have Tina and Angelica around, friends and Kit too but only Bette can bring Bette out, she has to feel that she is worthy of herself..