Ryan P.O.V.

I  could kill Garret but Bette did set me up with him to get a show but two weeks is not enough time. I hate being rushed even more than I hate deadlines. Suck it up Ryan this is your chance to make it big in L.A.. I guess I’ll just have to use the photos I already have, it’s not the best alternative but it’s something.  I go through my portfolio and stop on the photos taken of Shane. I should put them done and look away but I can’t. I trace my fingers over her perfect face, and trail them done to her body. This is so pathetic. There should be a support group for people like me. Bette told me you can’t help who you love but you could help who hurts you. I wonder why in my case do they have to be one in the same. I stare deeper at the picture and wish things turned out differently. I really do care for Shane and it’s like she has gotten under my skin. There isn’t a second that goes by that I don’t think of her or want to call her but my head won’t let me. She would never know I feel this way because I put up a good front but I feel the same way about her that she feels about me if not more. I wish I could let my guard down but I hate feeling vulnerable and I’m scared that she is going to hurt me again, so now we have this weird relationship. We hang out together and try not to jump on each other and tear each others close off. I think I have used up about all of my will power but I purposely think about her and Carmen to remind myself why she is bad for me. I feel like such a masochist sometimes and Shane is trying her best to give me what she thinks I want but what I really want is her. Just to be able to feel her on me and knowing that she is all mine. To see her lopsided grin again and stare into her eyes for as long as I want but fear is getting in the way. I put the pictures down and sigh. I decide to call Shane but she doesn’t answer. What am I going to do now? I grab my car keys and head to the planet. Alice sees me and waves me over.