She watches the glowing embers float into the dark sky. She stands on her perch atop a world that constantly swirls below her and for an instant she imagines the three story free fall, she imagines the air catching her as she plummets to the ground. She closes her eyes and the world becomes silent. She is simply falling. She opens her eyes to find her feet planted on the metal lattice that holds her. She takes a drag of her cigarette as memories rush her mind.

          I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

It has been six months since has been with the one she loves, lifetimes in her mind. Her brown hair is now overgrown with sadness. She closes her eyes once more, a vision of hazel eyes and blonde locks rush her. She cannot control it, every time she closes her eyes all she can see is

TINA

A sharp in take of breath lets her know she is indeed still alive and indeed still very much alone. She looks into the horizon taking in the scenery. Lights flicker in the distance, a tower to signal planes of impending doom stands sharply in front of her the flashing red lights become a calling.

‘what the fuck am I doing here?’ she thinks to herself as the last of her cigarette is inhaled. Atop the railing sits her scotch the condensation on the glassy surface evidence of the time she has spent in the cool San Francisco air. She has runaway as she often does when the going gets a bit to hard to swallow. ‘I could have been different. I could have listened. I could have fought harder.’ She replays the scenes in her mind, they are in fact still on repeat the things she could have said the moments where a different choice of words would have made all of the difference, but she hadn’t and now she was here away from everything that meant anything.

            She looks out at the world and manages to pull herself together enough to get inside her hotel room. She and Tina had come here once on a romantic sojourn from their busy Los Angeles lifestyles. There was an openness in San Francisco that could not be found in another city. Her body is still heavy with grief and after the pool incident she needed an escape. She walks towards her suitcase, everything haphazardly packed, to grab some pajamas and hopefully along with them a restful night of sleep. She slips out of her shirt and into a white tank top. Everything is in slow motion as she puts the cotton pants on and she walks into the bathroom to wash her face.

“Babe remember when we rode the trollies?” Tina’s voice echoes in the room. She turns her head to search for her. She splashes water on her face. ‘I have completely lost it.’ She brushes her teeth each motion becomes difficult. How can she let Tina go, if Tina is constantly everywhere in her heart…