You know that feeling where you wake up and life suddenly makes sense. You know which direction you are heading in and you finally seem to be on the right path. Well that was my relevation as the sun peaked between the cloud gleaming through the windows.

This past week me and Tina had been getting along, I actually let myself enjoy the moments we shared with one another without hoping for something more. My main priority right now was the baby and Tina. Not trying to necessarily resalvage our lost love, I promised myself I would try this friends thing. See where we went wrong, see all the reasons if any why we shouldn’t actually be with one another in the future.

I can’t deny I was nervous at the prospect of becoming a single mother, but then I realised Tina must be going through the same things I was. If not worse. I knew she had a few skeletons in her closet some I knew about others she wouldn’t even open up to me about. Her estranged family. The things that made her heart pain, all the things she truly loved I wanted to soak them into my own. Someone once told me “For a every love that gets lost, there was never really a door left unopened”. I never quite understood that, I guess its down to one’s own interpretation but I now believe me and Tina have got to close some chapters in our lives. Close them doors that have always been left wide open. Closure. I know people normally see it the other way round that the door should always be left open, even though the doors were wide open; nothing past through.

Imagine two people loving one another deeply, sharing their lives together and losing themselves whenever they are around each other. What’s missing from that?

I went to wake Tina up around nine. Today was a big day for all of us. As I tapped the door gently and pushed the door I smiled as I was greeted by a warm smile and the image of Tina talking to our bump. It was strange but comforting. She ushered me in by the frantic waving of her hands. I was like a 6year old child as I sprinted towards the bed. Forgetting my surgery but the pain I endured was worth it. Tina had already pushed the covers over to allow me access, the butterflies flitted around carelessly in my stomach as my body was drawn into how good Tina smelt.

“So how long has our child had you awake?” I asked as our arms pressed against one another’s.

“I’ve been up since around 7. I think he or she is excited to meet their other mother.” She brought her hand to reach mine whisking it to our beautiful shelter for our child.

“I’m really nervous Tee. I mean I have no idea what I’m looking for if anything. I’m scared because I want to support you. But I don’t know how too. I’m a wreck right now”. All my insecurities came to light. I didn’t know how to deal with all the new changes I just hoped I was ready for them and didn’t let my family down. That was the last thing I wanted. I’d already let them down once.

“Relax”. Tina held her hand over mine as she let me explore the curvature of our bump; soothing me. “It’s ok I’m nervous too. But I have you with me so I know I will be ok. I hope everything is ok and I’m sure it will be. Is it ok if I go back to sleep for an hour? I have my clothes all ready sorted it’s just the baby’s been kicking so much I haven’t had much sleep.”

“No you go right ahead. I’ll just go get ready and…”

“I thought you could stay with me it seems your touch has got the baby to calm down. If that’s ok with you I mean I wouldn’t want…”.

“I’d love to stay.”