The familiar pavement reached the front of Bette’s car. The engine came to a stop as she looked out of her windshield. Blinded by white garage doors and rain, Bette tried to control her breathing. What she was about to do frightened her and she was terrified of the response. Scared of finding out that there was never anything left between them and scared to be made a fool of again. Of misreading all the subtle signs, the sexual tension that lingered between them. Maybe she misread the stolen glances, the intense stares when their eyes met, the blushing, the ever persistent interest in each other’s lives and the fact that they couldn’t let each other go.
And that one night. That one pivitol night. Maybe it was only meant to be one night. She couldn’t wonder anymore. She had to know the truth even if it wasn’t what she wanted to hear.
She opened the car door and walked up the wet pathway to Tina’s door. Her hair was damp and her clothes, drenched. She held her breath as she rang the doorbell. The long ring penetrating the constant, monotone beating of the rain.
Tina heard the doorbell ring and wondered who it could be. She wasn’t really asleep. Too many thoughts were running through her head. Her mind and heart too busy to settle down.
Before she was rudely woken from her reflections by the doorbell, she had been thinking about a recent party that Shane had thrown at her house. The backyard and house were full of Shane’s friends. Everyone was having a great time, including the gang. Alice and Dana were off in a separate corner, whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears and Shane was tending to all the guests. Bette and Tina found themselves in the backyard away from the crowds of people who were steadily becoming more inebriated as the night went on. They sat in a little alcove that hid them from the other guests. Still the best of friends they were catching up and enjoying each other’s company and the alcove served as the perfect shield from the craziness erupting in the other part of the garden.
All of a sudden during a lull in the conversation, a familiar song rose through the crowd and fell on Bette and Tina’s ears. It was their wedding song and the same song that witnessed their downfall. They slowly met each other’s eyes and a million words were communicated in that single glance. Bette quietly asked “Tina will you dance with me?” Tina said nothing in response but rose from her chair and took Bette’s hand. With Bette’s arm around her waist and their hands interlocked, they fell into a familiar embrace. What started as casual, slowly became intimate and sensual. With each sentence uttered from the singer’s lips, they fell into a deeper and closer embrace. Tina fit her head right into Bette’s neck with her lips close to Bette’s pulse. She was intoxicated with Bette’s scent, something she had missed for years. Tina couldn’t suppress the moan that escaped the confines of her mouth and upon hearing that moan, Bette buried her face in Tina’s neck and whispered “Tina…” Bette had become overwhelmed by the history of the song and the feeling of Tina in her arms. She had trouble breathing yet she started to softly kiss Tina’s neck, grazing and pressing her lips. Tina gasped and did not pull away. After a few seconds of feasting on Tina’s neck, Tina pulled back and looked deeply in Bette’s eyes. She saw the glazed look in Bette’s eyes but she also saw the coexistence of love and fear. Tina ran her hands through the hairs on the back of Bette’s neck and gently pulled her closer. She placed her lips upon Bette’s and kissed her. Gently at first, Tina closed her eyes with the sensation of kissing her, something she had missed for far too long. She started to kiss her with more desperation, conveying the longing feeling she had carried around for so long. Bette had never forgotten how soft Tina’s lips were but she was glad to be reacquainted with the delicate flesh. With tongues touching, they both moaned into each other’s mouth and the kiss became more urgent. Tina’s hand frantically ran themselves through Bette’s long, curly, luxurious hair and Bette’s hands were roaming Tina’s body. One holding Tina tight to her and the other running up Tina’s firm thigh. Both consumed by the intensity of the kiss and the long lost feelings it conjured, breathing was forgotten. They suddenly parted, panting, momentarily forgetting where they were standing. In the middle of a party, surrounded by unknown faces, when the only thing they wished was to be alone, in their own world, where that affection was accepted. They were both surprised at what had just happened. Tina came around quicker than Bette and briskly walked towards the house. Tina ran to the hallway and into Shane’s room, muttering “Omg what just happened? What am I doing?”
Bette quickly following, ran into the room after her and demanded “Why did you run away from me?”
Tina replied with another question, “What are we doing?”
Bette slowly came towards Tina who was seated on Shane’s bed, and said “I don’t know but I know I don’t want to stop.”
“Tell me you don’t want me.” Bette said looking straight into Tina’s eyes.
“I can’t.” Tina whispered, her voice quivering with emotion.
Bette took Tina’s hands into her own and kissed her palms. She adored these hands. The gentle hands that took care of her for so many years. She then took Tina’s face into her hands and softly kissed her pretending that she wasn’t with someone else and that her and Tina’s relationship hadn’t failed so long ago. Tina pulled Bette down on top of her, settling between her legs, kissing her passionately. Tina’s hands settled into one of her favorite places, in Bette’s gorgeous hair. She kissed her like she never had before, knowing that this may never happen again. She wanted to savor each second of this sweet dream. Bette matched Tina’s passion and slowly began grinding against her. Bette was floating, not believing that she was finally kissing and lying with Tina. Jodi was a fair replacement but nothing compared to the feel of Tina. Bette caressed Tina’s body reacquainting herself with its heavenly features. Bette pressed harder into Tina and was only encouraged when she heard Tina’s moans. She knew this was wrong and she knew she should pull away but she couldn’t. Tina matched her thrusts and grabbed Bette’s back in passion. Bette continued to grind firmly against Tina kissing her simultaneously. Tongues massaging the other’s, moans echoing in the room, the only other sound heard was their attempts at breathing. In a steady rhythm, Bette rocked till she heard Tina reach her climax and felt her fingers grip her back.
The two women succumbed to the passion that rose within them that night which led to the short and intense encounter that neither had been able to rid from their thoughts. Tina had tried to reach out and contact Bette after that night but to no avail. Tina wanted to know what it meant. Bette disappeared in such a cruel manner, as if Tina was just another one night stand. Tina knew that night was inevitable. The tension had been there for months. Maybe it was jealousy on her part. Jodi was the first serious relationship Bette had after Tina. Tina just couldn’t accept it. Accept that she had given up on an amazing woman. The only woman to ever truly capture her heart. A romantic who always showed her devotion in every action. A woman with the most curious quirks. Each one Tina loved because they made up her beautiful character. She had let go of a woman whose looks took Tina’s breath away each time. A woman who’s heart she broke with each reproach and hurtful word. The woman Tina was still in love with after all these years.
Unknown to Tina, this same woman was at her front door waiting for her to answer. Tina woke from her reprieve and approached the door. As she opened it, she caught sight of the vision that had been pervading her thoughts and dreams. Her eyes wide she took in the sight of Bette, drenched by the rain, one arm leaning against the door frame, hair dripping, with a face Tina couldn’t decipher.
“Bette…what’s going on? It’s three in the morning. Is there something wrong? Did…?”
Before Tina could finish her question, Bette kissed her with all her might. She held her in a tight embrace as she kissed her passionately. At first Tina was startled by this attack and stiffened but as she felt Bette’s soft lips move against hers she immediately relaxed in Bette’s arms and kissed her back.
Tina caught up in the emotions evoked by this kiss began to cry. Bette tasted the tears upon her lips and pulled away to look at Tina’s face.
“I’m sorry.” Bette whispered.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Tina asked through her tears.
Bette leaned her forehead against Tina’s and closed her eyes. She sighed and kissed Tina’s forehead.
“I’m sorry for hurting you. I couldn’t help myself.”
Tina quickly pulled herself away from Bette. “Couldn’t help yourself?” Tina asked incredulously. “You make love to me one night and run away! You only want me for a fuck right?” Tina’s yells elevated in volume.
“Tina…wait… I didn’t come for that. You know that’s not true! You know why I came over? I came to tell you that I can’t get you out of my head. You’re all I think of. Every day and night. It’s only you. That night wasn’t just another one night stand of mine. It could never be that with you. That night I felt more alive than I have for years. I try to let you go but I can’t. Tina I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you. That’s why I came over tonight. To find out if you feel the same. To find out if you can make me feel alive again. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it too. Tina, come back to me.”
“What about Jodi?” Tina asked calmly.
“She doesn’t matter anymore, the past doesn’t matter anymore. None of it does. All that matters is me and you. At this very moment.” Bette stood there panting from her speech. Her ultimatum. For her it was an ultimatum. It was either Tina decided tonight or there was no turning back from this. She couldn’t see how they could just forget it and move on. She needed to know Tina’s answer tonight.
“Bette, I’m in love with you too.”
Bette let out the breath she was holding. Her heart beat faster.
“But Bette it’s not that simple. We can’t just start again like nothing bad ever happened.”
Bette’s heart stopped for a moment when she heard Tina’s hesitation. “But it is that simple. It’s just us.”
Tina wanted to believe in Bette wholeheartedly and live in that world where it was just the two of them without the consequences of this relationship beating down upon them. Bette had always been the dreamer.
“It’s not enough Bette. What happens if we fail again? I couldn’t take it. Not again. I’m terrified of that. I don’t want to lose you again.”
“We can’t be afraid of that. I can’t live my life without you and I can’t be scared of what could happen without ever taking the chance. Trust me I’m scared too but I won’t let us ever get to that. This time it’s forever. Please Tina.”