As I watched her drive away I couldn’t help the tears falling from my eyes.  I screamed her name, HELENA, HELENA, PLEASE DON’T GO, PLEASE DON’T LEAVEMeeeeee………. HELENAAAAAAA……….

But her car was gone, after a few seconds all I could see were other cars coming towards me and passing me by.  She was gone.  Helena was gone.  

I turned and laid my head on the brick of the building.  It was cool  against my forehead, tears were falling from my eyes uncontrollably. 

I began to think back about my life, what I had done, what I had been.   Cool that’s what I had been.  No not cool, cold just like the brick building I was leaning against.  That was my life, cold.  I was cold.

I was cold like ice when Danny would come on to me.  I would just let him do what he wanted to get him off, never really feeling anything but numbness in the end.  I was cold to it, when the girls in the film were fighting, protecting their turf, and being shot at.  Cold, even when one of them got killed, that was still me, I was cold to the thought of death. 

Until that day, that day I let Helena into my COLD world. Until that day I let Helena watch the video. 

 Helena changed things.  Something about her eyes, when I looked into them, warmed me inside.  All that coldness seemed to be thawing.  I began to see myself and my life around me.  I could see me and what I wanted to be for the first time.  When she looked at me, I felt like I was someone to her, someone important, someone who meant something to someone, someone she cared about. 

And I cared about her, for the first time, I could feel it in my heart, I cared about someone.  I loved someone.  My life would change forever because of that day, because of Helena. 

She made me feel things.  Things I’ve never felt before.  Like seeing the sunset for the first time in the arms of someone you love, like hearing the birds sing for the first time in the arms of someone you love, like waking up for the first time in the arms of someone you love, like your head resting against the chest of someone you love and hearing their heartbeat for the first time, like just knowing that what you’re feeling right at that moment is LOVE for the first time. 

It scared the shit out of me.  Literally, scared the shit out of me.