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No Me Ames; #04
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My home seemed empty and lifeless without Bette’s presence. My footsteps echoed through the empty house as I walked into our bedroom. I collapsed onto the soft sheets of our bed, exhaustion taking over my system. I felt so incredibly tired and consumed with worry.
As much as I was relieved that Bette was alright, I couldn’t stop my imagination from running wild. My tears fell again as I let out my pain openly, glad that no one could witness my vulnerable moment alone. Bette was my entire world and I loved her more than I loved life itself. I couldn’t imagine my world without her as part of it.
Yet now, all I could do was play the waiting game and try to be strong for the both of us.
***
“It feels so good to be home,” Bette said, looking up at me from her wheelchair as I rolled her through our front door. I smiled at her; having her home was comforting.
“Thank you for taking such good care of me,” she continued, reaching up to pull my face close to hers so that she could kiss me.
I looked at her, unable to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. “Hey,” she said playfully, noticing the sadness that glimmered through my tears, “What did I say about no tears?”
I quickly stood up and wiped them away, “I’m just…happy to have you home, baby.”
“Tell me about it,” Bette replied, stretching, “I hate hospitals, being cooped up in there for so long made me feel sicker than I really am.”
I threw her a tight-lipped grin as I helped her onto the sofa, grabbing her crutches and setting them down beside her, “Anything special you might want for dinner?” I asked, trying to divert the topic.
“I’m alright with whatever you decide to whip up, baby,” she replied, smiling at me before she turned to fiddle with the television remote.
The past few days were spent mostly at the hospital with Bette and being home now helped me to forget the worries that were nagging at the back of my mind. Bette had been unusually optimistic for someone who had the high-risk of contracting HIV, but a part of me knew that as much as she was afraid and worried, the last thing she would want was for her own feelings of apprehension to affect me. We were trying to be strong for each other.
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Wow, Euni! So well written. Helena seems really lost in the depths of her fear. Bette is showing amazing strength – particularly during their discussion of what is all might mean to them. Adding a baby to the mix certainly creates very raw and mixed emotions. I hope your leap of faith is able to lead the characters out of this potential darkness.
Please please please, I don’t usualy comment but this time I am because it hurts toomuch to let them go through that please giveussomething to dream of please
This is an interesting story. I think you have stepped out of the box, and I for one like it. The reality is that some people live everyday with this disease. Whatever direction you decide, good or bad, you took the leap.Great job!!!
I nearly started to cry while I was reading this chapter, i feel so sad for Bette =( … your writing is amazing, i love it, keep up the great work =D
I agree with kena01. I don’t know how to feel. And I’m not sure how I would take it IF Bette dies. I’m just not ready for that. This is a very complicated web, the one you are weaving, my dear E. I have faith in you.
I’m sorry, kena. I didn’t mean to get your name wrong. Sorry! Forgive me?
i don’t know how to feel…happy that Helena’s pregnant, sad that Bette did get infected. It will be hard but I know Bette and Helena will be there for each other
OK..living with HIV is very possible. I would love to see that in your story, not gloom and doom. With the with treatment, AIDS can be held off for years. This is a great way to tell people you can live with HIV, there are challenges, but you can live with it, and live a full life. Great that Hels is pregnant. PPS
I don’t know what to say, I feel crushed because you let my Bette be HIV positive but on the otherhand there are ways to have a life with HIV just as vampy said. I do hope you will portray that kind of story and won’t bring us a dark drama filled one. Glad to hear/read Hel’s is indeed preggie I only hope you’re not gonna let her miscarry because of all the stress they have been going through.
I read in your author note that this is your leap of faith. Well I will hold you to this. Right now the hardiest part of this is accepting the fact that she did get it. Shock and anger is well on it’s way! But there are alot of people who do live with it, and manage to live a productive life. HIV is not a death sentence. I guess it would just be a change in life. I have only know of two people close to me who did get it. So I can say this is a truly bittersweet story for me. I’m holding out hope that the title of your story will not imitate the song or the video. This indeed is an excellent chapter!
wow…great job…but now I am sad…as others have written, I am sure you will focus on how folks can live strong, long and productive lives with HIV. Looking forward to the update.
E, you sure do know how to have good and bad new done at the sametime. I look at this as real life becuase it does happen and many couples stay together no matter what, but there are many who can’t take the pressure of one being with HIV. Now with Helena being pregnant things will get more stressful for them both cause of the possibilities of life and death again at the sametime. Great chapter E!
Wow the mixture of good and seriously bad news fills the air.How can something good happen at the wrong time and everything change prespective…Im seriously ill over this euni…as tears fill my eyes it makes me think what if?Its hard to escape those moments as you want for it to go away. I am sad that Bette has something so serious and how do you overcome this hurdle I for one could never even begin how this would effect their relationship giving the current circumstance of Helena being pregnant. Will they fall apart because of this or remain stonger as one unity?Damn it i think i should stop reading before i myself fall apart…due to my own thoughts and personal circumstances not as dramatic but sure does knock you down a peg or two
It amazes me that such a beautiful construct of words can leave me feeling such anguish! Oh the utter and exquisite talent you have!!!
Hello My Beautiful Dragonfly… “I leave with no regrets.” That has been my motto for so long in my life… it has been the one constant never to go to sleep with regrets for you can’t control the world and each day gives birth to a new one… I can so understand Helena’s reluctance to accept that this is actually happening… that she might find herself losing a part of her soul… but in the end it might just be passed onto that beautiful creature drifting away inside of Helena… that bittersweet ending… where we suffer an ultimate loss but find ourselves compounded with an eternal ‘love’ that is what this feels like… I just finished watching Seven Pounds and let me say if you haven’t seen it you should cause that is what this story is about… how far would you go for the one you love? You are absolutely amazing my beautiful Cuzzie… completely and unfathomably inspiring and beautiful, Love and Hugs, always and forever, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and YOUR ever loving Cuzzie)
I have to add to everyone’s comments that HIV is now threated as a chronic disease. One comment that I should have made is that Bette would have been put on meds with the exposure to prevent conversion. Prevention is not 100% but is does cut the rate down…Now back to the story. As usual, your words flow. I think this is a happy time in the Porter-Peabody family. Bette needs to accept her fate and follow her doctor’s advice. They need to practice safer sex. And they need to get ready for the really big challenge of bringing a baby into the mix. Their life as they know it will probably be more disrupted by the baby that the HIV…Brave topic to take on but baby will soon enough be bigger challenge. Looking forward to next post and what ever pain you take us through. Please don’t let Helena lose this baby. Knowing you, Eunichicki-Wicky, you will bring on this pain for us and our girls. PPS
i really hope that Bette’s test was a false positive. i don’t think i can read on knowing that Bette was just hit with a death wish.