Shane:

Pain. That’s all I could feel at this moment. How could I possibly take my brother away from his father? Even if he is a douche bag.

Then to top it all off Carmen just storms off like that. She said she couldn’t handle it and she runs away. I thought I was the one who ran away. Now I know how it feels to be run off on. I feel all the guilt of the past just biting me in the ass. What I did to Paige, and Molly, and Jenny. So many countless girls. I leave a trail of destruction everywhere I go.

Sure Papi has slept with three times more women then I have, but she cares for them. She is not heartless and insensitive. They all leave with fond memories of her. But how do my past lovers remember me? I’m just the jerk who broke their hearts. I was just like my father.

I have changed. I cannot raise my brother to be like me or my father. I will raise him to be a man of good. We can kill ourselves in court, my father and I, but I will not let him take my brother from me. Not when he’s sitting here on my couch crying against my chest.

Shay sat up slowly and said, “Shane, you should go get your girlfriend.”

“No, you need me,” I said trying to stop thinking about Carmen.

“But you need her,” Shay said. That boy had always been so wise. I wish I was that wise. It was so easy for me to give advice to my friends: to Bette, Tina, and Alice, when they needed help. Why couldn’t I follow my own advice?

I know when Alice came to me for advice about Tasha, I told her to never give up and she persisted and look at them now. If it were Bette on my doorstep saying that Tina had left, I would tell her to get her ass out and find her.

“Shane,” Shay said, “I’ll still be here when you get back.”

“What if she doesn’t want me back?” I said looking at my little brother in the eyes.

“I saw those pictures you had of her in your room,” Shay said, “you never wanted to talk about her. I know you love her more than Ms. Paige.”