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No Me Ames; #08
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She suddenly lifted the razor towards my face and screamed, “Don’t come any closer to me, don’t come any closer!”
I lifted my hands in surrender, “Ok, I’m not moving. Do you want to put that razor down?”
She started crying again, “Why? There is nothing for me to live for…nothing…I’m going to die, Helena. I’m going to die.”
“Please don’t say that, baby, remember this morning. We saw our baby, remember?”
“I don’t want our baby to get my disease, don’t you see? Don’t you see…I could kill our child! I could kill our child! I don’t want…no, no, no, I don’t…” she lifted the razor to her wrist, “No, no…”
“Bette!” I screamed, “Please…calm down alright…I love you, please…”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.”
***
I looked at her, trying to catch my breath. A part of me wanted to panic and just collapse onto the cold tiled floor of our bathroom, yet another part of me refused to falter and stayed strong to fight against this temporary madness. I loved Bette too much to allow her to give up on her life…our life so easily.
Bette was crying harder now as she angled the blade onto her wrists.
I slowly lowered myself onto the ground, crossing my legs under me and looking at her, “Bette,” I said calmly, “Why do you want to do this? You are a fighter aren’t you?”
She didn’t reply and simply sobbed in response, her entire body trembling.
“So, you want to slit your wrists and leave me here…alone…to clean up this mess? Do you love me, Bette Porter?”
“More than anything,” she managed to whisper despite her tears, her eyes focused on her wrists.
“Then why are you doing this, darling? This isn’t the way…this is simply giving up the responsibility to deal with the situation. We’ve been through tough times, and we’ll get through this…together. Look at me, Bette, I’m still here. Can you see me?”
Her eyes met mine and I saw her crumbling from inside as the tears ran down her cheeks.
“Can you see me, baby?” I repeated as I edged closer to her, careful not to make any sudden movements, “I’m right here…”
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They really need to go to a support group for others with Hiv or the virius . Does she have Aids or is it full blown. She needs help. thanks
I a little perplexed as to why folks are saying these two lovely ladies don’t need couples counseling – for goodness sakes, Bette just tried to slice her wrists? As in — end it all!! Do you all seriously think that an education and process group is going to solve that serious of a problem? Hmm…call me crazy but I think she needs to get her depression stabilized before she sits in a group with other people and learns the good and the bad about living with AIDS. Euni – absolutely superbly written once again. I was in awe of how Helena talked Bette down from taking her own life — it was truly breathtaking. If that’s uninspired writing… I’m totally blown away! East
Why couples therapy? They don’t need that, they need to go to a group where Bette can meet other people who are in the same situation as she is who can tell her how to deal with this desease, who can show her HIV doesn’t mean you’re a lost case. That’s what she needs not some shrink like Foxworthy who’s gonna ask dumb questions as to why she doesn’t want to be intimate with Helena anymore. The problem isn’t their relationship, the problem is dealing with HIV.
“Sometimes you can say a lot more, by simply saying nothing at all.”~Loved that, euni. Also enjoyed reminiscing for a few moments about ‘Love Story’ and Ali MacGraw. :) You may have not felt very inspired, but I thought it was lovely…beautiful…and, well, yeah…you woke me up again…LOL. :D Have a wonderful evening~you and the birthday girl!
Once agian you hit it out of the park! I was glad Hel used her head, and talked to her the way she did. bette has a lot to live for, she can’t see it right now. Things spiral out of control so fast, you can’t think straight. Therapy is great, it cn give you the tools to live life again. Intamacy (?) is essential in a realtionship, and they can have sex, and be safe. Can’t wait for the next chap..PPS Oh yeah, by the way..YOU ROCK!!!!! excuse the spelling can’t sleep and brain isn’t functioning to well :(
Once again you are able to pull me in and begging for more.
i hope the therapy goes well.sorry was going to email u but u sed u were busy wiv this story so i shall just wait 4 u 2 get back to me ok.
E once again it was great, loved how Helena was and is the calm of the two and was able to get thru to Bette with trying to slit herself. Also, liked how Helena was able to get Bette togo to theraphy its a good start cause one way or another it could be more for Bette or even Helena to both understand things from the past,present to the future of thier lives to come.
relief…whew, that was another awesome chapter…can’t take away B’s pain, but H is showing great strength…she’s not running even though the going is tough…that’s real love and committment…love it!!!
Great update! I like how Helena took care of the situation. She didn’t panic. And I also like that she had Bette agree to therapy with her. Maybe then the therapist can refer them to some counseling that deals with people who are hiv and hiv+. Both she and Helena will need this type of help and support. Because if Helena isn’t around Bette will need to talk to someone. To just listen to her nothing more. And Helena should not be afraid everytime she leaves her home and all she can do is worry about Bette. It’s also isn’t good for their child. There will be bad times as well as good ones. But the first step is to admit there is a problem. And that you need help to deal with it. It’s networking with people who are going thru some of the same things as they are. It’s all about people living with hiv and the people that love them. This kind of support has given many the strength to go on and fight for yet another day. All is not lost, life is a battle that you hold on to at all cost. I know that’s corny but I do believe that.
Dearest niece of ours, we agree with Belena. They certainly need to go to a HIV support group’s therapy. As for this chappy, it was very emotional and deep. We don’t know how you can say you were uninspired. It was beautiful, indeed. Can’t wait for your next update. PPS Hugs and kisses on both your cheeks. – Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)