Tina had been in the hospital for 3days and still wasn’t able to see Bette for the doctors feared she may get an infection and pass that onto Bette and the baby.

Helena kept her updated; she smiled goofily as she thought of one of her best friends caring for both herself and the love of her life.

“I haven’t seen you smile since we got here, what’s got into you?” Helena was cautious at Tina’s change of mood.

“Nothing I just want to thank you for taking care of both me and Bette. I know you’re a busy woman so it means a lot to me that you’ve taken the time to be here for us.” Tina seemed shy at declaring her gratitude towards her beautifully self less friend.

“It’s been my pleasure I’m glad you’re doing so much better than the other day. Bette’s progress is slowly coming along they have said in a few days that she can be discharged. And hopefully you can go home today once they have checked over everything. I have an idea but I want to hear your thoughts on it.” The brunette had been thinking about the proposition since she had found out Tina had to be admitted.

“What is it?”.

“Well I know that you’re going to be worried about Bette whenever you’re at home. And right now I think you should be taking care of yourself a bit better. Downsizing all the stress you may be feeling, so I thought Bette could stay with us at my house. Until she’s better that is anyway. I’ve already spoken to Kit and she thinks it may be good for you both, get you talking?”.

She had been nervous to ask; it was a huge step to live with her ex lover again. But she hoped Tina would take this chance and clasp it with both hands.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. I thought Kit would be staying with Bette whilst she makes a full recovery. But I guess this just makes sense, I want to make sure she’s ok she deserves that much. I guess through all of this I’ve only seen that she betrayed me and haven’t opened my heart to think why. She was the first and will be the last woman I ever love. I think that’s why it hurt so much; I’m nursing a broken heart as well as carrying her child two things I didn’t think would ever happen to me whilst I was with her.”

Tina discouraged her tears to keep at bay; but she knew she was safe to let her guard down and be open about herself and Bette’s failed relationship.

“I’m not the best person to talk to about failed relationships Tina, but I do know Bette wants to make peace with you and be apart of your life. Nothing in life is easy I heard something once and it has stayed with me ‘love is fair; it breaks everyone’s heart’. Throughout our live’s we deal with heartbreak and the best way to move on is to forgive, let go and build bridges not tear them down”.

Tina took a few moments to absorb Helena’s words, she was wise beyond her years sometimes. Considering they were only a year apart.

“How do you forgive and let go?” Tina had spoken her thoughts out loud unintentionally.

“I guess only that person who seeks to forgive someone knows what it takes. For everyone it’s different things I suppose, like say for instance I broke the trust we had. Well I would try to prove to you that it was a mistake, but would you give me that chance?” Helena knew she had meant Bette and not herself to see how Tina reacted to her hypothetical question.

For Tina this hit home harder than she thought; although she had given Bette numerous opportunities to explain she hadn’t really heard any of it. It was as if the words Bette spoke transcends into the room instead of her ears.

“I guess; sometimes we see red. Like we’re hurt by their actions towards us but never see an opportunity to let go of all that hurt and anger; let it go to enable it to be carried away by the wind. I want so badly to get rid of the burden on my heart, and to find the courage to forgive and not hate myself for what happened.”

Helena knew this was no longer hypothetical; this was real.

“How could you hate yourself for what happened Tina? You have nothing to hate yourself for.” Helena wanted to reassure her friend that what she was feeling wasn’t true.

“I guess because I wasn’t enough for her, even by her side I felt out of place. I didn’t offer her all the things she needed, just like she didn’t with me. All I wanted was for us to be a family and her to stand by my side and for us to feel like equals. Instead we grew apart and we both didn’t do nothing about it. I’m mad at myself as well as her for just sitting back and not fighting from when we had felt things change.”

Tina sighed deeply into her sobs she hadn’t spoken to anyone other than Bette whilst they had been broken up it felt good to release a lot of things that had been on replay in her mind.

“To feel like equals; you have got to want to be equals. From what I can tell was that you were both pretty content with the way things were no matter how illogical that was. You deserve to have that family and Bette being there in both of your lives. But first you have to talk and deal with your own demons with Bette. I bet you will surprised at how much she’s changed since you guys broke up”.

Helena knew all too well about the dynamics of relationships she would never truly let her guard down. And they misinterpreted that for her being distant and pig-headed in the way she acted towards them. All of which wasn’t the true Helena.

“I guess time will tell whether Bette truly wants me and this baby.” Tina looked away from Helena’s concerned stare to face the wall.

“Of course she wants you and this baby, I don’t know how blind you could be to not see it. Give her a chance, I think that’s all she needs for you to see the woman you loved is still there”.

“I know she wants me to keep the baby and that she misses me. But is that enough to want to bring a child into this world. Surely its not.” The anger Tina had felt had resurfaced, she wasn’t angry at anything or anyone in particular just that she found herself to be more frustrated because she was pregnant.

“Keep the baby? Why was you going to have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption?”. Helena’s eyes bore into Tina, she could sense them she felt ashamed that she hadn’t seen how special she was to be pregnant and that she didn’t give Bette much choice.

“I …I thought you knew shit.” Tina quickly went back into a state of silence.

“Tina, if you were to do that you know you would more than regret it maybe not right away or in a few months time but you will I’m certain of it. I understand you’re hurting and un decisive of whether Bette will want you back just because you’re carrying her child. Have you thought about having this child and then Bette adopting it? I know I might sound like a bitch, but if she wants this child why shouldn’t she be able to become a mother just because you can’t allow yourself to forgive her for the infidelity, that shouldn’t come into focus on how great a mother she would be.”

“I know I’m being selfish and depriving her of this incredible opportunity but I guess I’m having doubts at how good a mother I would be. When me and Bette were together I always knew she would support me, show me direction when I needed it the most. Our childhood’s were horrible and I don’t want our child to go through all that. The cheating, the drinking, the judgmental views of others and simply not giving the child enough love; they deserve a home that’s filled with love. It would be too hard for me to part with this child and know Bette was bringing him or her up on the other side of town. I… I just couldn’t do that; I couldn’t deal with that not even in a million years. Yes I could have this child and place them up for adoption; but you hear all these stories about children who are adopted or fostered getting abused, hell if I went through all that and weren’t adopted I can only imagine what the legal system would fail this child on.”

“Ok so maybe adoption isn’t you, but you have to admit that this child is coming whether you are ready for it or not. You would have everyone’s support and you know that I’m here for you whenever you need me. I just think you should think about everything, take it all into consideration properly. Push aside Bette cheating on you, and search your soul for the right thing to do for the both of you. If you come back to the same conclusion once you have taken the time to think about things. Then I will support you in your decision. But until then I still think this would be the worst mistake of your life. I think under all that anger you are still in love with Bette and I am certain she is in love with you so I suggest you listen to me when I say. Both of you need to show each other why you fall in love in the first place. I could bet you a million dollars that you are both still in love with one another.”

Helena broke her boring eyes to compliment her face with a cheeky grin, Tina had to smile back. She knew Helena had her best interests at heart and hopefully so did Bette.
Tina sat back her mind adrift as to what her future would be.