–

“How are things?”

“Fine.”  She looked at Tina.  An arm’s length separated the women so the direct line of sight provided a clear view to each other’s eyes.  If left open, true feelings were on display.

“Did Sonya come yesterday?  Do you need anything?”

Tina sighed.  It was expressed full of longing.  Influenced by a frustrated and confused perspective she sighed again then answered saying the only thing she felt was true.

“I want you to come home.”  Her voice was soft but Bette could discern the strength behind the statement as it was quite commanding.  

The older woman’s head angled upward. She squinted slightly before releasing a breath through her nostrils.  “We were fighting all the time before I left.”

Bette again engaged Tina’s stare before asking, “You prefer the fighting?”

“I prefer you.” The answer came succinctly. 

Being with Bette.  In their house, having dinner, eating breakfast, reading the paper, discussing politics, tending the garden,  watching TV, doing laundry, talking about work, sharing interactions with their friends, contemplating their future and everything else. 

Yes, even the fighting.

“We need some help it would seem.” 

Help.  How much longer of this time apart would qualify as ‘help’?   It was monumental.  This admission from Bette.  She would succumb only if things had gotten that bad.  So difficult only external influences would aid in their plight. Unless….

“Are you — is there someone else?”

The brunette’s eyes spoke volumes, supplemented quickly by a severe dismissal and shake of her head.

“Absolutely not.” 

Tina believed her.  The next question came heavy with hesitation but she wanted to finish this line of questioning, “Do you…want to see someone else?”

Bette let out a frustrated breath through the side of her mouth.  She was never one to dissect every emotion except maybe when berating work situations.  She wanted to be careful and effectively clear this particular issue with her companion.  Bette reached out to clasp her partner’s hand in hers.

“Tina,” her voice was kind and sincere, “this isn’t about that.”

Maybe being difficult would accomplish something.  “I don’t get how this is helping then.”

“We discussed this.”

“Yes for two seconds then you were gone.”

Bette looked pointedly at Tina.

“Okay more than a few minutes but still…”

They fought.  About something trivial.  The day after clashing about the French man who Bette found thoroughly amusing.  So much so that she had to share laughs with their friends.  Making light of the difficulty they had been having finding a viable donor.  Grating on Tina’s nerves which were already frayed from the challenges she faced on this front. 

“I think this will be good for us.”

“For how long exactly Bette?”  She couldn’t help the tears that clouded her vision.  “It’s been three weeks and…and…”

Each let some time pass for their passion to settle.

Bette said tenderly, “T.”

“What?” Tina answered quietly.

“I want to fight,” she admitted almost ruefully, “I’m doing this because I think it’ll be good for us.  I’m doing this because I want to fight for us.”

They embraced and Tina gasped her despair.  “I know.  Really Bette, I know."

She paused to just feel how good it was to hold Bette.  How much she missed feeling secure next to her in the quiet hours at night.  How even if she knew they were having difficulty over the last year or two and how they were becoming increasingly short with one another the love she felt was still so overwhelming. 

"I just wish all this was over so we can get back to us.  Making a family.”

“Is that what you want Baby?”

“It’s all I want Bette.”

“Really?”

“I’m not doing too well without you.”

"You know I love you right?"

"I love you too." 

“T?”

“Yeah?”

Bette pulled back to look at Tina and with all seriousness asked softly, "Do you want to fight with me?”

To struggle for what they had.  To manage through this time apart.  To commit to the effort it would take to bring them back together and all that was to come.

Tina swallowed all her emotions so she could whisper back, “More than you know.”

–