I decided it would be best if I gave Helena a few days space. Also that gave me time to work on myself. It was all on me to make the first move, I don’t know how it actually ended up this way but it did. It was like something left unsaid or unwritten but we both knew what had to be done. Even in the mist of my drunken behaviour I could still read her. It was time to reach out to her. I pulled my phone from my pants pocket.

I typed: Hi I’m sorry. I miss u. Please let me b apart of ur life. I love you. Dylan x

I quickly erased the message. She already knew I loved her and wouldn’t appreciate me sending that more so, Alyssa if she found out. I wasn’t scared of Alyssa but I knew I could make life hard for Helena and that was never my intention.

I re-typed my message: Hi I’m really sorry about the ova day, I feel like such a fool. Let me make it up2 u. Maybe buy u lunch. Friends? Dylan x

I patiently waited for her response either way I knew I would get my answer, I just hoped the answer would be yes.

A few hours past and I’d heard nothing. I busied myself in tasks around the apartment. Subconsciously in the back of my mind I was tidying the place up because maybe now I would have visitors. One in particular. As boredom overcome me and drinking is where I couldn’t find solace. I retired to bed. Where no one could disturb my thoughts or tell me I was wrong for thinking them. I had tried with all my will power to completely empty my thoughts of Helena. But I guess my heart won that battle.

As I placed my phone underneath my pillow and snuggled underneath the blanket. A quick fleet of vibrations underneath my head made my heart quicken. Maybe it was her? It had to be her.

Hey, I was starting to get worried something had happened 2 u. I guess ur fingers aren’t broke afta all lol. Hmmm lunch and dessert and u’ve got urself a deal. Lena xx

I laughed because I was nervous. Was she flirting with me? I could just imagine the playfulness of her voice if she would have said those words instead of text them. Lena… No one ever called her that but me. Or did they now? She always liked how I shortened her name to something her friends never called her. I noticed Alyssa called her ‘H’ and I know before Alice, Tina and the others called her Hels. Was I imagining yet again something that wasn’t there?

********

The day had arrived that I was having lunch with Dylan. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Would things be awkward, could we just start off where things had been left before what happened?

I waited nervously at the table in the restaurant I was glad Dylan had picked somewhere we most likely wouldn’t be spotted by prying eyes after all no one knew she was back in town.

I ordered a bottle of dry white wine to indulge over lunch. I needed it for dutch courage and to quash all these unnerving feelings I kept having.

I could spot her from a mile away. Even though she was dressed casually I could still feel the yearning between my legs for the woman who broke my heart a million times over.

She had spotted me. She made her way over to the table where I was seated. What did I want to come of this?

“Hey”

“Hey yourself. Wow you look great.”

“Thanks. Not looking so bad yourself.”

“Sorry I’m late, I had trouble finding a space in the parking lot.”

“It’s ok. I haven’t been here that long. Would you a glass of wine?”

“I can’t.” I watched as her eyes shifted from mine. It was as if I offered her poision in an attempt to cut this short. She must have sensed I was apprehensive to her behaviour.

“It’s not that I can’t it’s just I don’t want too, after the other night I decided to start on a detox.”

“Oh sorry, I should order us some sparkling water.”

“Don’t apologise you have nothing to apologise for. I on the other hand do. I’m sorry I was such a mess the other night. I want to thank you for taking me home.”

“I couldn’t just leave you like that.”

We ordered food I stuck with a medium sized caesar salad while I watched in amazement as Dylan told the waitress she wanted a double cheeseburger, fries and a side order of onion rings.

“What?”

“Are you really going to put all that away?”

“This cleanse is killing me. I thought today could be the one day I allow myself to over indulge alittle.”

I smiled before replying “As if you can put all that away on a regular basis and still have a body like that”. Shit why did I say that. I felt the blush coax my cheeks. As my gaze left her’s I could feel the intense drawing of her eyes reaching for mine. I looked up to see the twinkle in her eyes was present.

“I’m actually in awe of how much you worship your body. You take care of it and it shows.”

This was going to be harder than I initially thought. I loved Alyssa I didn’t want to hurt her, but the resolve in her eyes always made me feel weak. I was much stronger than I was when we had first met, but that quickly crumbled when she made me feel like the only woman on Earth that could make her complete.

“You know I try. I’m still trying to lose a few inches. Easier said than done”.

I was flirting I knew it, but I just couldn’t help myself. This was harmless right?

“Lena, believe me when I say you don’t need to do anything your body is perfect as it is.” I felt the heat rise between my legs the smallest compliment intoxicating my thoughts. Wishing that things weren’t so complicated. Could you love two people? Was it even possible? I felt the ache in my heart I knew it was.

“I don’t quite know what to say to that but thank you”. I was glad when our food had arrived it was the distraction I needed. Why did I still have feelings for after all this time?

*******

Her body was perfect why didn’t she see that. Her body was perfect like a sculpture beautifully crafted. As the artist ensured every last detail was carefully put in place by their hands. Like my hands would do. I shook my head not wanting to think of all the things I could do if she was in my bed. Even though I’d never been with a woman until Helena, I still imagined taking her to heights only we both could envision. Her hair was scrapped back off her face, her primose skin glistened when the sun light captured it. A sight so beautiful I wanted to cry. How could she have me so completely and yet she didn’t know it.

I toyed with my food. I was hungry but the way she looked was more appeasing. I’d ate most of my lunch before I’d called the waitress over and whispered ‘it’s time’. I saw Helena’s brow furrow, she seemed jealous. Or angry somewhat. She had no reason to be I only had eyes for her and nothing would change that.

I tried to make small talk to ease the binding intensity of awkwardness that was situated around us.

“So how have you been? I want to know everything that you have been upto while I wasn’t here”.

She took a large gulp of her white wine and fiddled with the oversized ring on her middle finger. She still had it. It was apart of her although I hadn’t brought it I smiled as she twirled it round time after time because she was anxious.

“Erm well I now co-own Hit and the Planet with Kit.”

“Wow. You always were a great business woman”. As soon as the words left my lips I knew I wouldn’t like her reply I was tactless in what I had just said and expected a harsh reply.

“Oh yeah because that’s why I got ripped off by you and your so called boyfriend”. I heard the anger solidate in her words. But I didn’t expect any less I didn’t think this journey would be easy. I knew why she was angry. She had every right to be.

I reached over the table carefully I knew one thing that would calm her down. I placed my hand over her’s and caressed it gently. I saw the anger deterioate slowly, my heart was having twinges because I could feel her skin on mine. I longed to hold her body so close to mine that there wasn’t any space between us.

“I’m sorry. I deserved that. I didn’t mean it in that way. I meant you’ve always had a great eye for business. Helena you’re a talented business woman and I took your kindness for granted and misplaced your trust in me. For that I was stupid but please…” I paused for a second I wanted to blurt out those three small words but I refused to. It may only arise more anger within her. I wanted to see the smile that lit up the room and my heart once more before she parted ways with me.

“I want to make it up to even if that’s until the day I die. I want you to know I mean every word I’ve just said Helena”.

I felt her reciporcate my touch. I hadn’t realised I was still caressing her hand with my fingertips. Her brush was gentle, it went unsaid what it meant. But I felt even through no words being exchanged she believed me and her anger was diminishing. It wouldn’t completely go for some time but I hoped she give me that.

“What the fuck is going on Helena? This isn’t your girlfriend or did you have a memory relapse?”

“Alice. I… I know this isn’t my girlfriend I’m not that stupid I was just upset and she was trying to calm me down.”

“Oh I see by holding your hand. This woman fucked you over, ripped your heart out and left it on the ground and now you’re going to pretend that none of that happened.”

I interupted the arguement that was rising quickly. “Alice, why don’t you let Helena make her own decisions she’s a grown woman for Christ sake. I know she’s with Alyssa I’m not here to mess that up for her. Maybe I should go so you two can talk”. I threw down enough money to cover lunch and our beverages. A perfect lunch ruined by being caught doing something that wasn’t even necessarily happening. But I could understand Alice’s apprehension at me being around. After what I did to her best friend I couldn’t expect anything less.

I gathered my things and left. I looked back over my shoulder the love of my life was hurting. Her face spread with tears. I had no choice but to leave I didn’t want to cause a scene and my presence by Alice was unwanted. I would call her later that day. Make sure she was ok. For all I wanted was for her to be happy.

*******

Alice took the seat Dylan had just left. I wasn’t prepared for Alice finding out. Especially before I had the chance to really get to know Dylan’s true intentions. I knew they would think I was naïve to let her come back into my life and fuck me over again. But I knew she wouldn’t or I wanted to believe that I meant more than that to her because she came back for me.

“When the fuck did she get back into town Hels?” Her tone told me she was angry like I had betrayed her, when in fact I hadn’t but I knew she was concerned for my welfare.

“Look Al. I love you but can you just stay out of this? You just won’t understand.” I saw the look of disbelief strewn across her face. I felt like a child who had gotten caught doing something by their parents that they shouldn’t have been.

“Hels come on. I’m worried about you I love you and you know I’m only looking out for you best interest right?”

“I know that Al. I’m fine. Look what you think you saw wasn’t what it looked like. Dylan was trying to calm me down. And before you ask Alyssa knows I’m here. She knows all about Dylan and she’s fine with it.” I had to make Alice aware that Alyssa knew otherwise this would have been a long day. About how I’m deceiving my current partner etc. Alice was so good at barking orders but she didn’t always follow her own advice.

“Oh”. I saw her face contorted with confusion. “But how the fuck is she ok with you going to lunch with your ex. The woman who stole from you not only your money but your love”.

“Come on Al seriously let’s not do this. Alyssa wants what’s best for me. She’s not my keeper she can’t tell me what I can and can’t do. But I’m glad she’s happy with the choice I made. And if you want to know something Alyssa was the one that made me realise somethings got to give. Don’t you think I’ve carried around this burden on my heart for long enough. And quite frankly Alice it’s my life so it my choice. I don’t need your approval.”

“But Helena…”

We were interrupted by the waitress from earlier. She looked slightly confused at the change of seating plans.

She quietly placed the oversized bowl with a dessert inside. My eyes roamed over it before I asked, “I never ordered this. What is it?”

“Ma’am the short haired brunette told me to get it you know earlier when she called me over. It’s jam roly poly. She ordered it specially for you. she said it would remind you of home.”

I politely changed my tone of voice to thank her before she left me and Alice alone. Her gesture was sweet and there was me thinking she liked the waitress. My jealously nearly bursting out of my body as I saw Dylan whisper into her ear. How could I have known. Why did I care if she was flirting with someone else I had a girlfriend. But still if I couldn’t have her I didn’t want no one else too either. I knew this was selfish.

“Well isn’t she the sweetest. Like a British dessert that probably cost her less than $5 can make up for all the hurt she caused you”.

I sat back in my chair. As I mixed the cake with the custard. I didn’t care what Alice said. I was drowning her out. Dylan had made an effort it wasn’t about the cost it was the thought behind it that mattered and meant something. I ate my dessert in silence. As I watched Alice’s lips move but I couldn’t hear a sound.

********

I arrived home to my empty apartment, Helena’s tear soaked face on my mind. I had to busy myself for the next few hours because I knew Alice would have a lot to say about me being back in town.

I had complied all my old post into piles of what needed to be shredded and what just needed to go in the bin. It was a tidious task but it needed doing nonetheless. By the time I was finished I noticed it was now just coming upto five in the evening. The was no time like the present to ring and check if she was ok.

“Hello”.

“Hi Dylan”. Her voice was raspy and filled with sadness. I was the cause for her pain once more.

“Are you ok. I just rang to make sure you was”.

“I’m fine”. Her answer was short like she no longer wanted to speak with me. Had Alice made her change her mind about wanting anything to do with me?

“If you’ve changed your mind at us trying to be friends I understand. I really just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

“I haven’t changed my mind. Just it’s going to be hard my friends won’t understand.” I sighed heavily as I lay down on my bed.

“How about whenever we meet if we do, we go to the other side of town or you can come here. That way we reduce the chances of a scene like today?” I couldn’t think of any other way to avoid her friends I wasn’t trying to make her life difficult. This is what she wanted so I had to figure out a way to make this work.

“Now that sounds like a plan. I just can’t deal with their disappointment in me.”

“It’s not disappointment it’s concern for you their hearts are in the right place. I’m glad they look after you.” I had noone to look after me not a lover, friend or family. She was lucky to have it all, everybody cared about her.

“Look Dyl, I don’t really care if they are concerned for me because I’m fine. Were fine.”

“I’m glad we are. You know I would never hurt you again.”

“Give me some time. I want to believe that you never will but I’m still trying to overcome everything from our past.”

“I get that take as much time as you need. As lunch got spoilt how about we try again this weekend if you’re not busy”

“I would but me and Alyssa are going away for the weekend.” Her voice was shallow it was like the mentioning of her name was forbidden. It wasn’t but it made me realise Helena was taken and put whatever this was into context. We were just friends.

We spoke for a short while before we made our excuses the conversation was limited after today’s encounter.

But just as I was finished preparing dinner my cell phone buzzed. I opened the message.

I forgot to thank you for my delicious cake. You do know how to spoil me. I’m sure you’re trying to make me fat. I hope you prove them all wrong. I have faith that you will. Lena xx

I smiled. She had faith in me that was all I needed.