“are you happy?” the voice on the other end asked.

Of course she wasnt happy, but Helena couldn’t tell this to her ex-lover, but she didnt want to lie, so instead she said softly into the phone, “I have to go” before hanging up.

Helena sat at the kitchen table with her face buried into her hands, I’m not happy when I’m not with you she cried. As she sat, she kept thinking about what got her here, to this place, in a relationship with somebody else who is completely oblivious to the fact that Helena isnt happy. She was fooling herself trying to make sense of it all, and to try to justify all of it.

Over the passed few months, a lot has happened. Dylan moved back into town with every intention of winning over Helena, but what she soon found out was that Helena was now in a relationship—to somebody who wanted to marry Helena and take her away from LA. At first it was all she wanted, to get out of LA and start a new life because everything reminded her of Dylan, but now….now that Dylan is back in town, thats all she’s been able to think about it, and it breaks her heart knowing that eventually, somebody’s heart is going to get broken…maybe even again.

She thought that she and Dylan could be friends. And Dylan, thinking she’d take being in Helena’s life any which way she could, thought being friends would be cool. But over the last couple of months it just seemed to give her more heart ache than she was willing to admit. Communication has been so difficult for them because neither of them have been able to be honest with themselves. Even though they talk about everything, it feels like nothing ever gets said because they are never talking about the important thing; them. “Us”. They are each other’s confidants, each other’s strength, but what they havent talked about is that, they want to be more than that. They want to be more than just friends, but maybe its the fear of rejection or the fear of losing the other that they havent talked about it yet.

Helena was happy, she had somebody in her life who she trusted, somebody willing to give her everything…. somebody who was simple and who didnt push. This person had her flaws, but who didnt. Everybody has flaws, and no matter what, you gotta love the flaws too. But what nobody knows is that sometimes late at night when Helena cries because she doesnt want just somebody who is simple, or somebody who doesnt push her, she sits in her study wondering how she got here. And sometimes, she even rewatches that video Dylan sent her years ago. The one where Dylan finally admitted that she loved Helena. At least then, sometimes she could go to bed even a little happier than before.