Chapter 14 – Because of love I feel nothing

Carmen was wearing black shorts, a black sleeveless shirt, her hair was down on her shoulders, and she was beautiful. Shane watched her – gave her a square look, really – from head to toe, saw her smile as Carmen watched Papi talk, talk, talk bullshit with that stupid, cocky accent of hers. Shane watched all of this and swallowed, very hard, and she walked over to the table where her friends stood – feeling stupid, and inadequate. 

She watched as Carmen raked her fingers through her hair and turned her head, still chuckling. Seeing Shane, Carmen’s smile faltered and her eyes clouded with sadness, and worry. All of a sudden, it was like Papi’s legs were burning.

Shane mustered up a smirk and waved, just slightly, and Papi touched her white fedora in a sort of greeting. 

“Look who the cat brought in…”, she grimaced, a mixture between amusement and surprise. 

“Hey Pop”, Shane plopped down on a chair, next to Alice – who immediately turned her head and crossed her arms over her chest. Shane pretended not to notice – she really couldn’t deal with all those things, Alice and Carmen and Papi and herself. “Hey Tash”. 

“How you doing, Shane”, Tasha smiled and took a sip of her beer. 

“Quite good, actually”, Shane’s fingers drummed the table and she leaned forward and sighed, heavily, “I didn’t know you were back, Pop”.

Carmen’s eyes shifted from Shane to Papi, then to Shane, again. She looked uncomfortable. 

“I’ve always been here, Vanilla”, Papi rotated her head on her shoulders and put her hand on Carmen’s knee. 

Shane smiled, joylessly. 

“Oh really? Then it’s my fault. I didn’t acknowledge your presence”. 

Tasha stared at Shane, mouth agape, then chuckled in discomfort. 

“Hey, hey Shane, that was harsh. What’s wrong with you, tonight?”.

Shane swallowed, again, and closed her eyes for a second.

“Nothing. I am just tired”. 

“You should have stayed home, then”, Alice retorted without looking at her, and Shane winced.

She licked her bottom lip and blinked. 

“You know what? You’re absolutely right. I’m out of here”. 

She stood up, looking at no one in particular, and motioned to the front door. The noise in the room was unbearable, to her – in that very moment, everything was. She just wanted to go away. Not home. But somewhere else. Anywhere else. In another club, possibly, with no friends around, and nobody judging her, but just booze, and girl.