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No Me Ames; #17
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“That’s too much trouble,” I said, putting a steaming cup in front of Tina, “After everything you’ve done for me already, I can’t possibly ask you or Alice for anything more…”
“Please don’t be ridiculous. I already told you…anything for you and Bette. I want to help…in anyway I can…”
“Thank you,” I replied as I took a sip of my coffee, “I’m sure that Becky would appreciate that…”
“So,” Tina asked, trying to smile despite the blanket melancholy which had settled in the Porter-Peabody house, “What kind of cake would Becky like to have this year? Should I ask her?”
I quickly shook my head, “Chocolate is just fine…if you ask Becky what flavour she wants right now, she’ll probably tell you that she wants meatloaf.”
***
With encouragement from Tina and Alice, I half-heartedly prepared for Becky’s sixth birthday. At the back of my mind, I couldn’t seem to sweep away this feeling of dread; but with even Bette summoning all her energy to do little things around the house to prepare for our daughter’s day, I decided to try to get myself into the mood and plastered a smile on my face.
There were small moments that I caught myself looking at Bette, as if to memorize her movements, her gestures, her little habits. I watched her decorate a birthday banner together with Becky, planting painted handprints like recording memories. Becky called me over to join them and then, there we were; our happy family. Becky printed her handprints between mine and Bette’s, turning to us to smile. As turned her face towards me, Bette’s expression dropped for a moment as she took a deep breath, looking extremely worn out and tired.
I wanted to try to take a positive approach to whatever was going on in our household, but I found it incredibly hard to hide what I knew was already happening.
Bette was slowly slipping away, and I was powerless to stop it.
◊◊◊
Bette insisted on putting Becky to bed that night, so I waited for her in our bedroom, trying to put my incessant thoughts away.
She slowly walked into the room, collapsing onto the bed. I moved over to plant a kiss on her forehead, “Did you remember to take your medication?” I asked.
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Hello My Most Beautiful Cuzzie… that feeling that Helena has at the very end is so very true… the suddenness… the sheer abruptness it tears a hole into your hear… into your soul… one moment you are holding them… the next moment peaceful… relaxed and yet so full of loss… its hard to describe and yet you have done it so beautifully… I am saddened to see and feel the passing of Bette but she has known love… she has been loved and she has loved and that is a gift many never experience… Love and hugs, Always and Forever, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and your ever loving and ever proud cuzzie and personal fanner of the ever talented and incredible Deean)
I can’t stop the tears…Euni this is just so beautifully written. I knew she was going to leave but I could never have imagined such a poetic and heart-stilling exit. Bette was right – Helena has been her rock. I hope she has the strength to hold it together for herself and Becky in the coming days… obviously she will need to find a way to carry on with a part of her now missing…
Euni, this chapter was just…just…extraordinary! Very talented writing, my sweet! I knew when I was getting ready to click on the last page…that this was going to happen…somehow that steeled me! But I too cried…I cried early on…when they were making the paint handprints. It seems trite to say…but I just adored your creativity with the ground beef cakes! Euni, oh euni, oh euni…you have written this, in part, to challenge yourself…and you have more than exceeded your goal … more than risen to the occasion! If this were a movie, it would go down in history as one of the great tearjerkers of all time! You had no ‘fin’…so I’m assuming there is more…?
I knew something was up when there was a page 4. You rarely go to page 4. It took a lot for me to read that page and I swear, my head swam while reading it. Great post, Euni. Sad but great all the same.
Euninicky-Chicky-Wicky-Very beautiful. Well done..I knew it was coming but I thought you’d give them another chapter or two.. So sad. So lovely. Thanks sweetie
It’s hurt
This was excellent! It hurt like hell to read, but it was worth heartache. It reminds me of a Marvin Gaye song.”If I should die tonight” it’s a part in it that goes like this.”I just want you to keep this one thought in mind, I will never die blue because I’ve known you.” And that is what I believe Bette was telling her that night. Helena and Becky was her rock and if she had the chance to go thru it again I truly believe she wouldn’t change a thing for those moments. Now I think I’ll go cry now.
If it took a lot for me to read this,must have let you so tired.so frained. you did a wonderful,beautiful job on writing this passing of such a beautiful person. Good job my dear. thanks
To say well done is somehow not enough…I felt but thought you would give them, us, more time together…I am sad…please don’t let H fall apart…she will have her moments, but keep her strong and allow her to live…well done!!!
E what can I say, you got me crying, but because it was such a beautiful chapter!
My heart was pounding as I read the first page of this chapter. And Now I’m crying like a baby. Can I say this is a deep chapter, wow. I must say, you have great writing skills.
it’s sad…just like the coming up ending of the show….but you’ve done a great job with this story…thanks a lot….
Today I read this chapter the second time and was as in tears as at the first time. You have done an amazing job with your story and this chapter in particular.
Oh geez. You’ve gone and made me cry. What a great story.
This was the most exquisite and tender chappy you’ve ever created, dearest sweet niece of ours. You certainly made us teary eyed in the end. Helena indeed will have Rebekah and the memory of Bette engraved in her mind and heart forever. Thanks for this bittersweet update. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks.- Luceor & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick) P.S. We are going to be in the Readers Spotlight starting this Sunday, Feb 15. Hope you give us the honor to be there, with us. Love you very much, dearest Eunichick! mwa
Euni what a beautiful, but sad chapter, I knew it was coming but it was still so heartbreakin. I love Helena in this story, hope she gets through this ok, I think Tina might be the one to do that because they both have the fact they loved Bette in common & will help each other. PPVS :¬)xx
I’ve always had this feeling she would slip away in the night.I think she held on as long as she could to see Rebekah turn 6 and to share one last special night with her family. So sad to see something so beautiful slip into the night and into the sky. What will Hels do now cus she didnt know what she was going to do without Bette be her side.
I knew it was time to say goodbye when I started to read page 3..