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No Me Ames; #07
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I held her head in my hands, looking deeply into her eyes, “My life would be more miserable without you in it. This is you and me, for always. No matter what happens, Bette, I love you,” I said, placing her hand gently onto my stomach, “You are my life…you are my insides.”
She smiled through her tears, holding onto me tightly and kissing my neck, “I’m sorry I hurt you…I’m sorry I pushed you away.”
“Its ok, baby,” I replied, as my tears began to flow from my eyes, “Its ok…I love you.”
“I love you…”
“I will never leave you, no matter what, we’re in this together. Right up the moon and back, remember?”
She wrapped her arms around me tighter, “Yes, baby, right up to the moon and back.”
***
I was awoken from my sleep in the middle of the night by sounds coming from the bathroom. I pushed the covers aside and glanced at the clock which stood ticking on my bedside table.
Three-thirty in the morning.
I squinted my eyes and walked towards the bathroom door, slowly swinging it open to find Bette hung over the toilet-bowl, her nightgown drenched with perspiration. Her face was pale as she sat down onto the floor, wiping her face violently with the towel she was holding as she gasped for air.
I quickly ran a small towel under some warm running water and walked over to help clean her face.
“Are you ok, baby?” I asked worriedly, “Do you need me to get anything for you?”
She shook her head and looked at me, moving to hold me close to her. She rested her face against my chest, her breathing slowly becoming steady.
“I’m fine,” she coughed, “It’s just the medication, it’s making me nauseous.”
“Do you want a glass of water?”
“It’s ok,” she replied, “Just…just stay here with me a while.”
I held onto her hand as I watched her close her eyes, coughing and trying to catch her breath. I stroked her hair which was slightly damp and dropped a kiss on her head.
No one would ever see this side of suffering; and I would never let anyone know how much it pained me to see my Bette, the strong woman that everyone knew her as, in this vulnerable weakened state because of this irreversible fate.
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And I thought the last chapter was gut-wrenching…sheez Euni… I was completely shocked. After she had just seen the ultrasound of her unborn child to contemplate such an act is beyond frightening. She needs help — I hope they join a couples support group or something.
Once again I’m at work reading this post and my Gawd, this is becoming very interesting.
Maybe Bette and Helena need to join a HIV support group. I just hope all this stress doesn’t cause Helena to lose the baby.
Hello My Most Beautiful Cuzzie… Oh how you handle the emotional spectrum with such grace… from the tenderness of holding ones hair back to the sheer pain of desperation that Bette has shown here at the end you have unwaveringly shown the exhaustion that such tragic events might cause a family… the sheer deterioration of one resolve and the reinforcement of another’s… both Bette and Helena have such trying battles to fight and you have honestly and flawlessly kept at them… like lightning you keep hitting us with your emotional charges… you are completely amazing… love and hugs, always and forever, JC (Latin Nephew to those salsa Angels and your ever loving Cuzzie)
OMG poor BETTE, poor Helena… that’s so freaking SAD but sooo amazing at the same time… can’t wait for more =D
*gasp* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow…thank you so much. Once agian, you have it right on. The side effects make you wonder if it is all worth it. Anyone who goes thru a disease that meds give those kinds of effects, knows what I am talking about. You are giving voice to a silent suffering few, thank you. It is not only the physical, but the mental and emotional takes its toll on you. Your ending, is spot on..hopefully your words will have Hels pull her back. PPS
Gosh eunibaby what are you doing? Can this get any worse? I sure hope Helena can kick that razor out of Bette’s hands, the last thing they need is Bette slashing her wrists.
thank you for this story. You write it so well and I’m sure it is not easy to write. Thanks again
I guess she now at that stage “I just want to die.” I’m not sure if some tough love is needed, but at this moment I don’t think it could hurt. This disease was slam into her without a warning. Her health does not only affect her, but all the people that she’s around. And ending your life has never fixed a problem. You just leave others to pick up the pieces. Life is worth fighting for and it can at times be a struggle. Bette is just scared. And sometimes when we get to that point, giving up is quite easy to do. It’s time for her to get around people who are in the same boat as her. She’s need to know she is not alone. This disease has no cure at the moment, but it can be somewhat control. And stress can make any disease a whole lot worst. Plus Helena also need to remind her that she knocked her up, and she will not get off that easy. Okay I’m finish. But all in all this was an excellent chapter.
E what can I say that the others have not,,,,,,you have written a wonderful chapter with much pain on both parts of the women. Nothing is easy especially when you have a disease such as AIDS or HIV that makes you think about having intimacy,using utinsels and so many other things we take for granted. I just hope that Helena has enough left in her to get Bette to stop and see what she is doing is the cowardly way out and not fight for what she does have,,,,,a wife and baby on the way,,,she is not dead yet!!!!
wowwwwwwww….I am speechless…didn’t see that coming…amazing!!!
Holy wow! You crafted very realistically how painful and frustrating HIV is, not only for the patient, but also for those around, like family and friends. Although suicide may seem harsh, it is very typical of patients having a terminal disease to think of it as an alternative. Unfortunately, this does not end the suffering, as the family and friends will have to deal with the remorse resulting from such action. We hope that Helena will be able to convince Bette to retract from using the razor. Their baby should be the light of hope that Bette needs right now, as the baby represents the love they have for each other. Thanks, dearest niece of ours, for this brilliant update. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks. – Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)
Some people lives 10 to 20 yrs with this. They caught Bettes in the very beginning, She will feel angre,mental,pity. andso many more. The med makes you sick and you feel like the whole world is judging you. Bette hasa lot to live for,but she will need to make up her mind if she lives a long ti,e or dies a fast death. thanks
euuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuni!