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The Dying of the Light Part 18
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Cold.
Alone.
Fear.
We live with people, who often don’t even know us. They can’t, not really. There is always something that we are hiding, that we are Unwilling to share; desires, pains, fears.
Always hiding.
Protecting.
Alone.
So far away, yet you can touch. Feel the silky softness. The cold lifelessness.
Feel, but never to speak.
Hold but never to breathe.
Be with, but to never truly be whole. Together.
We are all alone, and the sooner we figure it out the happier we will be.
**********
Tina gently picked up Angelica. She knew that she should let her sleep, but she needed to hold her. To hold onto something living, something that was a part of the woman that she loved and pushed away. A woman that she had hurt beyond measure.
Tina couldn’t believe that Bette would even think about suicide, it wasn’t something that she had ever attributed to the strong woman. She was the one with the panic attacks. Depression. The slow decent into hell that was always diverted by Bette.
A touch.
A kiss.
Hug. Love. Sex.
No, it was never just sex. Even angry. Especially the most painful, raw and violent sexual encounter she had ever experienced. It wasn’t sex, it was pain. Love in the most powerful and passionate form.
Bette just couldn’t let go. She knew that now. There was a connection that Bette always claimed to have with her. One that she had never had. Feared to have.
Tina couldn’t let go either.
The expressed their innermost demons in each other that night. Their fear, their hurt. All emotional until they made them physical. Unlike Tina, Bette didn’t fight back. She accepted every bite, slap and kick like it was a balm on herself. A penance for her crime. The redemption she would never allow herself to feel.
Was this the first time that Bette had been so low, so afraid?
No. Tina remembered years ago talking with Kit and Bette about their childhood’s. About who they were when they were teenagers. Both Kit and Tina had rebelled, both had rebelled in different ways. Bette had not.
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Oh no you didn’t stop there
wow..I really don’t know what to say..except that I am holding onto hope that this is a dream..PPS
I’m going to have to go with resultsonly and hope that they resuscitated Bette and she is in recovery. Great writing. Very sad but things like this do happen. PPS
OMG…you are killing me. I just want the light to come back to all of them. You are amazing and so it this story. pps
Hello My Beautiful Dee… How tender a little angel can be for a soul in pain… the way you have captured both Tina and Angelica is so much magic… and so healing… she is quite lucky to have such an angel to hug… I love the fact that Tina is finally seeing just how deep this runs… how much pain her beautiful strong ‘wife’ was truly feeling… that scene you painted about Bette being beaten that was so visceral so intense… there is just so much within this one chapter that captures my soul… the feeling of helplessness that Alice is feeling… the fears the loss the need for release… you have captured something so strong and so very powerful my beautiful Dee… the intensity and the passion you have sheltered within is just incredible… and thank you for allowing me an outlet to finally accept and remember the pains of life and hold them closely… you are completely amazing… be talking to you soon, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and ever loving Cuzzie to the ever talented Eunichick)
my mouth is still hanging open. i cant believe it. maybe the doc told them that they had managed to bring her back. wow, i just cant believe it…
Hello My Beautiful Dee… I just wanted you to know that you are handling both the characters and the subject matter beautifully… you take such an investment of yourself within your words and your story and you never have should worry as long as you are doing your own soul justice that is all that matters… you are incredibly brave and incredibly inspiring… love and hugs, JC
Dearest Deean: We are still in shock, you know? Hahaha But that is exactly what you do with your brilliant writing. You pull lots of emotions out of us, while reading this intense material. Gosh! Alice despair, Tina crying, while holding Angie close, apologizing for taking her away from her momma B, made our hearts shrink. Keep it coming, dearest friend. You are doing an excellent job. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks – Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)
I’m numb and in shock…and waiting for you to reveal what you’ve done with Bette. Grief and loss touches all our lifes — this story certainly reminds us to cherish the moments (even the difficult ones) because you never know how many you will have.
WTF… tell me u r posting soon.. like real soon…
Mercy, your clif hangers are almost too much to bear. I’m assuming that it was Alice at the door. OR, is this story being told in flashback and it is Bette at the door? I’m gonna have to go back and read from the very beginning. The last paragraph and the last sentence doesn’t make sense otherwise. Great sad chapter. PPS
ok, I have to say you’ve made me cry again. I’m hoping and praying you are really not going to let Bette die. You just can’t! please, please don’t let that happen. This is just so heart breaking…they all have had so much pain in their lives. They just need to find a way back to not only each other, but to themselves. One can’t go on without the other. With the help of friends and doctors I know they can make it back together. This is just so painful to read…I don’t know how much more I can take. PPS…waiting days is killing me.
You know you are killing us all slowly with all of these cliffies, don’t you? This is an incredible story, very painful to read, but important. We all have people in our lives that we could/should pay more attention to. People who need a friend, or just to be reminded that they matter, and someone cares about them. This story has made me reach out to some of those people in my life, and for that I am extremely grateful.
since they didnt let the doctor finish is it possible that bette some how survived? is she dreaming, flashback? oh bugger u and these cliffhangers, :)PPS
this is powerful and so sad.brings back memories for me. .i had a friend in high school that committed suicide and I remember everyone around me including me kept thinking why or if we ever saw the signs…You are pulling all the cliff threads huh..I hope Bette pulls thru..hoping that doc is saying yes we lost her in the ambulance but brought her back..
Bette is not dead. She just isn’t. I can’t imagine who it is on the porch, but I don’t really care. I want to know that Bette is alive! I am glad Tina is finally starting to realize all the pain Bette has been in and how taking the baby from her tore Bette’s heart out, but I have to say, it is SOP for Tina to tell someone else, anyone else, anything she should be telling Bette. Not that Bette would hear her now, but it just is so Tina to express apologies to the one person to whom her words would mean nothing.But at least Tina is getting a glimpse, good job,…and Deean?? Bette is gonna live! Right! right?