Carmen:

I have never been so confused in my entire life. Shane said she loved me and she asked me to marry her. Then says that she can never be changed and leaves me vestida y alborotada at the alter. Now she tells me she has changed and can’t live her life without me, but she had been sleeping with Jenny and had cheated on her with Jenny’s ex-girlfriend! That’s so fucked up! How can she tell me she has changed when she did all of this just before Jenny’s death? She said she only did all of that because she was trying to cope without me. That has to be a load of crap. Shane? Coping? That’s not…Shane-like.

What the hell do I do now? I can’t talk to Shane. Everytime I talk to her I feel my heart speeding at 100 mph and I start to get breathless. I can’t talk when all I’m thinking about is her beautiful nipples and her magical fingers that have never failed to send me to the brink of ecstasy. I shook my head at the thoughts and stood up to pace around my room.

“Carmen,” my mother’s voice called as she came into my room, “you okay, mija?”

“Mom,” I said plopping down on my bed letting my tears spill, “I still love her.”

I heard my mother’s deep sigh as she walked toward the bed and sat down next to me with her hand gently on my knee. “Mija, un amor saca otro amor, one love takes another love out.”

I chuckled softly at my mother’s exact translation and said, “it would probably be translating as ‘the way to get rid of a stubborn love is to love another.’ But it doesn’t have as good of an effect.”

“Okay mija so go to a gay club and get yourself a new woman,” she said trying to nudge me.

“You’re really getting used to me being a lesbian huh mom?”

“I always thought you never looked good with a man,” she said.

I couldn’t help but laugh at my mom’s antics. Her first reaction had been “mejor puta que lesbiana,” which translates roughly into, “I rather you be a slut than a lesbian.” And now she says I never looked good with a man. If I told her I decided to be straight, I wonder what she would say…hmmm. Eww, never mind I can never be with a man, especially not after Shane. Oh fuck, I can’t stop thinking about her.